I’m writing this article because I often read articles from magazines like Cosmo. These articles are usually about how girls can flirt with guys, and knowing these things is like having the other team’s playbook. Sometimes, Cosmo—or Glamour is another good one, although they seem to have cut back on the racy stuff recently—provide articles on how guys flirt and what they mean, but I saw an article on, like WaPo, or something; it might have been Buzzfeed, or Daily Feed, or something more obscure, but the title caught my eye "7 Ways Guys Flirt and what it Means," so I figured I’d take a look at it.
The article was complete garbage. Not only did it not provide any methods for flirting, but the interpretation of their described antics were far from accurate and purely subjective. I feel bad for any girl who reads the article, because now she’s going to assume that any guy who so much as looks at her wants to rape her, and that’s not cool. A lot of us guys are just socially awkward, so we either go full Aggro, a bad move, or we get super tentative, and come off creepy, inexperienced, or even indifferent.
One more thing, before I dive into the meat; I’m straight, single, and Italian. What I write comes from my experience as a straight, single, Italian guy, so if you’re not a straight, single, Italian guy, you might not behave the way I do, or you may not be able to pull it off with suave. If you’re a lady who’s never dealt with a straight, single, Italian guy, you might think my moves are contrived, cheesy, or just plain creepy.
Oh, well, my moves usually work for me, and I can guarantee that when guys do these moves, they mean what I say they mean…
He straight up says: "We should hook up."
This guy’s a douche, but an honest douche. If you want to hook up, this guy probably knows how to please a woman. He means: let’s have sex some time.
If you want to have sex with a stranger, or even an acquaintance who’s never asked to hook up before then go for it, but make sure he uses protection, and make sure to let people you know that you are hooking up with this guy just in case he turns out to be violent.
He says something like: "If you were my girl, I’d never let you out of my sight."
Red flags might go up for you. You might think he’s super possessive, jealous, and insecure, but most likely, he’s just trying to feel out if you have a boyfriend.
Whether you do or don’t, if you’re not interested, just tell him you have a boyfriend, and that he’s good to you. If you might be interested in at least getting to know him better, know that he means: I’m interested in you, and even if you have someone, I can give you more attention.
He might not give you more attention than your boyfriend, or previous lovers, but he thinks he’s mister perfect.
He compliments you by saying any of the following: Your hair looks nice today, I like that cute little top you’re wearing, I love how you take the time to make sure your belt matches your shoes, I love how your purse matches your top.
He means: I’m really taking notice of you and how you present yourself everyday. It means he’s totally into you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s into to forming a meaningful relationship; he may well just be a horndog, but at least he’s not a douche about it.
If you’re interested in him, like he’s a bartender you see once a week and think he’s totes cutes, just compliment him back and ask him how his shift has been going that day. If he wants to talk, or if he has the time or makes the time to talk, you can bet he’s a good guy, but even good guys have their flaws. Just keep in mind this article is about flirtatious dudes and not meaningful relationships.
He touches you. This one is a little more complicated. No stranger should be touching you in any way, although I’ve defaulted on this rule before...
There are a lot of ifs here, so let’s dissect this one.
If you know him to some degree, and he touches your butt, chest, thighs, or anything sensual, stay away from him. If, however, he touches your hand, shoulder, or lower back, he’s flirting.
For instance, I have spotted a girl I thought was attractive, walked over the dance floor to the bar, and placed my fingers gently on her mid back to get her attention, and said: "Excuse me." Then, I ignored her for a second to order a drink. She obviously took notice of me, but since I barely touched her and pulled my hand away immediately, she figured I was just being polite, so as not to elbow her out of my way. After I ordered my drink, I turned back to her, introduced myself, and asked her if I could buy her one, too. She declined. No big deal.
A more endearing way a guy flirts with a touch is to take a girl’s hand, gingerly, and say something like: I like those rings, or bracelet, or finger nails, whatever. I’ve even had girls do this to me to tell me they like my hand tat. If you’re completely grossed out by this kind of behavior—you cringe and pull away immediately—just know that he’s only flirting. He means: You’re super hot, and I want to touch more than your hand… if you’ll let me.
If you’re cool with it, just play along and make sure his hands stay above the waist.
I once handled a girl’s necklace, but let me explain. We were already friends and dining together. We were sitting on the same side of a booth at a sushi place, and her necklace had a little cat charm, so I turned towards her, held the charm, and commented on how cute it was. Then, we made eye contact; she knew what I was after, and I didn’t have to “grab her by the pussy,” if you catch my drift.
