So let's start where this all began. I worked at a fast food company for 3 years and well I found it horrific but that's a story for another time. Whilst working long hours here there was always a manager I feared working with. The manager made me cry on one of my first shifts by shouting loads at me whilst I was training. From here on in I'd spend most shifts hiding from her and even changed my availability as much as I could so I wouldn't see her.
I started working nights again in order to avoid her, that's were I met this guy. I had someone add me on Facebook that I didn't recognise but apparently I worked with so I accepted. Straight away he started messaging me and we instantly just clicked, we seemed to have quite a bit in common and would message everyday. At this point I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
After a few weeks of talking I agreed to go over and watch a film. Why was I so naive to think that's what we'd be doing? We hung out for a bit and it was great, I actually thought this could lead somewhere. He made the first move and things escalated pretty quickly but it was all so exciting and felt right at the time. I didn't want to tell anyone at work as I didn't want to draw any attention to myself.
A few weeks went by and I'd seen this guy on a few occasions. When I walked into work I was treated with a lot of uncomfortable stares and whispers. I confronted him and he didn't think it was a big deal so for a while I didn't let it bother me. All of a sudden everyone just seemed against me and I was called a slag and a bunch of other names. I stayed on night shifts to avoid it and I had some great friends I worked with to.
So where does the manager tie into this? It turned out she was the guy's ex. Great right? Thankfully she didn't know about me for a long time.
Me and this guy have always stayed in touch, he's a huge player but for some reason I'm the only girl he keeps going back to. The first time around I did have feelings and I let him get away with everything. I then moved on and found a guy I thought was incredible. Well of course that all went downhill and it was an awful relationship. Sorry to my friends for not listening to you! So now we're up to speed, as soon as that relationship was over I started talking to this guy again. We hadn't seen each other in a long time and I went over and we just sat and spoke. We spoke for 4 hours about random things and our lives which is something that we never did before. In fact we met up a few times a just hung out.
I was at a house party down the road and planned to go round that night and hook up. I went over all eager and excited and just before we did anything he dropped the bombshell he was in a relationship with the manager again. Things are a lot more complicated than that. Let's just say it's not working great and there's only one reason there still together. I could tell that this guy wasn't in a great place. Drunk me had no emotion towards this manager or guilt so I still went along with everything. This has led me to indeed becoming what most people would call a "side chick."
I've been around quite a lot since that night and in all honestly it's helped me get over my previous relationship, feel a lot more confident, and actually made me feel excited. I have recently started getting a bit down over the fact I feel no guilt for doing this. After all he does have a girlfriend who thinks that he's changed. When I walked passed them in the street I still felt nothing. I'm also not over exaggerating when I'm saying she was pure evil and made me sad at work on a daily basis for no reason. She was power hungry and knew I weak and someone who doesn't stick up for myself.
Things have been getting a little more complicated between me and this guy. I went into this knowing nothing could ever come and prepared myself so I didn't get hurt like last time. I still have no feelings towards him I just really enjoy being in his company, and of course the sex. People never see how well we actually get along, we're like completely different around each other and it's so nice. Recently he's been telling me he wants to be with me and if things were different...
Hold on a sec this isn't what I signed up for. I thought all the feelings I had previously would come flooding back but still there's nothing. Now I don't know if this is all being said in an attempt to keep me sweet or actually means something. This reminded me of the time his best friend (who is so lovely) came up to me on a night out. This was a couple years ago and he told me that this guy does actually have feelings for me and I can trust his word. This now has confused everything so much more. As much as I keep telling myself maybe it'd be good to call it off I still find myself going round.
I personally don't really like being a side chick but in this scenario I'm actually okay with it. Some people do this and have no problems, others get caught out and it can be a horrific situation. I won't be making a thing of this and know some people will judge and others won't bat an eyelid. I just wanted to share my side of things.
Updates to follow.