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"Sometimes"

Intrusive thoughts

By Alice ♡Published 5 years ago 4 min read
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There's a saying that "no man is an island." Roughly speaking, it just means that people aren't supposed to be alone. And, that's true. Nobody truly wants to be alone in this life. Nobody deserves to be alone.

We all have people in our lives we know we can go to when something is wrong. And we all aspire to be that person for those we care about. To offer a safe haven to them when the storm, outside or in, is too much. To comfort them, and let them know they'll get through it, even if it doesn't seem that way. To offer them strength when they need it most, and a hand to pull them off the ground when they can't do it themselves. Everyone needs someone like that in their life. Someone that they know they can run to, regardless of when or for what reason. Someone reliable, comforting, and genuine. Someone invested in their happiness, simply because they love them.

And, honestly, it is a wonderful thing being that "someone." Knowing you're having a good impact on someone. Having them run to you, and trust you with their feelings or their heart. Being able to comfort them, and let them know everything is going to be okay. Being able to support them when they need it, and then seeing them rise even higher after. Because you care about them. You truly do, and there's no way you could ever stand to see them hurting alone.

Sometimes though...

Not all the time, but sometimes...

Sometimes you can't help but think about things and just wish.

Just wish you could be the weak one. Wish you didn’t HAVE to be strong for other people. Wish you could cry and scream, and let someone else take on your problems like you take everyone else’s.

But even in those sometimes, you don't do that. You scream on the inside, but never out. You DO want them to hear you, but you feel you can’t afford for them to. You can't afford to be weak, because if you're weak, then people don’t trust you. If you're weak, people don’t talk. You can’t be weak, because if you're weak, there’s no one to be strong. You wouldn't give someone your weight to carry if you thought they were already carrying their own. No, you can't be weak. You can't be fragile. You can't be hurt. Not in front of them. Cause who else would they turn to if not you?

So you don't scream. You don't cry. You don't share. But it doesn't stop the wishing on the inside.

It doesn't stop you wishing you didn’t have to always be the shoulder to cry on. It doesn't stop you from wishing that you could just be the one crying.

It doesn't keep you from wishing you didn’t have so many people relying on you. You wish there wasn’t so much faith in you. It's not that you don't want to help, but you can't help but feel that pressure. They believe in you so much, and need you so much. They put their trust and hopes in you. How could you not hold up your end? How could you not?

Sometimes, you wonder, "Why am I always the one who gets stepped on?" Sometimes you ask, "Why is it that when someone has a problem, their problem somehow supersedes my own?"

Sometimes it hits you that when other people talk, you listen. You give advice, and you try to fix things. But when it’s your turn to speak, you get no response. You get empty sentiments. You know they feel bad for you. They tell you how sorry they are. But they don't want to help. They don't try. Somehow your problems are just too much for them, even though their problems have never been too much for you.

Sometimes these thoughts do occur. Sometimes you can't help it. You can't help but feel alone. Like you're fighting everyone's battles while losing your own. And you wonder if you're a bad person. You wonder if you're wrong for feeling that way. You wonder if it's just in your head.

Want to stop wondering?

Ask yourself how often "sometimes" occurs.

friendship
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About the Creator

Alice ♡

"I am by nature, a dealer in words, and words are the most powerful drug known to humanity." - Rudyard Kipling

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