Stop staring at these four things right now.

Your brain often creates imaginary monsters when you stare at the mirror for too long. Essentially, your brain gets bored and finds ways to scare you.

If you stare at someone else for too long, you become that person’s monster. Here are four problems you create by staring.

Things you can fix

My girlfriend and I have a Transparency Clause. If either of us smells and needs a shower, has something in our teeth, on our lips — anything that is distracting — we have full permission to tell the other person without getting in trouble.

I created this clause because of a previous relationship where I couldn’t mention anything without my ex blowing up on me. Establishing this policy at the beginning worked wonders for our relationship. It makes us more honest with each other.

This way, the other person isn’t completely distracted while we talk, not hearing a word we say because of some piece of food stuck in our teeth that has them hypnotized, grossed out, and wondering whether to say something.

If you see someone with an unzipped fly, don’t just stare at it, make yourself useful: Whisper that it is down, “Psst. You’re about to let the horse out of the barn.”

Otherwise, you’ll look like a creep staring at their crotch for two minutes straight.

Instagram or biology

What do most men agree on?

Shapes. We like shapes.

Spheres. Circles. Hourglasses (or cylinders…). Ovals. We like partial shapes too. We like looking at them and watching them move. We even like looking at lines!

These shapes, particularly on the female (or male) body are highly potent to our attention.

One of the most interesting case studies I’ve seen is in a trans-man I know here in Tampa. I knew him when he lived as a woman and saw his full transition happen over the course of 18 months. Today, he is indistinguishable from a lineup of other men.

He said something that fascinated me: “When I started taking testosterone, my eyes were magnetized to cleavage. It was jarring.”

And this isn’t to defend staring at cleavage. It’s just interesting to hear about this chemical instinct that boys experience in adolescence, seen from another angle.

Even at 38-years of age, I have to remind myself, “You are staring at her, stop.”

It feels rude — even when I’m at a gym where people are deliberately flaunting their bodies and showing tons of skin.

It isn’t just a mistake men make either.

For example, I was recently at Acropolis, a Greek restaurant, with my aunt. Two early-20s women came in, wearing very, very revealing skirts. Both appeared to have all sorts of work done, including lip and butt injections.

My aunt was staring at them for an uncomfortably long time while they took turns posing for Instagram photos in the middle of the restaurant. It was one of those disapproving older-people stares, done with a stone-face.

I said, “Pssst. Your staring is so obvious.”

She shrugged, “Eh. It’s obvious they want to be stared at.”

As an obligatory reminder, mind your gaze. People notice. Unless dancing nude on stage, most women don’t want you running your eyes all over them.

Stop looking at their food

There’s this new trend on YouTube, Mukbang, where users watch people eating their meals.

It usually involves a closeup of the mouth. You hear all the crunching and slurping — and these videos get many millions of views. It’s one of the grossest PG-rated things I’ve seen in my life.

Author via YouTube

Viewers watch for a number of reasons: to have company while eating, to feel relaxed (ASMR) while doing other things. It reminds them of eating a meal with their friends.

We are hardwired to stare at food because, in leaner times, there was less of it around.

Unless it’s on YouTube, don’t stare at someone else’s meal. It makes them self-conscious about eating. If anything, it’s dog-like. You look like you are begging for a treat.

Nobody wants to feel like a zoo animal during feeding hour, with people gathered at the glass pointing at us, “Look! She’s eating now!”

Definitely don’t sit and stare at a woman eating a banana.

Your points in anything

We live in a world where so many statistics are immediately available and updated in real-time. You can get your Fitbit watch to give you daily mileage and hourly step counts.

You can see your stock prices without having to watch that annoying stock ticker on TV like my grandpa did.

Author via Trading Warrior

The cycle of stats-checking is a black hole. You forget that looking at those numbers doesn’t cause them to go up. Looking at your Medium stats doesn’t cause them to improve.

Checking your social media upvotes only causes a dopamine hit and crash, which leaves you less motivated and more addicted to Facebook.

Checking your stats is a “nothing habit”, meaning it adds little value to your life. Skip it.

Lastly, just to add a positive spin to this article, here’s an example of when you are perfectly advised to stare: at your dog when he is pooping.

That’s right.

It signals you are giving him protection while he’s in a vulnerable state, that you have his back and he has yours.

This is why dogs form a half-circle around owners while they use the bathroom. To you, it’s a toilet. To them, it’s a throne. And they shall stand by you in the uprising.

Recap for memory: things you shouldn’t stare at

I like shapes as much as you do. But don’t stare at them if they are on a woman.

Someone else's meal or them eating.

Your stats, be it writing, financial, or Facebook likes. It’s a nothing habit.

Someone else’s open fly, or anything embarrassing they are unaware of. Make yourself useful and say something.