Slipping away

Energy is contagious.

My energy draws people in.

Allowing trust and a safe place but also radiating this quirkiness and way of making them laugh.

I too radiate calm for others.

From those who I work with to my friends everyone says it's better when I am present, better knowing I am there, life is better with me in it.

Honestly there is no one else like me...

Honestly not even close.

To my most recent... Ask yourself without a doubt am I worth losing completely out of your life? Nothing about us felt forced. I know the sexual tension will be prominent. Can't say I'm not tempted.. however it is what it is..

The good morning and good night's will fade in time.

But the conversations don't have to end...

We can still hang out once in a while, things will never be as they once were... But that doesn't change everything I am.. Everything I have shown and gave to you. I remain the same person you met months ago, and those moments in between meant something, something authentic you shared with me. No one will ever get the same version. No two stories alike. You got the best of me....

I may have been a faze for some, a lesson for others... A temptation, honestly a regret.. and not in a bad way ... Most regretting how they treated me and regretting those moments where my presence was everything.

I am that woman who will be etched in your brain.

The one who showed you a different world.

One who is not cut from the same cloth as your exes and one whom you will probably never come across again. An ex that you have nothing bad to say about. One that treated you with kindness and respect. Our brief encounter didn't end on bad terms. I'm sure we are mature enough to realize that we can still be us... Just separately... Although we were in what most would say the honeymoon phase, I don't think that if we were still a couple things would have changed between us.. No shoe would have dropped. As long as he comes to terms with his choices and his actions that hurt me. I can't dwell on the way things ended.. I can only push forward.. with zero expectations and regrets. I forgive him.... It was unintentional. I honestly don't believe he meant to get so close so fast... But we did. Period.

How am I so confident?

I have been told by so many.

I have had exs in the past try to come back.

So obviously I was never the problem.

Nevertheless not anybody I want to remain in my life as I moved forward...

However, I honestly don't want to completely let go... I will be cautious moving forward on who gets what from me.. The only way is to be friends... I enjoy our chats. Our dynamic, our energy. Everything you represent.

Mainly because you have stayed true. And haven't shown me a darker side.

I mean you survived without even knowing me, I didn't exist in the past.

I won't chase, or force to be a part of your life, you need to want me to be there and make the time.

We had a natural start...

I am not needy or desperate.

That energy doesn't suit me and does not project well.

I still believe we have a solid foundation to build something unique and special.

I will never stop caring.

The heartbreak was temporary.

I got used to sharing my life with someone for the first time in forever which felt amazing. As I was solo for so long, never having anyone take care of me... It felt nice! Things were relaxed and so chill.

I got a taste of what my life should look like, I was hooked on a feeling. One that was brand new and intense, a feeling that I never wanted to loose.

A person that complimented my life. So why complicate it?

I just can't help but wonder if you think of me as I do you.. knowing with 100% certainly that breaking up was in your best interests without a doubt....and if it is that giving a friendship a chance is something you seriously consider.

Yes completely backwards but who said we were normal? . We are both unique in our own ways.

Time is still fresh, and you have been keeping busy, but late at night do I cross your mind? Do you smile at least? Could you live without me, knowing what you know now? Live without that new found calmness. Live without my voice, giggle, smile? Live with just a memory? Ask yourself truthfully, would you be okay seeing me with another guy? Is that what you truly want for me?

Okay with not talking to or texting me for long periods of time?

Okay with carrying on, starting over again and again. She will never be like me. Never treat you open heartedly as I did. You may get that one prominent thing you desire and this time one reason to stay and a million reasons to go...

I was the flipside of that..

I won't dwell on what ifs nor do I hold on to any false hope. Nor am I sad. I was overwhelmed and didn't know how to process, so tears flowed easily.

I will have to come to terms that you have moved on quicker than me... mainly because relationships have never been my forte. And we weren't together that long... But time doesn't matter, character does.

I will say this... I don't believe our story is over....I'm not certain what that reads like just yet... obviously not the same story line or plot but something of substance.

Who knows but I believe in end game...

Two people who were obviously meant for each other but the timing was off ... That or were meant to find each other and become that strong character in each other's stories... benefiting each other's lives, just by being present. Cheering each other on...

Two people who should be in each other's lives because you don't get that natural feeling a second time around.

A bond like no other...

People who want to be in your life make a serious effort to put themselves in it.

I don't need you in my life, I want you to be a part of it... I like your energy... It matches mine.

We weren't bf and gf long... We did get close, you can't deny that.

But it was 100% authentic and real.

Texting and calling has always been a consistent thing with us, never allowing a day to pass.

By doing so is healthy I think, we are adults, we shared a moment, it's not setting us up for disappointment or false hope, it's a natural thing we do.. nothing forced, so why can't it continue? Why can't we call and text each other? We are playing by our own rules.

What is right for others doesn't have to fit what's right for us. Yes we are no longer a couple, but we still are a couple of people who met for a reason.

And debunked the theory of toxicity between ex's.

When you break up sometimes it feels like you are losing a best friend. Many people believe it is best to separate completely but that is not always best case scenario either, leaving you between a rock and a hard place. Especially when it felt natural and calm.

The relationships we allow in our lives make up the fabric of our story.

When you find someone that makes you happy when you are around them, why do we have to let that fade? Why let that go? .

Good friends are hard to find.

Chemistry is even harder.

If you both are on the same page that you want to remain friends, than that is enough, you make it work.

You don't need to explain your choice to anyone. Society tells us that staying friends with an ex isn't a good idea. That's because most are toxic, most break ups are harsh. People can be civil, people can still care, communicate without animosity. Sure it may suck that you broke up but it would suck more being someone that you used to know.

The truth is, though, that only you can make that decision. Take inventory of your life with and without this person. Is knowing them better than not, is having them in your life make you smile? Was life before them better? Before you ever met, existed in each other's lives? Or did they add to your life, creating a different aspect?

If you are happier or more at peace with them in your life, then find a way to maintain a healthy friendship, establishing boundaries and balance.

Why should two people who match energy have to fade from each other's lives just because they aren't together anymore.

Makes no sense. We both want the best for each other and we share a different dynamic, one that I never had with any other guy...

So here's to friendship....

Told you I'm not going anywhere..

I wish things would have ended differently, I wish he would have been my last, never ending at all.... I assured him I wasn't going anywhere and he kept saying good...I never thought we would be done because that wasn't in my cards.... Promising me a happy life and I didn't go back on my promise... I intended to keep my word... I didn't need anyone else, he was enough. Every piece of the puzzle complete...

If they ask and they have... I don't have a bad thing to say... except he is the first guy to walk in my life and treat me well, that's why this is the worst break up of all.

He was a rare gem in a sea of glass.

He is a special one.

Which makes this ending the hardest to write....

I'm rare, special and deserve someone who chooses me without a doubt.

One who I am enough for....

Can't force it, and he is entitled to his life choices, without explanation. Even if that means sealing my fate in the process.

A million reasons to stay but for him one reason to leave...

If they ask about me, tell them I walked in your life showing you unconditional love and support, I was there for you!

That I was real, raw and unfiltered, that I was caring and honest, fun and gentle. That you trusted me, that your heart was safe, tell them that I made you smile and your days calmer, Tell them that I was attentive, vocal, beautiful and smart, that I was wild in bed, making you hard with a simple touch, that I was patient and understanding, amazing, and didn't complain.

True to myself and true to you.

Tell them I was like no one you have ever been with before, and honestly someone you will never experience again.

But I wasn't enough for you, I couldn't fill that void that is so prominent, I could give you everything else except that one thing.

But most of all.... Tell them you broke my heart.💔