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Solo & Ready to Fall Hard

Is time wasted

By Saba BhattiPublished 4 years ago 6 min read
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Time is precious, it's valuable.

I wasted about a years worth of my time when I was dreaming about the wrong thing! Wait, I can’t say dream, I was living it, day dreaming about it and kinda, sorta obsessing over it! Helpp! This was not mee! I’m such a conservative, practical and smart girl (I would like to like to think that anyway).

I guess it was cause I had been solo for so long that I kinda just saw what I wanted to see, regardless of how wrong this person was for m , I was still attracted to him. He was a French, tall and a very average looking guy (to be honest). I think It was his height that might have just done it for me, I’m a brown girl and everybody knows brown guys are just the shortest species on this earth (no offense to ya fellas, but it's kinda the truth )! I was warned to stay away, I was told this guy was bad news, this guy had nothing to offer, a confirmed bachelor and a party guy who just wanted to have a good time, if you get my drift. Regardless of what people said, I told myself I wouldn’t judge him based on others opinions, I would get to know him and see for myself who he was and what he was about.

We worked in the same establishment. I would spend my break time in the area where I knew he would be and knew he would spark a convo. I would be shy, but still converse with him and engage in small talk. He began to ask deets about me, 'what's your story?' he inquired, 'are you married? seeing anyone? engaged?' I got all hot and bothered by the fact that he was taking an interest in my status, he must be into me I thought. Shortly after, about a week to be exact he was talking about a trip he was about to take, he was ecstatic about it. When he came back, we spoke briefly about it, he didn’t really give much detail pertaining to it, instead the conversation went another way. I was not expecting this turn so suddenly. We began to talk about lifestyles and how he's able to live the way that he does. He then said, 'If we were ever to go out, you wouldn’t be able to keep up.' I did not even know how to respond to that; he got up a few moments later and started to slowly pace back and forth and was fidgeting with his hands. He then said ‘you should come and hang out with me some day, like a Thursday or Friday night.‘ In my head I was like WTF is happening right now! Is he asking me out (in the most unchivalrous way) and being super casual about it? I was glad….wait, who am I kidding, I was freakin jumping for joy at the fact that I was getting some attention from the guy. I wanted to say yes! yes! yes! I HAD TO control my butt though, I sooo had the urge to hang out and spend time with him and get to know him on a deeper more intimate level, but I couldn’t say yes. When I came up with an excuse, he immediately changed his attitude towards me. He became distant, cold and dismissive. Typical immature boy behavior, right? A few weeks passed, he was coming around and acknowledging my existence again (thank god)! It was about 9:00 pm on a Thursday night when we bumped into one another on the street where I was waiting for the bus. He came up to me with the biggest, cheesiest smile on his face and with his hands in his pockets like a little boy & asked, ‘Wanna hang out?’ He mentioned whereabouts he was headed to, a bar, with his boys. I really couldn’t that night, it was late and I had to prep for the day after. I politely declined, but as he was walking away, I loudly said, ‘If you would ask me out for coffee, I would gladly join you!' His reply…..with a confused look on his face, 'They have coffee there you know.' I sighed and turned around! How annoying right?

This process of asking and declining was repeated over the next several months, I just wanted him to ask me out like a gentleman, I wanted him to show me respect. As time went on, I saw why so many had warned me about him. He was offensive, rude and the complete opposite of a nice guy. I did see moments of softness from him. I wanted to see more of that sweet side. I was sure he had more to offer then what he let on. I waited months and months for him to pull a bigger move, a move that I just could not refuse. Nothing. He did not budge. He would ask the same way and did not show any concern for my lifestyle, comfort or values. It became clear that he had an agenda. He didn’t seem to like me for me, he liked me for another reason. As disgusting as that was, I still liked him! Crazy right? I saw the negative in him and was still hopeful that deep down he was a nice guy and could possibly be molded into a sweet man. I was willing to overlook all the negatives and to give him a shot had he just shown some genuine affection and the willingness to compromise.

I reflected since then of how much time I had wasted on someone that did not deserve my time, attention or interest. I was so fixated on him that I blocked myself from other opportunities of meeting other potential people that possibly had much more to offer. I saw good in him, and it's important to see the good in humanity as no one is born to be a bad person. It is important to be kind, but it's important to know your worth and be just to yourself. Had I given in to someone like him on the basis of having an urge, God only knows the damage that I could have caused that woulda most likely been difficult to recover from. More so we worked in the same establishment, the aftermath could been messy and unsettling on another level. I created excuses for him for so long and have now realized what a mistake that was. But to be honest I think as women we see good in people and we're always so hopeful for change in others, we put ourselves on the sidelines and give them the attention they do not deserve. There is that one guy that will treat you like a queen and will make you his priority and will treat you with the respect that you deserve, know that!

#dontblockyourself#saynotothewrongguy

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