Sounds of Silence

by Dyan Hull 2 months ago in advice

Is this what’s killing your relationship?

Sounds of Silence
“Unless it’s mad passionate extraordinary love it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life; love shouldn’t be one of them” -Dream for an Insomniac

Mad... Passionate... Extraordinary...

That is probably one of my top five favorite quotes of all time. How many of us can honestly say that we are not wasting our time in our relationship, our dating lives, and for some, marriage? Look back and read that quote one more time, this time allowing the words and meaning to really sink in. Do you find that your relationship with your significant other meets all of that criteria? If so, you, my friend are one lucky individual.

In my life, love has always been at the forefront of my thoughts. To be loved, madly, passionately; completely. I am guilty on all charges of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I often care too deeply, and give too much to never to receive reciprocation. Im not the only one of us; many people are just like me; loving, caring, trusting, and loyal. We wear our hearts on our sleeves in both romantic relationships & friendships. We openly speak our opinions, openly say “I Love You,” and ultimately the majority of us end up hurt. Does that deem us as weak and hyper-emotional people? Some would say yes. We are labeled the hopeless romantics, the dreamers, and the idealists. For us, life equals love, and without it we are lost; constantly chasing the next chance. While I wouldn’t consider my 39-year old self a hopeless romantic, I can absolutely admit that I am a “recovering” idealist and dreamer. Age and experience have taught me that fairytales do exist for some people; I am not one of them.

I believe that in life, friendships and relationships, speaking your truth is a cornerstone. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is who I am, who I’ve always been. I will continue to do so proudly. I am of the belief that if you don't say it, it doesn't get said. What happens when things aren’t said? This leads to silence. Are you truly in love with your significant other, but have neglected to tell them? Maybe you’re angry or upset and decide to just stay quiet about it. You’ve become, or are choosing to stay, emotionally silent. Within this silence grows confusion, miscommunication, and often contempt. The silence says the words you didn't say in a way you never intended. Everything that isn't said gets lost in translation. This is the point where relationships fail, love is lost, and mediocrity begins. Suddenly we find ourselves stuck in the everyday cycle of familiarity. We no longer take risks. We don’t really try in our relationships anymore taking them for granted; assuming they will always be there. We settle for the comfort that can also be found in the silence. If we remain silent about how we feel, nothing will change. This allows us to relax, because, while we may not be happy, we are comfortable. We let go of the idea of "happily ever after," because after all, life is not the fairy-tale we'd imagined as children, or even as young adults. We lose touch with what's important while we are busy drowning in the silence. Our hearts beg for the silence to be broken, yet our minds refuse to allow it.

We become afraid of the chatter now, drifting comfortably in our silence. Breaking that sound barrier is no longer an option after retraining our hearts not to feel, and our mouths not to speak. We stand stoic; proud. We become unbreakable; untouchable. No one can hurt us here. We have effectively built a wall around our emotions. Here is what we refuse to accept; admit. We are only hurting ourselves. We are punishing the ones we love because of the actions of another loved one long ago. We refrain from any type of actual feeling, we push away emotions, positive or negative, for fear that a hint of happiness may result in disappointment and heartbreak, and we simply cannot handle the emotional turmoil that would bring. We don't ask for help. We expect others to understand things that we ourselves can't explain. We become the proverbial island, stuck in our own minds; battling the what if's and why's. In a sense, we transform into a shadow of our true selves. We know what we are running from, and explaining that to anyone is out of the question. At what point does the "maturity" of keeping it all in blend in to the immaturity of holding on to a past that is long gone, unchangeable?

Is this not what is wrong with society in general? Miscommunication, lack of emotion, and overall entitled behavior? Does this not lead us to miserable, monotonous lives that we constantly feel chained to? Lives we know can be so much more fulfilling if we refused to sell ourselves short; refused to settle for anything but the mad, passionate, and extraordinary. Where does the cycle end? How can we step out of the silence, and allow the extraordinary to happen?

I'm certainly no stranger to heartbreak, yet time and time again I allow myself to love and trust in those close to me; hoping this time will be different. I find myself clinging to the hope that maybe I can make an impression; I can show someone that love may hurt sometimes, but that is what our hearts are meant to do. (In a romanticized sense, of course, I'm aware of the biological reasons our hearts are beating). I may no longer be a hopeless romantic, but I still hang on to the hope that one day I will be the "one." I will have the love that is easy and fun. I will be the woman that, when my significant other looks at me, he knows I am the only one. He couldn’t imagine life without me, and he is not afraid to tell me. He isn’t afraid to tell others because he just knows. I hang on to the hope that in my current relationship, his emotional silence is broken. Our relationship is so silent; it’s deafening. I'm old enough and have been broken enough to know that this isn't necessarily how life or love works, but I've seen enough true and good love to know that it's possible. It is out there. I have witnessed it, this mad, passionate, and extraordinary love. In the presence of it, there is a chemistry in the air, and a person can be affected simply by a passing glance. These couples emit true and honest love and respect for one another. We have all encountered them at one point in our lives. The lucky ones have found it. If we stay hidden behind the impenetrable walls we have built, we are not likely to ever experience the true passion that accompanies such mad and extraordinary love.

I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, fully conscious of the fact it may be broken; even shattered at times. I will continue to say how I feel, even at the risk of my own pain. I will not give in to the silence. Silence can be golden; in movie theaters, while indulging in a passionate kiss or just before drifting off to sleep. In relationships; any type of relationship, silence speaks volumes. Silence can be deafening and dark. Debilitating and heartbreaking. If you have something to say, say it. When words are left unspoken they usually result in hearts or spirits being broken. Say the words, let your actions support them. No matter how difficult it may be. We live one life, have one chance, why not make it as full as possible. Speak up, because if you don't say it; it doesn't get said. Or possibly the words you intended to say for so long... are eventually said by someone else.

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Dyan Hull

I’ve always written. Words are my escape, my power and my truth. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but one day I hope to be published. It’s a life goal that while I’m pursuing, gives me true joy. I hope you enjoy! ✌🏻

See all posts by Dyan Hull