Soulmates Never Die

It is all about special connection. When you hear each other in silence, you see each other, when one wants to hide.

My best friend and I met on a train to a summer camp. I had a blinding hot fuchsia pink hair, and while everyone around (and present day me) thought ‘what the hell’, Maria said ‘Cool’. Since that moment it’s been eleven years we’ve known each other.

We clicked immediately. I don’t even remember how, but I would imagine some combination of vivid yellow tops with rhinestones and blue leggings (Lord bless our fashion sense), sun, sea, jokes and similar energy had something to do with it. We went to the same summer camp two years in a row, then had to abandon those blissful times in favor of an inevitable journey of growing up.

One thing the world can agree upon is teenage years are the dark ages. I would imagine, awkward angst mixed with excitement, naiveté and confusion is a familiar cocktail to everyone. Our journey was slightly overshadowed with some family difficulties, and challenges that would entail. Bittersweet part is this became sort of a bonding point for both of us, as we learned that no sky can be dark enough as long as we have each other. I will always remember many summers in the countryside, movies and state of art playlists. Hours of entertainment with so called ‘photoshoots’ using mom’s table cloth as a background, sleepovers, questionable hair choices and conversations that were forming our personalities. Happiness was simple. Also no matter what, inside jokes and zit struggle were companions that just would not quit. In fact, the most well known perk of any friendship is Jokes Production 101 Inc. never gets old.

When we both went to college, immediately we realized that we sort of hated our schools and spent the entire first semester skipping classes shamelessly. Boy, parents are easy to fool. It’s then we found hanging at Starbucks and eating meatballs at IKEA would be the coolest thing you can possibly do with your time. Well, apart from day drinking at your favorite embarrassing pub in the middle of afternoon as an appetizer to McDonald's wedge fries. If that’s not elite I don’t know what is.

September was warm and sunny, golden leaves accompanied us on many walks across the city, full of dreams and laughs, as well as an age appropriate goofiness (I guess), like dancing on the subway.

During those years my favorite time was when we stayed at each other's house for weeks or months during the summer. Nights were spent full of failed attempts to learn how to cook and strange activities like attempts to master planking. Eventually, everything led to common obsession with potatoes.

We shared a mutual passion for the band Placebo. Together we went to their concerts, and with the energy of music and crowds, we lived the moments of 100% pure joy. One of their songs ‘Soulmates never die’ became the hymn of our existence.

Right about then photography grew from hobby to profession for me, and my never ending love for pop culture appeared to be more than just a vast interest, but a life call. I wanted to work in film. The urge was growing exponentially every day and I knew I would have to move across the world to fulfill my dreams. Not a surprise, my family didn't support me. In fact I had to go through the entire year of exhausting arguments on the subject. If not for my friend, many times I felt like giving up. I remember it, as if it was yesterday. May, 2015. We met for tea at the small cafe at the park. It was raining, so fresh, so green. I was very frustrated from yet another fight about my moving. But something amazing happened then. I don’t remember what exactly she said, but somehow by the end of our meeting I felt inspired and full power to go forward. From that moment ahead everything fell into a place. There were a lot of tears, doubts and fears. My friend persistently supported me in this challenging endeavor. No matter how many times I was on the verge, she always found a way to make me believe in myself. I can’t thank her enough for that.

One year, a week before Christmas something was falling apart with her. She stayed at my house and bit by bit we were working on figuring out the situation. While doing that we also put up a Christmas tree. And then another, smaller tree. And then tons of Christmas lights. The snow was heavy that year and every morning we would wake up to the winter fairytale on the other side of the window, while home was filled with warmth and coziness. We watched movies and ate lots of cheese at 7 am (I don’t know why). I can’t remember another December that felt so festive.

And then I left. The night I had to take off was incredibly hectic. You know, there is a special type of delusion, when you think seven hours before the flight would be enough time to pack for the most altering event of your life. Abandon the home where I grew up to go all the way across the world. I don’t think I would have made it if my friend wasn’t there helping me to sort through the disastrous amount of mess and lack of suitcases. We took tons of pictures of course. At the airport we both stayed positive and with tons of hugs, photos and words of encouragement we said goodbye to each other on a light note. It took me a long while to process that moment and realize it was one of the saddest in my life.

It has been four years now. We both knew that no matter where we were, we would never grow apart, but stay together. It always was and is a solid and comforting feeling. We also knew that separation would be very heavy, it would take a lot of strength to adapt and some yearning would probably never go away. But we didn’t know what exactly that process would entail. It was all theoretical until we had to start living it. Moments apart, events missed from each other's life, small things you would like to share immediately, but can’t simply due to the time difference. Something bigger than nostalgia keeps following me. Sometimes I just feel blue and can't do anything about it.

I think she knew that. Never, even for a second she let me doubt myself and what I am doing. She knew I had to go somewhere else to follow my dreams and be happy, even though it would make us both very sad. Sometimes things get extra difficult. Have I known that 4 years ago, I might have thought twice about moving to another country. My friend knew that. Nevertheless, she never said a word of concern, but unconditionally encouraged and supported my pursuit. I believe that’s what makes a truly great friend. The person, who supports you no matter what and selflessly acts in your best interest, is irreplaceable. I would have done the same for her without a hesitation.

To this day we stay closely in touch, of course. Many thanks to the technology. We share things about our lives, small and big, we make those special jokes, we watch YouTube videos and the day just gets better. Once we talked for 9 hours straight. When we started it was dark here and sunny on her side, when we finished I had a broad daylight and she was having dinner. And it wasn’t enough! She is the one person who I trust completely and can talk forever to. (Obviously) It’s nice to know, no matter how different our lives are, we are growing together. And it feels great.

Happiness is simple. We’ve kept our promise. We are and always will be in each other’s life, regardless the amount of miles between us. That one, I am sure of.

I will always miss her. And she will always be nearby.