Stop wasting your time and ghost them

Let's face it dating today is difficult even though people are a lot more accessible via social media, dating apps, social clubs, etc. The problem is that even though people are accessible they are not always emotionally available. It takes a lot of strength to look in the mirror and say, "I need to work on me first if I ever want to be in a healthy relationship." Instead people act on loneliness and drag others into their mess only to keep them at a distance. Here are 5 signs that you may be dealing with someone that is emotionally unavailable:

1.) They are always busy doing nothing. While they may sound interested when they are texting you or in your presence other small things may be more of a priority. They are avoiding attachment by keeping you at arm’s length. In the beginning they will express how much free time they have and may even spend a lot of it chasing you. But once they get more comfortable the phone calls and text messages will start to fade away because they no longer feel the need to work to get your attention. When you start to question the reduction of contact the usual excuses including sleeping, spending more time with friends, and going through some things. You are now questioning yourself wondering if you did or said something wrong since they no longer seem as interested. Please stop questioning yourself because you are not doing anything wrong. It's them not you, they are pushing you away and it's not your job to figure out why. Moving on early will prevent you from more pain later so delete him or her asap.

2.) They only call, text, or video chat with you when they are bored, or want something. You know those late-night texts that say "wyd, I'm bored come over." Pay attention to when they hit you up and why. Meaning if they are always calling or texting at night and mainly asking you to come over it's because they are lonely. Nobody likes to be alone all the time, even those who fear commitment. They may not be ready for a relationship, but they still want relationship benefits. If this is not something you can handle, then please avoid people that are emotionally unavailable at all costs.

3.) They hate when you ask basic questions. When you are dating someone you should be able to ask questions in order to get to know each other so why is he/she getting mad? Well the short answer is, because they are not really trying to build a connection with you. They just want your company during periods of loneliness. Try asking small questions or suggest a game that requires communication and transparency. If he or she is easily annoyed, refuse to answer questions, or give vague answers then it's time to head for the nearest exit. This type of person will not let you in and will mostly likely put you through the same pain they are avoiding. It's a natural reflex for some people to reject you before you can get a chance to reject them. Remember hurt people tend to hurt people and it's not always intentional but you still have to protect yourself by avoiding people with these traits.

4.) They don't show any interest in you or your interest. You are the one keeping the conversations going and sharing the details of your life, but they are not listening. It's because they don't really care. Their robotic responses usually include (that sucks, sorry to hear that, dang, etc.) Or they will completely change the subject to carry the conversation to a subject they are more interested in like when you guys are going to hook up again. This is the Netflix and chill type of person. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a night in watching a movie but if that's all they ever want to do and they avoid activities that require actual conversation then there is no real interest in getting to know you. If they never ask how you are doing or feeling, how was your day, what's on your mind etc. That's another red flag and a sign that you are wasting your time. Someone that’s not interested in your mind and wellbeing should not have access to your body.

5.) They are not clear on anything and unsure about everything. This is the biggest indicator that you are wasting your time. Everything about the direction you guys are going is maybe, one day, let’s see where it goes. Basically, let's do everything couples do but without a title okay friend. Next thing you know it's been years and you are still stuck in a situationship. Wanting to take things slow and build a friendship before jumping into a relationship is important but if they don't know what they want then they are not building towards anything with you. Eventually feelings will develop once time has been invested. Do not invest your time or your heart into something that is not a sure thing. Date with intention and find someone with those same intentions.

Yes, the single life can be boring and lonely, but your time is still valuable and it should never be wasted on emotionally unavailable people. Getting caught up in these situations can lead to heartbreak and block your blessings. Instead focus your energy on bettering yourself, invest time in people that truly care about you, and manifest the love life you desire and deserve.