Soul Mates

Ah yes, the ever mysterious “Soul Mate”. Media has portrayed the Soul Mate as the perfect fit. The peanut butter to your jelly. The wind beneath your wings. It’s gotten people crazed to find someone that they can have a fairytale love with. And look, I totally get it. Who wouldn’t want to find the love of their life and ride off into the sunset? But there’s one thing people forget: Life isn’t a fairytale. We get so wrapped up in trying to find the perfect partner in crime, that often times, the definition of a “Soul Mate” gets misconstrued and warped into trivial meanings. We think our Soul Mate is going to ride in on a white steed and hand us a bouquet of roses. We think that every conversation is going to be perfect and we won’t get into arguments. And look, if you do happen to be in a relationship like that, awesome. I’m not saying that your love isn’t valid. All I’m saying is that the term Soul Mate is often used incorrectly when describing types of connections.

I think a lot of this is up to interpretation. Everyone’s experience is going to be different, so everyone’s perceptions are going to be different. But although there are different variations of what a Soul Mate is and could be, I think there are a few foundational ideas that most people can agree on. And that’s the whole point of this post. There are so many different ideas of what a Soul Mate really is, and I want to dive into all the little offshoots of the main concepts. So without further ado, here are my thoughts:

Everyone has a Soul Mate.

I have this theory: I think that everyone has a Soul Mate somewhere in the world, BUT they are one of two types.

The first type is someone who is mostly similar to you, but offers key differences in a few areas that you need to grow in. So for example, let’s say you have learned to be emotionally strong, but have also put walls up to protect you. Your Soul Mate on the other hand, has become extremely caring and giving, but often times lets people walk all over them. So they would bring the lesson of opening up, while you bring the lesson of emotional resilience.

The second type of Soul Mate is someone who is so starkly different from you, that you would think it would never work, but you manage to balance each other out. Think: The introvert and the extrovert. Light, dark. Yin, Yang. You get the picture. Granted, there is such a thing as too different. Things like morals and values should be fairly similar (more on that later), but personality types can differ without causing too many issues.

They’ll feel familiar.

When you meet for the first time, it feels like déjà vu. You don’t just get along well. You feel like you truly understand their history and experiences. You don’t just click, you form a sort of bond. And the same goes if you’ve known them for a long time. It’s a bit harder to describe, seeing as the longer you know anyone the more they will feel familiar. But regardless of the time known, being around your Soul Mate should feel safe. Like you’ve come home after a long trip. You know what I mean right? That moment you walk through your door, sink into bed, and have that, “Ahhhh” feeling? That’s what I’m talking about. Being with your Soul Mate feels like coming home.

You’ll have similar values.

So again, this will be different than just, “We both like to knit on Sunday mornings”, AND it will differ depending on what type of Soul Mate they are. Think about what you truly, deeply value. Is it complete honesty? Is it family ties? Loyalty despite relationship? Or maybe it’s something like, time? Money? Dedication? Soul Mates will value similar things. (Same soul, same values. Duh!) Or: on the flip side, they will have a value that you need to embrace in your life. So if you’re always focused on work, work, work, so you can make money, your Soul Mate may show you the value in self-love and taking it easy.

Your mindsets will match.

Have you ever talked to someone and said to yourself, “Wow, this person and I are totally on the same page right now,”? Well conversations with your Soul Mate tend to follow that trend a lot. I’m not referring to trying to decide want to have for dinner. (Although that can be great as well.) I’m talking about what you guys think about the big topics: relationships, life goals, self-expectations, expectations of others, etc. Conversations that once made you fill to the brim with anxiety all of a sudden feel easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. That doesn’t mean you don’t argue. All this means is that your minds function in similar ways. You already have an idea of what your Soul Mate is thinking, feeling, and where their head is at. You’re on the same wavelength.

It’s not always a romantic relationship.

The idea of Soul Mate is usually thought to be a romantic one. I’m willing to bet that, more often than not, that’s the majority. However, a Soul Mate can be a completely platonic relationship as well. Or even of the same gender, sex, or family! The key to the whole subject of Soul Mates is not whether or not you’ll end up marrying them, it’s about how deep and familiar the connection is.

You could also argue that most people only think of Soul Mates as a romantic interest and therefore disregard other deep connections if the relationship is only platonic. To be quite honest, I think this is the fault of the media. But this idea is up for debate.

Time has nothing to do with it.

The length of time someone is in your life is NOT a factor on if they’re really your Soul Mate or not. Whether it’s a few months after meeting or “until death do us part”, your Soul Mate has their own life path to follow. You could also meet your Soul Mate at the incorrect time, and then reconnect later on. Maybe when you first meet, life circumstances dictate that your paths will diverge from each other for a while. Then out of the blue, you find each other again.

Choices and behaviors can affect finding Soul Mates.

Like I said earlier, everyone has a Soul Mate. The Universe has it set out that way. Now, let’s put the Universe aside for a second here, because it can’t be the one to blame for all your decisions. If you meet your Soul Mate, but then end up being abusive, or manipulative, or otherwise be a complete dick and trash the relationship…guess what? It’s not gonna work. It’s not going to feel like this awesome amazing bond because you’re too busy wiping your ass with their emotions. And same goes vice versa: if your supposed Soul Mate is abusive or an ass, you’re better off leaving before things get too toxic.

**That example is super specific, but it paints a really good picture where Soul Mates might be better off with other people. You could also argue that your TRUE Soul Mate isn’t going to be a dick to you, but then that goes against the argument that “everyone has a Soul Mate”. UNLESS, abusive assholes are Soul Mates to other abusive assholes and their homes spontaneously combust from all the toxic energy… Hmmmm….

Soul Mates are not guaranteed.

I do want to make a point in saying that nothing is guaranteed, especially when it comes to people. Like I mentioned above, choices and behaviors can change fate, and they can certainly change relationships. And just because you found your Soul Mate doesn’t mean that the relationship is going to be a piece of cake. You’ll still probably argue and annoy the hell out of each other sometimes, but if it’s really meant to be, and you’re trying, it’ll work itself out. You can’t control who will stay or who will go. All you can do is enjoy people will you’re with them, and miss them when you’re apart.

The takeaway…

The final point I want to make is this: the present concept of the Soul Mate is very perfectionistic. We shouldn’t base our relationships off of whether or not things feel like a movie. They should be based off of how the other person treats us. We should feel safe and heard. We should wake up in the morning and feel good about our interactions with them. Your true Soul Mate is not going to be perfect. They’re human. They’re going to make mistakes. But your Soul Mate is someone you can weather storms with.

I am in no way an expert and a lot of these ideas are debatable. But that’s what I think is so cool about it! Different experiences always lead to different perspectives. Maybe you find that one of my points is valid, but one of the offshoots of that idea is completely illogical. What do you think about Soul Mates?