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Silent Letters

It's the Silent Ones That Get You

By MoPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
7
It's a Pterodactyl, in case you weren't aware.

Silent letters make me want to rip my hair out and plunge my eyes into a bucket of acid. It’s really only the unnecessary ones that are detrimental to my health. It's stupid, but my biggest pet peeve are those ludicrous silent letters. Best example: pterodactyl. Why is that p there? Who decided that it needed a p? As far as I know, it does nothing. If letters were people, that p would be your friends' friends' cousins' daughters' pet fish. Useless to you and everyone involved. I sob at night trying to discover the profound meaning of silent letters. To which I can never find the answer. After a trek through the depths of my psyche, all that remains is emotional turmoil. It’s like trying to wrap your head around the idea of infinite space. It keeps you up at night.

I don’t quite know or understand when this… resentment started, but it’s definitely one hell of a conversation starter. I can’t explain the feeling, either. It’s almost like there’s this bothersome worm in my ear that has me point out the letters that just don’t fit. It raises quite the plethora of questions, as well.

Why am I like this? Why can’t I just have normal thoughts about normal things? I could be having a monotonous day, then all of a sudden… knight stabs me in the eyes and rips out my stomach. My thoughts aren’t grey anymore, their bloodstained and buried deep on Mars. By the way, who even thought it was a good idea to add k to knight? What a waste of time.

These putrid silent letters are something I cannot change. This is something I don’t have control over. As much as I want to change it, I can’t. That’s okay, I guess. I don’t have the ability to change a cemented age old language. What would I do? It’s not like I can just mosey on over to the inventor of the English language and politely ask him to change a few things. I’m certain he’s dead, anyway. Rest in peace, sir.

Silent letters think they’re cool and all. Sneaking up on us like cockroaches. They're absolute fools. They think they make a difference in the world, but they don't. They're just there for decor. But, you know, sometimes I think that maybe they just want friends. If silent letters had feelings, I would think that they would feel lonely. Nobody pays attention to them or notices them. And here I am, bashing on silent letters like a fanatic. I may feel bad for them, but I still don't like them very much. They make us look like buffoons in class. When we approach a new word, and sound it out, we sound out all the letters. In the event that there’s a silent letter, we are unaware and pronounce that, too. Then, as the realization dawns on us, and the cold sweat commences, and the nervous look around at your classmates begins, you feel like an idiot. People think you're illiterate. Stupid, stupid. I think silent letters hurt us more than we hurt them, and we are oblivious enough not to notice.

Listen, this might be very lighthearted, but I assure you, I am very passionate about this. This might be some tomfoolery I’ve bestowed upon you. This might be something that you don’t care about, something that no one cares about. This might be stupid and weird. And this might be the worst thing you’ve read all day. But this is mine. This is what I have. I have this amazingly idiotic personality trait, that I can’t help, that I can’t change. Here I am, writing an article on it, for my own enjoyment. I love this...thing that I have for myself. I’m in love with this thought that silent letters are sad, lonely, and excruciatingly unnecessary.

satire
7

About the Creator

Mo

I write what I feel like writing when I feel like writing it. It's hard to write when you don't know how to start the sentence or how to fill it, or how to finish it.

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