Stepping Into Sin

I can only remember being a perfect child. I made A’s and B’s in school and was very well behaved. My teachers always reminded me of the potential I had and how I exemplified extraordinary intelligence and leadership. I never thought much about it, it was who I was and I was used to standing out effortlessly. There was no trouble at home, my mother cleaned my room, cooked my dinner, washed my clothes and always allowed me to go outside because my grades were good.

It wasn’t until I was 11 years old, my 6th grade year that trouble started to arise. Boys liked me and my peers were starting to have sex. My friends would always try to convince me to date a boy, but I had no interest at all, I preferred to play outside, riding bikes and jumping through creeks. Making up dance routines with my friends was my favorite thing to do. Unfortunately, by the time I was 12yrs. old, my close friend and older sister were having full blown sex and kept insisting I tried it. I didn’t even like anybody at the time but curiosity struck the cat. I was hooked up with a 15 yr old boy who was persistent in trying to penetrate me but neither of us knew what we were doing and we gave up.

It wasn’t until the guy who I looked at as a big brother told me he liked me and wanted to have sex with me, that I began to get nervous. This guy was the neighborhood jock who all the girls liked and had sex with as well, so I was very hesitant and unsure about what I was feeling or what I should do. Deep down I knew it wasn’t in my lines of good morality to sleep with him too, but the neighborhood kids teased I was scared and wouldn’t stop trying to persuade me to do it. Eventually I gave in and we decided to go through with it. It was very painful. I Remember blacking out almost until he looked at me and saw a tear rolling from the corner of my eyes. He got up and closed my legs and told me to keep them closed. I over heard him leaving out talking to our other friend, he said, “Man, it felt like I just had sex with my little sister.” But it was different for me, I definitely didn’t look at him as a big brother anymore, when he stopped and said what he said because of my tears I knew he cared about me and it opened up a world of feelings I never had for a man before.

He still called me everyday, as usual but the vibe was new. One day I went down to his house and we sat in his room when he reached over and proceeded to put his hands down my pants. He asked me if he could go further, surprisingly I said yes! I was ok with him touching me. Shortly after I left his house, but this time I was coming back that night to sneak in his room and continued doing so for a year.

Shortly after I turned 13, my friend told me he was dating a girl he went to high school with and it broke my heart. We remained friends but it took me another 6 months to stop crying. I didn’t crave sex, but I had strong desire for the close bond we had created. My world was changed for ever.