Often there are times where I come across people that make me smile—young, old, middle-aged, people who never let their inner child grow up and don’t care about how they are viewed by others. The ones who completely make my day are the old couples who still flirt like teenagers, the elderly man who still buys his wife flowers every day, the gentleman who still pulls his wife’s chair out when they sit down at a restaurant. They never let their love die, and they still look at each other just as if it were the first day they met.
I wouldn't define myself as an overly anxious person. I do tend to worry about a lot of things in my life. This is one of them.
Marriage itself is hard, but when you are married to someone in the military, it just makes it twice as hard because of the deployments—or if you live separately due to conflict, money, or whatever reason you have. I've been with my husband for six years, married for one. When I tell you that this past year has been no picnic for either of us, I am not joking one bit. I am writing this because I don't believe in sugar coating or giving something another name. I have always been blunt and direct, even though it has gotten me into trouble multiple times. A lot of people don't understand the struggle that my husband and I go through, and lot of people don't understand because they aren't living our life with the heartaches and headaches that it has brought. So this post is going to be pretty candid and if you can't handle direct or truth, this is not the story for you.
I think, see, and hear my husband in every single thing that I do. Every love song that I hear. Even the songs where the man is sorry because he messed up with the woman that he loves. Every time I talk to guys at work about comic books and nerd speak, I bring up the Punisher and Loki which are the characters that he likes. When a co-worker is talking about his wife and kid he has on the way, I think about my husband and how I wish he was here with me and how I wonder how he would act and feel if we were having a baby. When he talks about his mother-in-law and his family I think about my own. When I watch movies where the couples face prison or a loved one's death I think of him. When I see a marriage falling apart, a renewal of vows, a marriage, a proposal, or an anniversary I think of him and how we should be doing these things and spending this time together.
Recently, I skimmed an article called something like, “Five Things Your Husband Needs from You.” And it was fine, it listed good stuff like approval and affection and, of course, sex. And all that is important. But it’s also—forgive me—vague. Yes, your husband needs your approval... however, how do you show that? Which got me thinking. I like concrete instructions. Simple, exact things I can do to bless husband’s life, so I made my own list!
So, I have been approached by some that have asked me, why did you marry so young? The quick answer to that is simple. I married my best friend.
Marriage is hard. It's confusing, scary, messy, and sometimes it's even sad. But that isn't all. It's also incredible, fulfilling, intoxicating, warm, sexy, fun, safe, beautiful, and so so much more. Honestly, if your marriage isn't all of these things, something needs adjusting.
We live in a fairytale world where movies on Hallmark or Lifetime lead us to believe that marriage is perfect. It makes us think that the term happy wife happy life is all marriage is. However, I’m here to tell you that it’s not! It’s far from that. This will be about us. Our story on the road to marriage, coming from the road of separation.
I once asked a male friend of mine what men wanted in a relationship. His answer was simple and to the point. He said food, sex, and leave my shit alone.
This morning, my husband made the mistake of asking, "How are you feeling?" Funny how he continues to ask that question, like a damn robot, no matter how many times I tell him I hate that question! He only asks it because he wants to know if he's "safe" after several days of my increasing moodiness and withdrawal. However, it is delivered with very little actual concern or curiosity, let alone presence. It comes out like a tape-recorded message. I didn't want to answer, but ignoring him would just cause a different problem.
We met when we were 15-years-old at a hunter's safety course. During a break on the second day (it was a three day course), I noticed him and his friends staring at me. I already knew one of the guys in the group so I motioned for him to come over and asked why they were staring. I was told it was because they wanted to meet me. So my friend introduced us. Back in class, a couple of the guys, including my friend, were trying to impress me, except for the man that would later become my husband. He just kept his mouth shut, watched, and listened. During the final break, I got cold so I wrapped my arms around myself and just stared out the doors. One of the new guys wrapped his arm around me like we were the best of friends. Excuse me??! I asked him to remove his arm, that he didn't know me enough to touch me like that. He didn't listen which led to him and my friend fighting. Over me... seriously??! I didn't know guys actually did that kind of thing! The boy that would become my husband took his leather jacket off, came over to me, wrapped his jacket around my shoulders, and walked me away from them, saying, "Come on, you don't need to be around these idiots." Smooth! From that moment on, we were the best of friends.