When the Ex Refuses to Let Go
When I was young, I always thought I would have an amazing first date with someone when I got older. He would pick me up and take me to a movie and then grab a nice dinner. Unfortunately, that was not the case in this situation.
On Wednesday night, I participated in Speed Dating for the first time. The night was so interesting I had to share my story. Unfortunately, I do not have any accompanying pictures, but you can use your own imagination to imagine what my “dates” looked like, along with the hilarious predicaments I found myself in.
These days I'm not too positive what constitutes a date exactly. But I am gonna go ahead and count this. First a little background; at the time of this story, I was 20 years old, going through a breakup with a slightly abusive man who I'd moved back to Arizona for and just generally unhappy in my life and relationships especially. I was working at the Olive Garden in Scottsdale, Arizona as a waitress (and doing very poorly I might add).
Crissy revealed herself to me first as a mirage. I saw her first as I'd always known her; that slight, black-clad, sullen little girl with her black hair pulled taut in a ponytail, and that blended in to who she was now. She still had the same facial structure and her hair was still midnight black, but she was older now. No Sepultura T-shirt and ripped jeans tonight. Instead, she wore a black blouse, knee high skirt, and fishnet stockings, and her hair was down, loose, and flowing over her shoulders, hiding the Egyptian ankh hovering around her collarbones. It took me a second to see what she'd been reading when I came in, but I frowned nonetheless. I'd never heard of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, and I had only the most basic idea of what an archipelago was, let alone a gulag.
First dates are often nerve-wracking because you're always thinking about making the best first impression.
During the most vindictive and biased divorce in the history of mankind, I found myself desperate for a healthy and satisfying relationship. It was a lonely night, shortly after the New Year, that I found myself exploring the personal section of Craigslist for the very first time, about five years ago.
There was this very popular guy in my town, well known for his humor. A tall, Black man, completely bald (which I later found out after he removed his hat). He was all over my Facebook, friends tagging him in everything or commenting on his videos and pictures. He wasn't the cleanest cut guy I had ever met but he was very funny. He was that charming type of funny. Or so I thought. He had been frequently liking and commenting on my pictures and videos on Facebook right before I heard my Messenger App ding.
To tell the story of the worst date I can remember, I'd have to go back quite a ways. Twelve years to be exact. I had just gotten out of college and was a bit of a lost soul. The problems with this date stemmed just as much from my poor judgment at the time as her apparent insanity. I was willing to date any reasonably attractive girl willing to make time for me. Character? Integrity? Class? What are those things? I just needed to find her reasonably attractive. I must also confess I am admitting things in this story that I am not exactly proud of. There are multiple things I would have loved to have done differently as I recount this foolish tale of my younger self and a crazy woman. But those details factor into the plot though and I cannot tell the story without them. So full disclosure, here we go.
Fuck buddy (FB), friends with benefits (FWB), no strings attached. All of these names are used to describe the same thing: casual sex without emotional attachment. Most common in metropolitan cities where people have more freedom and money, and less religious standards. One can not talk about FB without mentioning One Night Stand, which means to have casual sex once only. While FB is casual, One Night Stand is even more casual. It usually happens with drunken people followed with regret. FB is deeper, more thoughtful, and premeditated. It could be an extension of that one night stand if you don't regret it.
Let's flashback to Valentine's Day 2012. I was literally wearing my heart on my sleeve but I decided this year, I would put no pressure on the day despite the very obvious fact this day was supposed to be the most romantic day of the year.