Thank you, Dustin

Dear Dustin,

At the risk of insulting everyone that I have a deep connection with, I can confidently say that you are the one person who truly understands me. When we lived together, you saw me in every state – depressed, drunk, happy, heartbroken, angry, playful, and so many more. Yet, you never made me felt judged. You were always, and still are, supportive of me.

The reason I bring this up is because it is indicative of one of the best things about you. You see people as they are, and accept their greatness and shortcomings as part of them. Even if you encounter someone you dislike, you never disrespect them. You are the most earnest, thoughtful, and humble person I have ever met.

What John and Alyssa said during their speech at your wedding reception was correct. When someone meets you, they know they’ve met a friend.

Your jokes and sense of humor are amplified by the bass tones of your voice. It’s impossible to hear someone tell a story about you, or to receive a text from you and not hear it in your deep, yet unintimidating voice. Even when you make a joke at someone’s expense, you don’t do it in a way that hurts anyone’s feelings. For example, remember when my snoring patterns started to get weird? You sat outside my bedroom door and recorded the sound so that you could play it back to me when we were both awake. I still think about that sometimes, and love that that is something that you would do.

You also don’t lash out in violence in situations where other people would, and this is a good thing. Another example: You were having trouble with sleeping in too long sometimes, and I wanted to help. I discovered that you’re a very sound sleeper, so instead of simply trying to nudge your shoulder, I’d barge into your bedroom, blast a song by Three Six Mafia, lift the end of your bed and start shaking it. Anyone else would have at least threatened to kill me. Instead, you, ever good-natured, woke up and groggily said, “Hey.”

However, I do want you to know that if you ever lash out, or say something mean, or are negative in any way, I’ll take your example and treat you the way you treat your friends and family. There few times I ever spoke to you in anger, I deeply regret, because you never earned my anger. I’m so sorry. So, now that I’m far more stable than those years ago days where we lived in a garden apartment in the city, if you’re ever angry, or a mess, or in any state that is not “ideal,” I will treat you with the care and kindness you deserve.

When you and my sister, Liv, fell in love, it was with extreme joy that I watched two of my favorite people start to weave their lives together. With her, you moved further from your birthplace than you’d ever been, but you weren’t scared. You faced it with optimism and more aplomb than most people can muster for an interstate move. You knew how certain people in your life would negatively react, but you went for it, anyway. Because you, Dustin, are true to yourself, and knew that being by the side of the love of your life, Liv, was far more important than any passive aggression anyone back in your old state could throw at you.

Whenever you or other people say that you resemble Ben Folds, I like to think that they’re giving Ben Folds a huge compliment. Whenever I cook with hon dashi, I remember the time you pronounced it incorrectly, despite never seeing it written. Whenever I’m at the Japanese grocery store nearby, I always pick up a bag of those milk plum candies you grew to like when we lived together. Even though we’re living a state apart, I still feel connected to you. A great thing is, since you’re now my brother-in-law, I get to see you for holidays at the same time as my mother and sisters. While we used to joke that you were my older brother, and I was your younger brother (since despite being a cis female, I’d often act like a frat boy when we partied together), it’s the greatest thing that you are actually, by law, my brother now.

You occupy a very special, unique place in my heart, reserved for you and only you. My best friend. The only man worthy of Liv. A man who won the endorsement of my mother and other sister.

Dustin, you’re my “ride-or-die.” I don’t know where we’re riding, or why death is even in the picture, but as long as you’re there, I know it’ll be a wonderful ride. Thank you for showing what the best of humanity looks like.

Love,

Mimi