Signs You're Dating a Narcissist.

This article is for anyone wondering if they are in an emotionally abusive relationship. I’m going to bring up past situations I had with my Ex Boyfriend in hope to help you witness what it was like to live with a narcissist/emotionally abusive man.

If you find yourself in your current relationship feeling more times than not like you’re having to explain simple moral values, gaslighted, made fun of even though they are saying its a joke, feeling like if you just had done A thru Z maybe they would then love you and want to give you attention, if any of that sounds familiar to you then maybe this article will help you to get some perspective within your relationship. Not to mention if your partner is withholding affection, saying hurtful things that make you cry but they show no remorse are warnings signs as well.

Narcissists are very selfish individuals who lack in empathy. They normally love bomb you in the beginning of the relationship then slowly show their true inner self which isn’t pretty.

I’m gonna dive in and tell you a few situations I had experienced with my past relationship.

I remember in the beginning of the relationship it started very affectionate and the relationship progressed pretty fast. I remember he would tell me nice things but after about two months he stopped saying nice things except of course when he wanted something and he started to become very critical and belittle me.

I remember on our first date he had asked me to be his girlfriend I was happy he felt that way but it worried me it was all going too fast. He had even stated he wanted to marry me many times and planned too. Even though it made me feel good we both felt these deep feelings already for each other I realized things still needed to move in a timely fashion because we needed to get to know each other first, I was a realist about it. I felt concerned it was too fast and I told him no for now to being his girlfriend because I wanted to get to know him in person better. I remember he seemed like he was really offended by it and later told me how it hurt him and how if I ever wanted to be his girlfriend I had to ask him which I did 5 months later.

One of our first bigger disagreements was I would usually tell him I love him at least every other day. He told me not to say it because I said it too much. Which for me that felt odd being told not to say I love you when I wanted. Relationships I had in the past usually “I love you” was said a lot more than what him and I said. It made me feel weird but I did my best to respect that.

His reason why he didn’t want me to say it was odd. He explained how he felt that when I said “I love you” I was just lying to him.

He also had an issue with me saying he looked handsome or cute. He said he thought he was ugly and I was just lying to him about this as well. He is a very attractive man so being told that was very odd to me as well but regardless I did my best to respect it.

I soon found out that even when I would tell him “I love you” weekly he still felt this was too much. He said I didn’t have to say it because he already knew. Which I thought was nice but also… it felt controlling being told not to say something I so freely and from the heart wanted to say.

I always noticed how when he asked me not to do something I would follow it and do as he asked but that usually still wasn’t good enough and then he always changed the story down the road just slightly to make it different so that then I had to once again readjust.

In hindsight now I realize those were red flags because if you’re in a loving relationship those moments we shared where I expressed an “I love you” were precious moments and for some reason he wanted to twist something that meant a lot to me into something that was ugly.

I’m gonna skip ahead to an episode he had 5 months after him and I had been dating. I asked him if he could not play video games at least on one of the nights I came to visit him. I would go to his apartment 2 to 3 times a week. Also I would like to explain a little further about him. He had no job and still has no job and he collects a disability check monthly from the VA which he uses to pay his bills and living expenses. He spent and still as far as I know still spends his days playing Final Fantasy and most of his nights playing as well or drinking or both. He does enjoy staying up to date on current political news and he is great at mathematics one of the things that first attracted me to him was how good he was at Math.

Anyway so I asked him if it would be okay if one of the nights I came to visit him if he could not play Final Fantasy. I explained to him I understood how much it meant to him to play the game and I was never going to ask him to stop playing like he said so many exes had asked of him in the past, but I wondered if it would be possible if even for 4 hours of the time I came to visit him if he could not play Final Fantasy at least one of the weekly nights I came to visit.

I remember this was a few days before my birthday I asked this of him and it was via text. He texts back “then I want one day a week of no texting”. I then say feeling hurt “What? But why? Don’t you like messaging me?” He then explains how if I’m gonna take something away from him that he likes he was gonna take something away from me that I like. I tried to explain to him I thought messaging each other was something we both liked. He then went on to say how he didn’t mind it and he does but also he is so busy most of the time he wouldn’t mind having a day off from messaging me. I felt upset because him and I didn’t even message that much at all so it was very hurtful to me.

I remember the conversation progressed into him saying we didn’t need to have sex because it was too confusing knowing when we could. He was referring to one time I had asked him before we had sex if we should because I knew I was ovulating and I was trying to be responsible letting him know since he didn’t want to use a condom. He then got upset and we ended up not having sex.

Anyway he went on to explain how he didn’t really need sex anyway. I felt upset because I had told him a week before this how much sex with him meant to me. So it felt so sad he wanted to take that part of us away that I felt was so good. I tried telling him it was fine I would never tell him no or say I was worried about if I was ovulating and how we could have sex any time he wanted ( which him and I did already other than for about one week when I would ask if we could not because he didn’t want to use a condom and I couldn’t go on birth control because of some health issues I had).

He kept saying he was being a nice guy saying we couldn’t have sex and how he was fine not having it.

I remember feeling so hurt and I cried and tried to give him anything he was asking for but he kept twisting the conversation so much to make it like he was the victim. That night he broke up with me via text telling me “I didn’t listen”. I felt so sad telling him I was crying and I felt so hurt.

The next day he messaged me around 1pm when he woke up. He said he “might of drank too much last night and he was sorry for anything he said and he didn’t want to break up with me”.

I then tried to ask him if he felt the way he did with everything he was saying. He sober said he did but that he didn’t want to break up. I remember feeling sad and like my mind was so tired trying to understand his hot and cold nature of how he was treating me. I remember I showed my text conversation to my sister and she said he was playing mind games and I shouldn’t be with him. I remember I went to see him that night and as soon as I got to his apartment he was acting like everything was normal and he was happy. I however felt destroyed inside and I told him how I was thinking of breaking up with him because what he put me thought that night was horrible. He just laughed and said he was just joking and he didn’t really mean he was breaking up with me. I tried explaining to him how he said it though and I told him I was crying and sad and if he was really joking why did he let me cry and be sad and hurt? He said he was just drinking and joking and he didn’t know why I took him serious.

In the end I stupidly didn’t break up with him that night and we ended up having an okay night and he acted like everything was great.

It’s weird how even after a fight/mind games how when he would put his arms around me I felt at home. I think it has something to do with when the abuser finally gives you attention you feel deep inside like you finally did right something right and they appreciate you so you can’t help but allow them to give you that attention. It’s hard. I remember when I was younger I would hear of relationships like that and I remember thinking, why would you let something treat you like that and how I would never fall for it. It’s weird to think I fell for someone that was so emotionally abusive to me.

That was just the beginning of it all. It all got gradually much worse.