Soft as Silk, Sweet as Honey
// A Short Story on a Love That Comes and Goes //
// The Bee, the Honey, the Sting, the Cure.
I hope that you find enough potential in this to help you overcome the obstacle in which you are finding peace for. You are strong. You are perfect. You are you.
“There he is. That’s my future partner.” You baffle yourself with little remarks like this to help you feel better about finding somebody, but in reality, you’re melting on the inside. This person walks into your life. You know nothing of them. You never even knew they existed. You never actually thought that the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with would actually come along. You don’t think it’s real; you think it’s all a dream, but it’s not. He’s actually standing right next to you at the coffee shop asking what type of drink you want. You snap out of it.
“White chocolate mocha.” You don’t even know what you just ordered because you’re so caught up in the midst of acknowledging that you have actually found your soulmate. It happens again. Its 11 PM and you’re at the corner store paying for ice cream. You find yourself in awe. She’s so beautiful. She’s so unaware of how perfect her flaws are. He thinks you’re crazy for wanting ice cream at 11 at night, but he’s so in love with the idea of making you happy. You two are inseparable. He’s your definition of happiness and you’re perfectly fine with that, because he is your happiness. He is the reason you smile at random times, and she is the reason why you’re up late at night.
I craved your innocence for love; a love so deep, deeper than a black hole. I stared at you and loved you so intensely. I unclothed you with my eyes and I looked at how astonishing your personality stood out to me. How one human being could be so undeniably perfect? I love you, I pronounced at least a hundred times day.
"I love you more, baby girl." My heart stopped. My jaw dropped every time I heard that. The man I drooled over in high school is telling me he loves me. Me. He takes you out to fancy dinners. Places you two had never been, but you didn’t care. You were an extraordinary pair. You weren’t ordinary. Typical places weren’t your scene because you wanted to stand out from the others and just focus on each other 100 percent. He hands you something—a box. It’s a promise ring. You two are now promised to each other. You witness him promising his love to you. He promises to love you eternally, to adore you eternally, and to hold you for all of eternity. The world is spinning so slow around you because he makes the world stop. He makes you want more of his attention. As if he hadn’t already shaken my world enough. As if his love wasn’t already enough for me. His touch is so soft. His hands are what you want to be holding for the rest of your life until they become too brittle to hold. His soul is as soft as silk. Everything is so beautiful to you now. Everything is perfect. Everything is beautiful. When he talks to you, you hear, but you don’t actually listen because you’re more caught into the fact that this perfect man is all yours.
She is so beautiful. She is so perfect in every single way. You refrain from saying "perfect" because she’ll argue and say that she is not. Every time you’re driving, the world kind of slows down. You think that she’s so unaware of herself, but in reality, she’s caught up in the same spell you have her under. You two would have random trips to places you had never been before. You had been to every small corner of the city because that was what she liked. Why? Why was she like that? Why did she have to be so unique? You concluded that the word "unique" would be an understatement for her. Every time you sparked a conversation, her response: faultless. You would stare at her awe-inspired.
I remember the last time you touched me. The last time you held my hand. My world started and ended. You completed me yet shattered me entirely. I knew I wasn’t ever going to see you again, but I made the most I could of it. It had been a month since we left each other. Nothing had been the same ever since, but it was getting better and better every day. Yet, whenever someone mentioned your name, my heart stopped a little bit. And at that moment I knew. I had to move on.
Everything had your name written on it
Everything I saw, had a memory
Every memory, had a story
Every story, had a lesson
You were always my lesson learned. I craved your presence. I craved your body to be engraved into my body. I craved your lips to be sealed onto my lips. I craved your soul to hug my soul, but most importantly, I craved your empathetic love. Your unending love. The love you once told me would never fade.
Why did you lie and tell me it wouldn’t fade when the first thing that happened was let it slip away? You were a part of me. You were the other half to my heart. The only one who I was truly and utterly comfortable with. Without you, my body is an empty temple. Full of embedded lies and nothing but cold love for you.
You weren’t all that fond of my character, but in reality, it was just you. You were staring at a mad image of you; of the person you had created. You said you’d never leave me, turns out one of us was lying.
Whether it’s what you say or what you do, nothing will ever make up for your questionable mind.
You wonder how it’s possible to love someone so much. Or how it’s possible for you to have so many things in common with a complete stranger. Before them, you were nothing. At least that’s what they make it feel like. You wonder, How was I ever alive before I found him?
The answer? Simple. You were fine. Absolutely nothing was wrong with you, except he made you hate yourself a little less and love yourself a little more. What about now, right? Why don’t I feel the same now? Why do I still feel like I'm lonely? That’s because you are, and you have to be accepting of that. Accept things will be okay, because they will be. Accept that nobody else can make you love yourself but you. You control your own mind, body, and spirit. You are the master of your own destiny. You think you can’t bear the pain anymore, but you can. Just when you think you’ve gotten stronger, he calls. He calls and says that he saw you and it made him miss you. He misses you. What do you do? Do you fall into him again or do you just ignore whatever he has to say? Ignore it. It’s a dream. But it's not a dream, you tell yourself, over and over again. You have to accept the cruel reality that he actually misses you because he saw your beauty and he missed not caring about any imperfections you had. He missed not having to explain himself to any other woman but you. He missed your touch. Your love. Your soul. But you don’t care anymore. Why? Because you love yourself now. You accept yourself. You don’t judge yourself. You are at peace with yourself.
If you don’t take the time to find yourself, you’ll live your whole life wondering who you are. I didn’t know whether it was the love that I missed or your stupid sense of humor, but I know that without it, I have survived mountains. \\