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"Tamed" by a lover

Four stages are inseparable

By Seamons MahallPublished 4 months ago 7 min read
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"Tamed" by a lover
Photo by Connor Misset on Unsplash

Lovers' taming

We all want to be in a relationship and reap the benefits of happiness and sweetness, rather than pain and anxiety.

However, many people are in an "unhappy" relationship, knowing that it is very torturous, but can not quit, can not break.

Are you experiencing the cold violence of your lover, waiting for a long time with no reply to the message? You are lost in your lover's unpredictable attitude, everyday thinking, and depression?

You are becoming less confident, more sensitive, and even hysterical.

You may doubt yourself: Am I a bad partner?

It is not your fault. Perhaps you are being "emotionally abused" by your lover.

You know, nervous, irrational, or hysterical is not the normal state of a person. Only in an abnormal state of mind, people will produce "incomprehensible" behavior.

Think back, are these comments given to you by your partner?

You are decent, confident, and elegant in front of others. Only in front of that person, you are humble as the dust, can only desperately please ta, in exchange for a few happy chips.

The lover has a good attitude towards you, you are happy this day; the lover ignores you, you are depressed this day.

All your happiness depends on "how that person treats you".

If you are experiencing this painful emotional relationship, then you need to be careful, you are not being manipulated by an "emotional abuser".

Because, this is not a normal relationship, but a distorted emotional relationship.

It's just that the authorities are confused, and what you think is "love" is your fantasy good.

This object, in your relationship, to play the role of "abuser"; and you, with the "lover's filter" to magnify the advantages of ta, convince themselves to accept ta, to justify ta's abusive behavior.

However, do you know how you are "tamed" step by step?

Stage 1: Let you enjoy the feeling of pleasure overload

In the idealized stage, this kind of lover will spoil you and tout their "prey".

Perhaps at first, you are not too fond of them, keep a decent distance they are chasing you, and adore you, but this is only their first step to gaining your favor.

Under their flattery, you are confident, feel their charm irresistible, gain an unprecedented sense of existence, but also feel the happiness and sweet love.

This feeling is like a poison that slowly erodes your will, making you addicted and obsessed.

The lover will pitch in, they seem to meet all your expectations of an ideal partner and have all the qualities of an ideal lover.

They will greet you on time every day, keep an eye on you, care about all the little details about you, and will surprise you with promises. However, such happy days will not last long, because this is only the "prelude" to your relationship.

If you because a person is very good to you, and to ta labeled "ideal lover", then it is still too early.

The next few days may make you doubt the relationship; more seriously, you will begin to doubt yourself and devalue yourself.

Stage 2: The "abuser" slowly withdraws and your emotions are held in check

At this stage, usually one to three months into the relationship, the former "perfect lover" starts to become careless.

They are brilliant at not becoming cold all at once, but gradually, little by little, pulling away.

They will be very clever to create a "you are increasingly dependent on a" feeling, such as making you anxiously waiting for a reply, so that you expect to fail, or create the "own very sought-after" illusion, so that your jealous hard, etc.

And you simply can not notice these subtle changes, only thinking that this is the proof of your love deeper and deeper.

You want to be discontented more often, but you still have your inner little arrogance, so you start to respond to your partner's slackness with a little temper, a little capriciousness.

The partner will not ignore you at first but will coax you back into love after you are angry.

However, after a few days, it will be the same old trick again, they will start to neglect you and leave you alone again, and you will start to have mood swings and repeat your temper tantrums to gain love.

Stage 3: After you get hysterical, you become the one who takes the initiative to please

As the number of your arguments increased, your relationship gradually changed.

The person who once held you in high regard becomes increasingly silent and ignores all your emotions. This is one thing that you can not accept, from heaven to hell like feeling, really bad.

And that's when the "emotional abuser" really starts to abuse.

They seem to be able to not be affected by your behavior, but like a bystander, observing your every move, when the time to throw "ammunition" to stimulate you.

In other words, your anger or sadness, for them, such as watching the play is enjoyable. They are willing, you can be happy, but also can suffer.

What's worse, some "emotional abusers" will take advantage of your jealousy, deliberately create and other people ambiguous phenomena.

They seem to enjoy the feeling of jealousy to satisfy their cheap vanity. When they interact with the opposite sex, they will expect you to react. However, they aim to make you suffer, and only watching you fall into the dust will make them feel superior.

So, you become hysterical and unbelievable, and all of this is because they are leading you into trouble step by step.

But you become the one who is "unreasonable" in the mouth of your partner.

Even, others will not understand you, and think you "too much".

And you, starting to be overwhelmed, become less confident, doubt their charm, and even to please each other, cater to each other, put all the focus on that person.

Stage 4: Completely give up on you and drive you into a dead end

Finally, the "abuser" does not need to do anything, just keep ignoring you, and you will be able to easily crush you.

Yes, from this to the end they did not give anything to you but just mobilize your emotions.

At this point, your self-esteem has been destroyed by them, and lost your sense of self-worth. And they will come up with the strongest killer - silence.

You will be in their silent self-torture, completely losing the opportunity to leave, for them to complete the rest of the emotional abuse process.

That person doesn't have to do anything but leave you alone with your thoughts.

Or, they will coldly put some subtle dynamics in social networks to stimulate you, so that you think even more.

Poor you, you can only wash your face with tears and fall into a state of depression, unable to extricate yourself.

You still foolishly think is how much you love ta, how inseparable from this person, and even think that this person is so good that it eats you to death.

Perhaps you sent a lot of heartfelt text messages, telling how much they do not want to give up, but they just coldly read your those desperate messages but never reply.

By this time, the "emotional abuser" has not bothered to hide their abuse but to humiliate you nakedly.

In this process, you vaguely feel that the person seems to want you to kick him, and he will try to make you sad and hurt, you can also feel that he lost interest in the relationship. However, they will not take the initiative to say it, but put the blame on your head - it is your affliction that ruined the relationship.

Looking back on the relationship, you will see that the person did not contribute anything substantial to your relationship - except for the empty praise and flattery that was initially used to cover up their abusive purpose.

The idealization process was just a tool and means they used to control you.

All that can remain in your relationship is pain, confusion, and chaos.

Silence, an exceptionally cruel form of mental abuse, by its very nature drives you to confront your mind and is the most powerful weapon to obliterate one's self-esteem.

However, you should know that it is not your problem, nor does it mean that you have lost your good qualities, but rather the behavior of that person so that you have an "abnormal" state of mind.

Although, we can not think too badly of others, but in reality, there are too many people manipulated by "emotional abusers", also known as "PUS".

They are in a painful cool-DE-sac, unable to walk, unable to forget, unable to let go, tormenting their bodies and souls.

These words are written so that people who are experiencing pain can see clearly how they are "tamed" and look at the relationship from the perspective of a bystander.

Remember, you can no longer provide energy for the "abuser"!

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About the Creator

Seamons Mahall

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