Swipe Right Stories

I swiped right with anticipation. No shirt, tiger, bathroom, gun or holding a big fish photos. His profile showed a nice smile and warm eyes. Messages were friendly and polite. He worked in television production and seemed like someone who could hold an interesting conversation so when he asked me to go for a drink later that week I had no reason not to. What did I have to lose?

Well……

Date night was also his birthday which I found out on arrival and thought was a little strange. He took a few birthday calls and texts while I sat cradling my wine. One call was from his five-year-old son where I overheard a few grunts and “yeah sweet bro” before he hang up and proceeded to tell me he didn’t have much time for his kid as he could not really be bothered. I clarified….. he’s five years old?

Yeah…. not so sweet bro.

After a few questions it was evident his television production job was a blatant lie. Not even a good one.

Smelling like he had tipped a bottle of old spice aftershave over his stringy oily hair the conversation turned to specific questions from him to me. How much do you weigh? What size are your jeans? How much do you weigh again?

I responded the first time with a smile and laughed off the inappropriate question. By the time he asked me again what I tipped the scales at I was fighting to keep my hands around the wine and not slap his smarmy face. What. a. tool.

I had so many wonderful male friends growing up and have met some amazing men from all over the world on my travels. How on earth do these ones slip through the cracks? How did he seem so normal over text but in real life was everything I was not looking for and more. Bridget Jones never had to put up with this guy…….

Setting a record this date went for a solid 29 minutes I will never get back. I wondered how many other women and men around the world on that night were going through the same pain. Of anticipation and hope that turns to stories we tell our mates over a beer whilst cringing through reliving every moment. Followed by the sympathy chat we are all so tired of hearing but ask for anyway.

I am reminded of all the people that tried to convince me to marry my childhood sweetheart and not pack my bags and move overseas “people like him don’t come around too often you know”. Turns out they were right. Whilst I wouldn’t change the decision to leave and travel if I had my time over, I wondered if I was still putting up with jerks like this in 10 years time whether I would have a different perspective.

Some choices really are life changers.

The final clincher? When this terrible date messaged me for 2 weeks post the date to tell me what a great time he had and that he would love to do it all over again.

Ummmm….. no thank you (said with clenched teeth and a fake smile). I replied that I had gone up a jeans size since I saw him last and didn’t think he would be into that. He agreed.

To the next girl……. I’m so very sorry there isn't a dating eject button. If only I could warn you I would.