Firstly, thank you so much for reading this. I am used to journaling and this is my first time writing for public eyes, so enjoy!
Now to let's get straight to the point; the modern 2018 relationship. Do we believe its harder now than it was in the 1920s? Oh absolutely! I mean as a woman you probably were exposed to propaganda your whole life on the fairy tale where you fairy godmother blesses you with perfectly fitting, comfortable glass slippers (we all secretly prayed they would be the Louboutins we all still dream about to this day) and we'd ride off into the sunset with prince charming and the end. Sorry ladies, never gonna happen! Why would we want it to be that way? We are the bad ass take no sh*t Millennials who swipe left if we think based on someones picture and 2 sentence bio we have a "connection." Sorry my Tinder/Grinder users, as basic as I just made it sound is truly how basic it is but this is a judgement free zone! But let's go down the list of the modern relationship of 2018.
YAS! Thank you fairy godmother!
As Aaliyah said, "Age ain't nothing but a number!" If you're 23 like me, that song has been in your life as long as you can remember (if you haven't heard it pause your reading and play it now). So maybe that was drilled into our minds through sultry R&B or its just simply the truth. I'm leaning more towards the simple truth. In my personal relationship my boyfriend and I are 7 years apart. As time has gone on, I have realized that everyone around me is dating with a 7-10+ year gap between them and no one's complaint is ever "He's just too old." I will say though there is always an occasion when I'm calling or getting a call that says, "...like he's my dad or something!" I always question this part of things like is this just how men try and show they wear the pants, or do these men just want us to not repeat their previous mistakes because they are older than us? I think its a sprinkle of both, and for us modern day relationship doers, my best advice on age gaps is 1.) trust your partner's knowledge 2.) trust your life experiences as well to asses situations for yourself 3.) always stress the necessity for reciprocity in decision making, that way you both wear the pants. To conclude this, I think that in 2018 it's better to date for what YOU like and want, rather than feel like because your close in age it won't be as successful or because there is an age gap he has all the answers. Don't be afraid to take charge, trust me, you don't want to go to sleep dreaming of your man struggling to get into a pair of skinny jeans (no? just me? okay.) because your subconscious is telling you to make that decision.
Again, listen to this if you haven't already!
I planned to write this part last because it probably should be its own post, but I believe I can word it perfectly without overdoing it so lets get into it people! Instagram is probably the most consistent social media platform I use currently, it has everything all on one app and I ask for nothing more. But I can admit it's created small issues in my relationship (truly small guys) and I mostly was the one with the issue. I grew up where dating meant you the put your anniversary date in your bio, posted every single picture you could with the sweetest caption from your favorite Drake song, and you waited for all of your 900 followers to like it to show the world, you are in a relationship and a happy one. And then you date someone older than you and you realize, they don't give a f*ck about posting you let alone themselves on Instagram.
"Wait so you're saying you don't have Instagram?"
And then we all are Jaden Smith, thoroughly confused as to how another human can exist with this mindset. And now this guy is your boyfriend and your 4 months in passing all the holidays without getting posted and you're like whatever its just Instagram I am a mature young woman, I am confident in myself. But as I recently discussed with one of my best friends is that what we really need to be saying to ourselves? Deep down everyone wants validation which is why Instagram is so important, just 10 likes and you know you're on to something, but what does it mean in the modern 2018 relationship, when you're not getting your recognition? Well here's how I can answer that by telling you my word for word head on experience:
Me: So why don't you post me on your Instagram? Are you just not that guy, or is it because we are still new?
Him: No, 1.) It's MY Instagram so I post whatever moves me and 2.) I don't want to post you because it's no one's business.
Me: Oh okay.
Me in my head: SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I AM A SECRET?! IS IT BECAUSE ALL THE GIRLS IN YOUR DMS WILL THEN STOP SENDING DMS? AM I UGL...Wait no, that's never the case. *continues to rant*
So as you could imagine it took me about 3 days to wrap my Millennial mind around this concept, and I came to the conclusion of "What more can I really ask for?" I am with him almost everyday, we talk all day, and when we don't we usually know each others plan for the day. Did Instagram really have to define what we're doing? No. And so ladies and gentleman (because don't get it twisted ladies, men are usually way more offended you aren't showing them off than you'd think), here's my advice for this part of the modern 2018 relationship 1.) Post whatever the f*ck you want, whenever you want but don't do it for validation; Instagram was meant to entertain the user. 2.) Older men may or may not like to post you but if their friends and family know who you are then no Instagram post can give you anymore validation than that. 3.) Don't sit on your words, if something makes you uncomfortable say something because 9 times out of 10 what we think isn't what it is. All in all we young Millennial gals take way better photos anyway, so its probably best we do the posting.
Unless he's this guy...
And the more...
So guys we are nearing the end of this post, and again thank you SOOOOOOO much for reading this far. But lets finish this strong; 2018. The year where you can barely tell pop culture and political news apart, is also the year of so much LOVE. And sometimes it's going to be love our parents can't understand, and that doesn't mean their advice isn't valid or your friends advice isn't valid. I just believe this is also a time to figure love out for ourselves. Figure out what we really do and don't like, who we do and don't like. What are the things that motivate us individually to want to spend time with someone? These are things that take time and self care to learn but it also takes WORK. Yes, relationships are work and not always the fairy tales we think they should be and that is okay. To conclude this I will give you my most modern 2018 fairy tale moment in my own relationship.
Haha, funny thing is my boyfriend is OBSESSED with Jay.
So if you know me you know Beyoncé is EVERYTHING. I proudly stan for her and she put on the most epic amazing performance at Coachella this year (curse you but also bless you if you saw it live) and I was super bummed because I was working the day it was streaming completely missed the whole thing, so the next day I am sulking around watching everyone fan girl out and watching sad Instagram videos of the bits and pieces of this epic performance, my boyfriend who knows everything about anything on the internet is like, "Why are you watching it on Instagram I can just download it for you." I am still not trusting his computer smarts, "Like HD version not like someones phone like actual video?!" he's like, "Yeah." A few click clack patty whacks later he's like, "Here's the file when it's done it'll ding but if you want I am going to the roof when I come back I'll watch it with you." Now ladies this isn't the best story but understand not only did he get me Beyoncé but he wanted to watch it with me so now I am just reeling! Long story short, we watched Beyoncé, cuddled up, and thoroughly enjoyed it and that was my fairy tale. I want all of you reading this, skimming it, pretending to read to walk away with just this one thing; in 2018 no one but YOU can define what your relationship is and that is okay as long as it speaks to your character and serves YOU equally in happiness, and joy then do it, talk about what you do and don't like and remember that every fairy tale ends differently, and no fairy tale is the same.