Thank You for Tearing Me Apart

I thought I had found my forever with you. A future without you became a future I couldn’t imagine, and I was not so secretly already planning our wedding. Everything we did was together, and every decision we made was discussed with the other. We were so good at compromise, and the chemistry we shared was unmatchable. We meshed so well together, and I was the happiest I had ever been.

That all came crashing down our senior year of college. Communication between the two of us diminished to sometimes not even speaking for an entire day. Saying “I love you” turned into routine, not genuine feelings. One final trip to visit your family showed us that the chemistry we once had just wasn’t there anymore. We had outgrown each other, and we couldn’t keep lying to ourselves anymore.

The breakup itself was brutal. I thought I had figured out the rest of my life, and suddenly it was all a mystery again, except this time I didn’t have anyone to help me prepare for the unknown like you did. My constant form of comfort whenever anything went wrong was gone. My best friend in my loneliest times wasn’t just a call away anymore. My biggest supporter in my times of success wasn’t there to continue encouraging me to be my best self anymore. I didn’t have my ray of sunshine on my cloudy days, and I didn’t have my anchor back to earth on my high horse days. This person who was in every single moment of my life for the last 3 and a half years was suddenly a stranger to me. I had to start over again, and learn how to let someone else into my life after you stole my heart and ground it into ash. I had come crashing down, and it was going to take a lot of rehab to rebuild my broken spirit.

Luckily, I had an amazing support group. My friends and family did everything they could to keep my calm and collected, yet busy enough to not wallow in my own self pity.

On top of my amazing support group, I was about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life—the Disney College Program. Not even 3 weeks after the breakup, I packed up my life and moved to Orlando, Florida to work in Disney’s Animal Kingdom. The move, scary as it was, turned into one of the most life-changing adventures of my life. Not only was I fresh out of a breakup, I was in a brand new city where I knew absolutely no one. It was the perfect opportunity to rebuild myself into the person I wanted to be. I could completely start over, and I could be more than good enough and comfortable like I was with my ex. I could be anything I wanted to be.

I made friends very quickly in the college program. They weren’t kidding when they said the friends you make on your program will become friends for life. I also stopped caring about what people thought about me. I decided that Orlando was such a big city, it didn’t matter if someone didn’t like me, because chances are I would never see them again. I learned that it’s okay to have fun, and it is in fact fun to have fun. I gained a very open mind meeting so many people from so many different places and cultures, and I became a very tolerant person (although unfortunately it looks like patience is still yet to be learned). I turned into a person I wanted to be, and in turn, I’m happier than I ever was with my ex. I started loving life again, appreciating everything the world had to offer me, taking nothing for granted. I became the best version of me.

I’m still living in Florida right now. I loved my college program so much, I extended it a little longer. I’ll return home to finish school in January, but I plan on permanently relocating to Florida once I get my degree. I’m in a new, happy relationship, and I haven’t spoken to my ex in months. I still keep in contact with his family, who became like family to me in the time we were together. Last I heard, he was also in a new, happy relationship, and honestly, I’m happy for him. Us going our separate ways ended up being such a positive thing in my life, and I do hope the case is the same for him.

So, I never thought I would say this, but thank you for breaking me. Thank you for tearing me apart, and thank for you for not sparing a single feeling. I got to rebuild myself because of you, and I’m so happy to begin my life as the happiest version of myself to date.