Support: Buildings, Boobs, but why not you

When a building is falling a part, they put scaffolding and other supports in place to steady it to make it easier for people to work on it.

Everyday the majority of cis women put on bras to support their boobs and make them look better.

When January 1st rolls around and then again in the spring time everyone gets concerned with how they look and want to get in shape however they do not look at themselves needing the same type of support as a building getting remolded.

Your friend going through a hard time and barely keep themselves upright is not seen as needing the same type of assistant as a bra.

The thing is they do. They need support. They need someone to lean on and hold them until they can hold themselves again or they need someone to help build them up to the next level and help them achieve the image they want to see.

So what does good support look like? Well its one that offers

Accountability - having a group of people who won't give up on you because you are having a bad day but also will be your cheering section when you win. They will usually host check ups with you to make sure that you are hitting your goals and continue moving forward. If you are going through a difficult situation accountability could just mean making sure that you are meeting your activities of daily living and keeping up on your bills.

Fellowship- The meeting of people with a common trait as you. If you are trying to lose weight and get healthier you want to build a fellowship of people who are trying to accomplish the same thing. If you just lost a loved one or battling mental illness or addiction support groups are another place to find fellowship. Now a days with the introduction of social media there is no excuse for not connecting with with support groups to help you with what ever you need.

Be Present- Support systems only work if you are willing to build those relationships with people and ask for help when you need. Also, you need a support system that plays an active role in your life, like meetings, hang outs, coffee, texting.

So the next question becomes what characteristics make up negative support?

Criticism - We all have that one person in our lives that no matter what we do it is always wrong. Yea that person is not part of a good healthy support system. Do not get me wrong some criticism is okay in support system but it should be constructive criticism and used to help build you up not tear you down.

Judgement - KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF KAREN! but in all seriousness, we are all different people who do things differently, you can give people the information but what they do with that information is up to them. You are meant to be your own person not to be the twin of someone else.

Negativity - This one is self explanatory.

The thing is with support systems you get to build them for whatever purpose you see fit and they do not have to be all encompassing.

I have my everyday friends who I hang out with and they help me get through life's everyday problems.

I have my family because my family is crazy and I need my siblings to help me navigate family functions.

I have my christian friends to grow in my faith.

I have my ace group for when I feel invalidated dating.

I go to the most amazing gym ever and have the most amazing coaches ever who handle my diet and exercise. They are really accomplishing a miracle.

With all my groups I am not missing anything nor do I feel the need for there to only be one. I have support for each aspect of my life and they handle it really well. It took me a long way to get here and find out what true support looks like. Keep looking for support, you need it and your life will be better with it. We can accomplish more together then apart.