This is not something I would ever do with a stranger, so if the guy who’s flirting is a stranger, he means: Let’s bone. If he’s a friend, he means: Let’s bone now that we’ve gotten to know each other, and we’re comfortable, but it’s your call.
Most flirting is harmless. Guys may tell you: you’re looking good in those yoga pants. Let’s be honest, if you’re running around in yoga pants, you want a guy to check out your bum. You may not want every guy to check out your bum, but you’re wearing yoga pants, and guys will check out your bum, so don’t wear them if you don’t want to get checked out. Guys may tell you their girlfriend has a similar shirt, but that it looks way better on you, or they might do something more subtle, like corner you while carrying on a seemingly mundane conversation; I’ve done this, too.
I used to work for a house wares store a while back, and one of my coworkers was super cute. We had already flirted a little here and there, but one day she was hanging some clothes or something, and while we were talking about nothing, I followed her to some shelving with shoes, placed my hand on the shelf to lean nonchalantly, and practically cut off her escape route; she would have had to push past me to get away. I then jumped at the chance to compliment her fingernails, which is always my go to move; girls spend a lot of money on their nails, and they deserve to be noticed.
The entire thing was innocent. I maintained a neutral tone and body language, but since she was comfortable being confined, I knew she trusted me, so I then suggested we hang out after work, and she was cool with it. We never hooked up.
If a guy you know corners you in conversation, he means: I want to hook up if you’re cool with it, but if not, just know that I like being close to you. If a stranger does this, he means: I want to dominate you whether you like it or not.
A lot of these flirtatious scenarios can come across as scary to a girl, and I get that; most times a guy flirts, the assumption is that he wants to have sex, but just think about it for a second. Any time a guy asks you out, he’s basically letting you know he wants to have sex. Why would anyone date without the prospect of sex? We go out and meet people because we want relationships, but any non-platonic relationship is going to involve sex, so if you’re one of those girls who doesn’t want sex, and that’s cool, I know many girls don’t fuck then just ignore the flirting.
And why would you want sex? Books, movies, TV, everything is bombarding you into believing that no man can last more than two minutes. No man cares about pleasing you. You’re better off pleasing yourself, and that all men think that what they see on Pornhub is what sex is supposed to be. If, on the other hand, you’re curious about men, and what they think, and why they act the way they do, try giving someone a shot.
Always keep in mind that if the flirting feels threatening, you should let someone know. The guy might just be bad at it, though. Just try to keep in mind that not all flirting is an invitation to sex; some guys just like making girls feel good about themselves. I’ve flirted with women just for the sake of making them feel seen and liked. Naturally, this makes everything appear even more baffling and convoluted; if flirting means he wants to have sex, how can it also mean the opposite?
Yeah, sorry, guys are pretty crazy. Think of us as five year olds with ADHD.
It’s always going to depend on the guy doing the flirting, when he's doing it, and how he’s doing it. I’m not here to provide you a psychology course on men’s sexual behaviors, but at least I’ve given you an idea of how bros flirt, and what they mean when they flirt the way they do, so you can know if he’s looking to hook up, or he’s looking to hook up in the future, and stay hooking up for the rest of your lives.
The truth, though, is that many girls go out because they just want to go out, and they don’t want to be ogled by every man in sight. It’s tough for girls, I get it, but it’s equally tough for guys. Sometimes, we go out for the same reason, but OMG, we see this goddess, and we’d kick ourselves for years if we didn’t at least try to start a conversation, but how does one start a conversation with a stranger? How does one start a conversation with someone they find attractive?
On behalf of all the guys that creeped you out; I’m sorry, but sometimes us guys just want to start something, and sex is as natural and mandatory as eating and breathing. If we didn’t bone, that’d be the end of human existence.
Hopefully, I’ve provided guys a few ways to flirt without being shit-heads, and hopefully, I’ve informed some ladies as to what guys mean when they flirt the way they flirt.
Maybe, some of you thought I was going to get into the way he points his straw at you, or what it means when he pushes the hair from his face, but no; most of that is preschool BS. Different people from different cultures have different mannerisms, but the phrase: You lookin' fine, baby, is always going to mean: I find you attractive.
Thanks for reading, and give me a little donation, so I can buy the next girl a vodka cranberry. :3