Sky Dance

She was always on the run. Nervous energy coursed through her veins. Fear constantly hummed in her brain. She was never certain if she should be running forward or looking over her shoulder. The one thing she did know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that she would never be good enough, she was too weak. She'd been told enough times, by too many people, didn't matter what it was, she'd never be able to do it. She was small and weak and alone.

All those people that were supposed to have her back, were sitting right there on the sidelines, watching and just waiting for her to fail. She knew that the slightest slip would have them swooping in to steal away her babies and leave her completely alone and shattered. She'd never met anyone that didn't have some kind of hidden agenda. Those whom she'd loved most and who should have loved her back were always the ones to do the most harm. She'd come to believe that love was just a myth, the stuff of fairy tales.

There wasn't time to sit and cry about it though. She just had to keep going, putting one foot in front of the other. Her family had sustained enough damage. Her kids needed her to be strong, stable... a force to be reckoned with.

Just a few short months before, her husband had chosen drugs over family. Police had been just days away from busting into their home to uncover his marijuana grow op when she gave him the ultimatum and her heart was shattered. He'd looked at her as though she had two heads and told her she was just being paranoid. He wasn't home all the times that the cops had driven by their isolated acreage home or circled in the skies above, flying low with their helicopters. She'd packed up the kids and gone to stay with a friend, giving him one week to clear out. It had been her home before he came along and there was no way in hell she was going to just walk away and let him have it.

The baby had been just a little over a year old. She'd had to quit working early on in her pregnancy because she'd gotten so sick. They'd talked at length and agreed that a traditional family life would be best for the children and she shouldn't return to work. Perhaps having a stay at home mom would settle down her 'wild child' from a previous relationship. To be honest, that had always been her dream anyway. Her parents had groomed her to be a good wife and mother from her infancy.

Her husband had said that he still wanted his daughter raised by a stay at home mom. They could keep their joint bank account and his paycheck would continue to be deposited, he'd just take enough to live on. He'd make sure her bills got paid and they would have everything they needed, and he did just exactly that for the first few months.

Then one day, out of the blue, the bank had phoned. She had to come in and sign an overdraft agreement. There hadn't been a deposit in over a month, he'd taken everything and the loan, mortgage, van payment and utilities had all been automatically withdrawn. She was just lucky that it was a small town bank and she'd had her account since childhood. They knew that whatever had happened wasn't her doing, but she was going to have to fix it. They couldn't take his name off the account because he'd refused. They did agree to open a new account for her, as soon as she could get enough money to do it.

She managed to talk to neighbors and pick up some odd jobs to make some quick cash and got a job working the grave yard shift at a local coffee shop. That way at least she could be with the kids during the day and only have to leave them when they slept. She'd found a young friend that needed a place to live to rent a room from her and stay with the kids at night for a reduction in rent.

Things had come together, but it was exhausting. Five days a week, she'd get home from work just in time to wake her son, have breakfast with him and put him on the bus to school. Thank God the baby liked quiet morning snuggles, so she could sleep for two hours, while her daughter cuddled and watched cartoons. Then it was time to go clean houses or whitewash fences, with the baby in tow.

When her parents caught wind of what was going on, they'd shown up at her door. Looking down her nose, her mother demanded to see the children and inspect the house. Her father wouldn't even look her in the eye. They didn't bring groceries or clothes for the kids. They did mention that if they felt things weren't up to par they'd be filing a report with Child Protective Services. Of course, it had to be the one day that the baby had decided to dump the full tray of white oil based paint right on her head and she was sleeping soundly on the couch, her waist length brown hair caked with paint.

She knew the house wouldn't meet her mother's meticulous standards and so she wasn't surprised when the social worker called to arrange a home visit. She'd said the 'anonymous reporter' had stated they were living in squalor, the baby wasn't being bathed and they had almost no food. What did surprise her was that they had already gone to the school and interviewed her son. At seven, he already had a knack for knowing how to keep a captive audience and had told her at length about all the beatings he'd received from her husband and multitude of lovers. It was all she could do to stifle a laugh... she didn't even have time to sleep more than three hours a day, let alone energy to think about a lover, never mind find one!

