Testing the Waters

“So, you are sure you want to give this a try? You aren’t just getting into this because you know I like women too?”

“That is a big bonus.”

“But the non-monogamy. What if I date other men?”

“This is our first date. You are a strong independent woman. I won’t stop you.”

Lauren rolled her eyes, frustrated by this typical response she had been getting throughout the summer. This had been her first date after a year-long hiatus from dating apps. Being so far from home though she was getting lonely. She needed someone and had been longing for intimacy. A vibrator could only get her so far in life. That is how a Tinder swipe had led her here.

This guy, with his borderline made-up name, had provoked genuine laughter from her with one message. Then he had continued to surprise her with some charming messages. She felt conflicted about meeting, usually, Lauren was completely upfront about her status regardless of how much trouble others had with grasping the concept.

She had friends, and then she had friends. Currently, two men living on the other side of the country. What she wanted though was a boyfriend or a girlfriend—ideally one of each that got along. Trying to explain that to a straight white monogamous man was like beating her head against a wall.

And then you had these guys that would flatter and please, they’d say they were completely fine with it. Then once things started to get heavy they would ghost. Lauren wondered if she would be able to handle it this time—this guy was a Class A Ghoster, no question about it. She looked down to the glass of Merlot wine before her, the ruby red liquid looked delicious and enticing but to her unpracticed palette, it tasted bitter and dry. Much like this man sitting before her. Tom Tomson? Honestly. She knew she should not have agreed to drinks on a patio for a first meeting—it made her feel trapped.

Lauren grabbed her coat, “I’m sorry. This isn’t what I am looking for.”

His mouth dropped open, “Are you for real? You are just going to leave me here?”

“Yep. Enjoy your… whatever,” she turned to go, unexpectedly bumping into someone. Lauren muttered an apology and kept going, ignoring Tom’s indignant shouts. She didn’t stop walking until she had turned the street corner. Out of sight, she pressed her face against the cold glass of a bus stop, sucking in a deep breath. It had taken a lot of energy for her to walk out on him like that. She waited for her heartbeat to slow and the dizziness of anxiety to fade.

“Um, miss?”

Lauren stiffened, uncertain who could be talking to her. She turned and forced a smile, “Yes?”

He’s tall, was her first thought. The next was, “Oh, I’m so sorry. You are the man I bumped into earlier.”

“It’s really okay,” he responded, “But I think this fell out of your pocket?”

He held out a cell phone with a red phone case, the screen freshly cracked. Lauren reflexively checked her pockets, “I can’t believe it. Thank you so much.”

She took her phone from him. They shared an awkward moment, one of those instant mutual attraction moments. She liked his carefully groomed beard with gray creeping in. His kind eyes. They looked at each other, Lauren breaking eye contact and blushing, “Um, maybe, I should get your number in case... um…”

What was she trying to say? Her mind had gone blank. She quickly tucked the phone in her pocket and started walking away, “I have to get home.”

To her shock, he called after her, “Can I walk you? I mean, maybe that is way too inappropriate. That guy doesn’t know where you live, right?”

Lauren paused, turning back to him, “He doesn’t. Thankfully.”

“How about I give you my number and you can let me know you got home safely?”

She took another look at him, her eyes giving him a once-over. Then she pulled out her phone, “What’s your name?”

“Jonas Johnstone.”

Lauren raised a brow, “You can’t be serious?”

“Dead as, afraid so. My parents have a thing about J names. My sisters are Jane and Jolene.”

“At least they didn’t name you John or Joe,” Lauren smiled, typing in the name and saving his number.

“That sounds like my worst nightmare. Well, um…”

“Lauren.”

“Lauren, nice meeting you. I look forward to your text.”

She waved goodbye before continuing her walk, body tense until she had locked her front door and stretched out on her bed. She didn’t send him a message right away, wondering if that connection had been genuine or imagined. She tried distracting herself but her eyes kept drifting to her phone. She typed out, Home safe and sound.

He responded a few minutes later, Thanks, my gentleman heart couldn’t take not knowing. She laughed, wondering what his story was. Her phone buzzed with another message: Would you like to meet again? Maybe a walk in a well-lit public space?

Lauren didn’t hesitate. Do you know what polyamory is?

Ethical non-monogamy.

What’s your present relationship status?

100% single right now.

Finally, she wouldn’t have to go through the frustration of explaining her sexuality and the difference between polygamy and polyamory. Even if one chance encounter didn’t turn into a relationship it would just be nice to have someone to swap stories with. Someone that understood the added complications of nontraditional dating. She texted back. Maybe a walk along the riverfront is a good start?

