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Sincerely, A Girl Just Trying to Get Better

A short letter to those I have loved and hurt.

By Sara CaramellaPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Sincerely, A Girl Just Trying to Get Better
Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

To Everyone I Have Ever Loved,

I would like to begin by thanking you for loving me. Loving me at and through the lowest points in my life. Thank you for not giving up on me, even when I gave up on myself. Thank you for accepting me for who I truly am and was, even when I could not accept it. That was the easy part. Now let's dive into the hard parts.

This letter is meant for my mom, my dad(s), my sibling, my ex's, my old roommates and friends .. the people I have abandoned, the people that have abanded me and the people that still hang on, despite the way I may have treated them. I was hurting. I still kind of am but not to the point I was back then. I was hurting so much that I began to hurt others. And for that, I am truly sorry. I did what I needed to do for my own survival and looking back .. I realize how wrong I really was. So again, I am sorry and I know sorry doesn’t do much.

You don't have to accept my apology, you don't have to come back. I am writing this to let you know but also so that I can let it go and move on. I am ready to move on and leave my old self behind. She was so hurt from the past behaviors of other.. she couldn't quite grasp what loving others or herself was. But me now? I am learning and growing every single day. I know that doesnt help you now and it definitely does not excuse my poor behavior.

I took what happened at home out on everyone around me, then I took it out on myself. I blamed others, I was jealous, I was anxious and I just was not a great person. It is hard to admit when you're wrong and it is even harder to call yourself out on it. I only hope that I can continue to grow, learn and work on myself. And I do hope that you can, too. We hurt each other because we were hurting. We have all faced traumas and issues that are so hard to speak on. I’ve cried to you and you have cried to me about them. There’s something about that type of relationship that just can’t sustain itself once one or both parties have begun to grow.

I have been such an angry and sad person for so long, it is no wonder I hurt you. This apology is for me and I don't need you to accept it. I want you to know that the anger is slowly going away and the sad days come less and less. I think of you often and I have always wanted to reach out to apologize. Then I realized that an apology wouldn't do a thing. An apology doesn't seem like enough, especially for how awful I was for certain periods in my life. I couldn't see how terrible I was being and it cost me some amazing people. Being angry and sad doesn't get you anywhere. It only leads to hurt.

Anyways, I think I have said what I needed to. I hope you can also apologize to others and yourself. You reacted to my abuse whileI was reacting to others abuse, it is a vicious cycle. So here it is, all out on the table. Thank you for loving me, even when it was hard. You hold a special place in my heart.

Sincerely,

A Girl Just Trying to Get Better

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About the Creator

Sara Caramella

26. Crisis Counselor. Domestic Violence Survivor.

I believe in sharing my story so others know they are never alone.

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