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Single Again? How to Set Yourself Up for Dating Success

by Kelly Eden 8 months ago in dating

Are you ready to get out there?

Photo by irishasel

If you’ve been out of the dating world for a while you may need to prep a bit before you take it on. Dating is different than it was even a few years ago. Are you really ready?

First get your mindset right:

1. Be who you want to attract

You want to draw in people who are positive, passionate, and enjoying life. When you're feeling positive about life, have hobbies or work that you love, fantastic friendships and enjoy your life without a partner then you will become the kind of person others are drawn to!

2. Know there are plenty of fish

An abundance mindset helps you be less desperate in dating. (Because no-one wants to look desperate!) Every guy you meet is not the last man on earth. Remember that 90% of the people you meet will not be the right one for you. So if a date doesn’t go well, don’t take it too personally — get out there and try again.

3. Be open-minded

Look outside your usual ‘type’ and be open to any outcome. Try to enjoy the process of dating. Even if it’s just one date, look for what was positive about it: so what if you didn’t find him attractive, was the coffee good?

4. Play the long game

According to Jeffrey Hall, a professor at the University of Kansas, friendship takes hours to cultivate. He found that it took 90 hours of hanging out for someone to become more than just a casual friend and that making a best friend took over 200 hours generally. So don’t rush things! If you fall in love in a week, it’s probably your hormones talking.

Build attraction rather than pushing for commitment too soon. People usually take longer than we want them too to make up their minds. (But don’t wait too long! If they're not that into you, move on.)

5. Work through your baggage

Don’t give up on love because it didn’t work out before. Those old relationships ended because they were broken. The guy ghosted because he was not the one for you. Perhaps you fought all the time because you had chemistry, that initial spark of attraction, but were not overly compatible.

Compatibility is what matters in the long run. The more similar you are the better according to new research.

Learn to identify red flags to keep yourself safe. Love bombing is one of these danger signs. If a guy showers you with intense romance and statements of love in the first few weeks be wary. Healthy people don’t fall in love at first sight. Attraction — yes, but real love takes time. Many relationship experts recommend waiting two years before you get married because it takes a long time to get to know someone properly. If someone is moving too fast, move on.

When you're ready, you can find dates anywhere:

Of course, you can go online to find a date and there are many sites of varying quality for this but really, dates can be found anywhere.

Join groups, on and offline, where there might be singles. If you're able to, start a new sport where you play on a mixed team. Go out places with your friends. Get out of the house as soon as you can. You can even meet people at the supermarket.

One approach to meeting dates anywhere is the question/ compliment technique. When you spot an interesting looking person, ask for help, advice, or give a genuine compliment. Smile, make eye contact, use open, friendly body language.

On your first date

When you get a date be approachable and playful. Use open body language, smile, tip your head slightly (we notice micro-expressions like this subconsciously — they tell us if people are a threat or not. Find out about more about body language if you think you might be making a first impression with people as stern or unfriendly).

Be confident, know you're fantastic but try not to look down on your date if they aren’t what you were expecting. Give them a chance.

Don’t be defensive, or treat your date like an interrogation. Remember it’s a conversation to get to know a stranger, not an interview.


Kelly Eden

Kelly Eden lives next to a rainforest in New Zealand. Her work has been featured on Apple News Spotlight,, Zoosk and more. She loves to teach other writers how to tell their stories in a way that moves and inspires readers.

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