Three days later they met outside of a coffee shop to start their walk. Lauren, seeing him dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans felt her heart quicken—the attraction was definitely still there. She happily accepted the cold tea he had gotten her, their hands touching in that cheesy rom-com movie magic way. Lauren glanced up, he was looking at her lips already.

“This is crazy but, can I kiss you?” He asked.

Her cheeks felt hot. Lauren nodded. He smelled of cedarwood. She could taste the coffee on his tongue. The feel of him overwhelmed her, cold tea splashing to the ground. They embraced for a long moment, each of them reluctant to let the moment end. After another heartbeat Lauren pulled back, her face still flushed, “I think we are off to a good start.”

He laughed, “I think so. Would you like another tea?”

Lauren chewed her lip, trying not to imagine taking him home and undressing him right then and there, “It’s okay. I do need to cool off after that though.”

She led him along the water to one of the docks before slipping off her shoes and letting her feet dangle over the ledge. He followed suit, pulling his foot back after dipping a toe in the water, “It’s freezing! Certainly one way to get our minds out of the gutter but… that was a first kiss I don’t want to forget any time soon.”

Lauren agreed, “Random encounters with strangers have a much higher payoff.”

He laughed, “It does help when you feel that mutual attraction. Damn you can be cold though, making fun of my name like that.”

“Sorry, not sorry Jonas Johnstone,” Lauren responded, a smirk spreading across her face, “The date I walked out on, his name was Tom Tomson.”

Jonas laughed until tears were in his eyes, “Can’t make that shit up. No wonder you were so skeptical. Was it the name that made you walk?”

Lauren sighed, “No. I’m just so tired of everyone making such quick assumptions about me all the time. Especially on those dating apps—they just see one dimension of me. I want something deeper. Something real.”

Jonas nodded, pulling his feet out of the water into a cross-legged position, “I get it. Going against the grain isn’t easy but I’ve been much happier for it. Polyamory is freeing but also challenging. Communication is so critical and the deeper I get into it the more I’m realizing every single relationship is completely unique and every definition of non-monogamy is slightly different. Everything exists on a spectrum with more than 50 shades of gray.”

“Jonas, you really had me going there.”

He laughed, “I’m sorry but I am serious. Sexuality, relationships, gender—all these human constructs have subtle differences.”

“So, sexuality? I’m bisexual.”

“So am I. 100% male though I think I would look good in heels,” he said, jokingly adjusting invisible breasts.

“Oh, I am sure of that. I’m female but I don’t always feel it, especially around women.”

“Interesting, okay, I do want to know more about that if you feel comfortable. Ideal relationship? I think I’d be happy with just one significant other in my life. I like knowing that I can have that discussion if I ever do want to find a second person.”

“Me too. Ideally, I want a triad. Gender doesn’t matter and each person being treated as equal. No unicorns or dating a relationship.”

“What is a unicorn?”

“You know, that fabled girl that will have a threesome with a couple. It’s just sex and nothing else. I want to be a human dating two individual people that just happen to be dating each other.”

“Well, I know it is hard, but I’m sure we can find it.”

“We?”

“I mean—if that kiss was anything to go off of.”

Lauren smiled, “I think you better put your feet back in the water for now.”

“Too much?”

“A bit but I like it so far.”

“Good.”

It was dark by the time Jonas walked her to her front door. She had been debating if she should invite him inside ever since that first kiss. Their eyes met. She leaned in, kissing him on her front steps. The question finally came out, “Would you like to come in?”

He wrapped her into a hug, “I would love to but as a rule, I never have sex until at least date number three.”

“Huh, that is a first. I guess we better schedule two more dates. Unless you want to count our chance encounter as a first?”

Jonas stroked his beard, “You are so tempting.”

“When are you free next?”

Jonas made a sound, biting his lip, “I don’t want to see you for at least a week.”

Lauren’s eyes widened, unable to stop herself from feeling hurt and secretly berating herself for pushing the matter. He must have noticed the shift because he asked her what was wrong.

“I’m really tired of ghosts,” she sighed.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was half-joking. I just don’t want to move too fast is all.”

Lauren understood, but it didn’t make the rush of feelings any easier to control, “I guess I’ll see you in one week then.”

“I look forward to it,” he gave her a kiss on the cheek and waved goodbye. She did everything she could to not think of him all night. In the morning she turned her phone off and vigorously cleaned the house from top to bottom as a means of working out her sexual aggression. She didn’t stop until she heard the doorbell ring. Her life really had become an awful rom-com she realized as she opened the door. It was Jonas holding a rose and a box of chocolates.

“Too much?” He asked.

Lauren wiped away a tear, “A bit but I really like it.”

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Written by Kelsey Reich on April 2/2021 in Ontario, Canada.