It was no surprise that she was more than a little distracted driving in to work that night. She was terrified about the worker's visit the next morning. Her home was by no means new, and it was tough to make the old trailer look cozy, but she did the best she could with what little time and money she had to make sure her kids were comfortable and safe. But would it be enough?

She caught a flash of light in her rearview mirror. Thinking it may be the police she glanced up for a better look. She was horrified when her eyes shifted back to the road ahead just in time to see the deer smash into her windshield and explode. Chunks of meat flew across the highway and blood smeared her windshield and hood. She got out to inspect the damage. It was bone chillingly cold and dark and she was still a few miles from town. There wasn't a light to be seen, except the soft glow in the sky of the town ahead. The closest phone would be at work, but she didn't even know who to call at ten o'clock at night or if the car was even going to be drivable. She had no other choice but to try. So she used some snow from the ditch and did her best to clean the blood from the windshield, climbed back in and drove on.

The car was overheating badly, so she could only limp it those last few miles to town. The only person she could think of to call was the truck driver that had hired to whitewash fences. She hated having to ask for help, especially from someone she barely knew, but he'd always said to let him know if she needed anything. His voice was groggy when he answered the phone and she knew she'd woken him from a deep sleep. She was flooded with guilt and it was more than she could take. She sobbed into the phone. He told her to stay calm or she wouldn't be able to work her shift. He told her not to worry. He'd take care of everything. He had a tow truck pick up her car and take it to his shop, where he'd have his mechanic go over the damages and he'd pick her up when her shift ended.

When she slid into the passenger seat of his car he looked at her with a sideways smile. 'Boy, when you decide you're going to do something, you sure know how to do it right, don't you!?!' he said with a crooked smile. He laughed, 'That car is trashed!'

She hid her face in her hands and sobbed. This was the last thing she needed! She had no money for another vehicle. She didn't have collision insurance, so they wouldn't cover it. Her head was already spinning, with the social worker scheduled to arrive at her house in just a couple of hours, work scheduled for this afternoon and tonight and no way to get to and from either job, she didn't have time to try and find one even if she could borrow money somewhere.

'Don't worry,' he said, 'You can use my car until we get you back up and running.'

She lifted her head and looked at him suspiciously. 'Why would you do that?' she asked. She barely knew him... he had to have ulterior motives.

He pulled off the highway and onto a dark, isolated side road. She figured this was going to be it. He'd drag her into the bush and fuck her brains out as 'payment' for all he was doing to help her out. Her stomach twisted into knots and she sighed. It was the last thing she wanted to do. He was old and ugly, but he paid her more than any other job would for the work she did for him, so she couldn't afford to say no. She'd lived through worse. She prayed he'd be done quick.

He pulled into a field, surrounded by trees and turned off the car, leaving the radio on to play his classical music. 'Come on,' he said, getting out of the car.

She followed him around to the front of the car. He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, taking a deep breathe. She tensed, trying not to vomit.

He placed one finger under her chin and forced her head skyward.

'Look up, sweet child,' he said.

Brilliant green lights danced across the sky. They'd light up the field then quickly disappear, only to return moments later somewhere else. It was breathtaking.

'In the darkest hours of the night, even the sky will dance. You need to just pause and take a moment to appreciate that there are good and beautiful things in this world, even if your life seems like it's going to shit. Drink it in. Feel it with every fiber of your being.'

They stood in silence for awhile before he spoke again. ' I know things are tough right now. But it's going to all work out. What's meant to be will be. Find joy where ever you can. Drink fine wine. Eat delicious food. Listen to great music and like that sky... dance through your darkness.'

A few minutes later, as the sun began to peak over the horizon, he lifted his arm from her shoulder and said, 'We best get you home, I know you have busy day ahead of you.'