Thank You for Breaking Me

The night you left:

Your text message read:

I don’t think I love you anymore. As a matter of fact, I never truly loved you. I have never been ready for a relationship, but the fear of you hurting yourself I stayed. I do not know why I came back to you. It was a mistake. All of this is a mistake. You’ll understand later why I am doing this.

I wrote back:

Why are you doing this? You promised you were not going to leave AGAIN. You owe me an explanation. What did I do wrong? What changed overnight? I was just with you less than eight hours ago. You did not have this problem while I was in your bed.

You again:

I cannot do this right now. Can we talk when I’m sober?

Me again:

You promise we will talk about this…in person?

*I sent messages to you the next day and you never responded.

COWARD.

A few days later:

Your text message read:

I left because I did not want to cheat on you. I have not cheated on you yet, but I do not want to do it, so I had to break your heart. But even if I did have an affair with someone it’s not like you were my girlfriend. I do not owe you anything it’s not like we are married.

My heart shattered, but these words stuck with me:

“There is a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you.” - Milk and Honey

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My moving on words:

Thank you.

Thank you oh so very much.

Thank you for giving up on the hope of us two ever making it work. Thank you for all the empty promises and broken dreams I thought we had together. Thank you for making me see the boy you truly are. I was in love with the words because you never showed any actions. I clung on to you for so long for the hope you would realize the person you had.

One mistake I will not commit is to abandon our relationship. I realized something you did not—It is that I deserve hands that will never relinquish their grip on me, hands that will hold me faithfully and undoubtedly. I did not deserve someone who could not love me at my worst. You failed to cherish me entirely.

You lost.

That smile, big beautiful smile, is no longer because of you. Stop fooling yourself. Stop pretending that you have a part of me that no one else can have. You crushed this heart it in all the right places for someone else to put it back together, allowing whoever they may be to make me feel whole. I will assure you to not make the same mistakes you did.

You do not need to check up on me or my family as they are no longer yours. I am doing great if you absolutely need to know simply because I have the strength of a warrior. We keep pushing through no matter what tries to pull us down. Keep reminding yourself that every time you want to call. You were everything that tore my heart and soul apart. You are everything I hated about myself.

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Years later:

He will love me in a capacious ballroom floor. In scrupulous care. In tenuous walls. In an endless earth rotation. He will love me in all the ways you failed too. He will love me without any intent of quitting.

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What he will tell you:

The woman who loves me is not the same woman who used to be there for you. As you should know, every single cell in a human body dies and is replaced with new cells. It is like being reborn again. Shedding any trail left of you on her is now gone. She is a completely new woman. There is no longer a part of her that you have touched. You are only a memory too distant to be remembered.

For your own sake, move on.

You had her.

She gave you everything.

You took that for granted.

And now I thank you for giving me someone to love unconditionally.