She Was Like Winter

Cold. Frozen. Are words you would use to describe her heart. To describe her being. If I had to describe it, just a little further, it would be like a frozen pond.

You’d have to tread lightly. Not that you would ever want to cross it. Although that is the reason why it is cold. Many people have crossed her. Walked all over her heart.

The last time I saw her was 2 years ago. She just gotten over a break-up with her long time boyfriend, and she told me she needed a change of pace. She always needed a change of pace. She was never one to stay still. But think that was her comping mechanism. Her mom passed, and her dad was never around. Left to be raised by her aunt who always traveled for work. I think it became her thing... So whenever something bad happened in her life, or if she felt like she wasn't okay she moved.

She doesn’t trust anyone and she doesn’t look at anyone the same anymore. It’s like she’s been beaten from the inside out. She’s tired. It’s written all over her face.

Did you know if you were to take a hammer and beat on a frozen river just hard enough it could break? Can you imagine that. Because that’s all I think it would take. If you beat on her heart, the barrier that she built up just hard enough, it’ll break.

Cold.

It makes you wonder what could have been done that made her so cold. It makes you wonder who really hurt her this time. Her heart reminds me of a frozen pond. Once warmed by the sun and love flowed through it with ease. But now it’s like winter resides in her year-round. Like the cold nights grow colder as the days carry on. It’s like winter never ceases in her heart.

Every time I see her I just want to walk up to her and hold her. I want to share my warmth with her….

But how would one do such a thing? When nothing between are any longer the same. It’s like being too scared to walk across that frozen pond. Thinking, what if I step on that pond and fall in? What if I fell in and could never make it back out? What if someone never finds me?

But a part of me wants to take that risk. I want to take that risk to defrost her cold, cold exterior she built for herself. I want to reach out to her and have her reach for me. I want to know what’s going on inside of her mind. I want to be the person she vents to. I want to be the person that she goes to when she’s hurting.

You can look at her and look into her sad eyes and see that deep down lies a beautiful, warm soul that used to smile brighter than the sun. A girl who just wanted to love and to be loved and to experience love. But now all you see are chilling, dark eyes. Her beautiful honey brown eyes that used to be so bright are now dim and icy like the mud after it snows.

She has no friends. She always walks alone. She lives by her lonesome in a house that doesn’t any longer seem like a home. You’ll never see her with another. No family. No friends. And no lover. Always alone.

She looks no-one in the eyes. She doesn’t even breathe out a hi. You can never tell what she is thinking. But every now and again you will see her leaving a bar after hours and hours of drinking. It makes you wonder what goes through her mind. What made her disconnect from the world and what makes her cry. It makes me wonder if there is anything I can do to save her this time.

This isn’t the first but I wanna make sure it is the last. She used to be a friend. A very close one at that. Then she left and came back and didn’t say a word, gone just like that. Our friendship, one that I held dear. One that I wish I could’ve kept near. One that I wish I pushed a little further, without hesitation or fear.

Time. It never stops for anyone. How do I go about saving her this time? What should I do? How do I approach her? How do I get her to listen to me?

People say when you look into her eyes you’ll just want to run away. So I never tried. It’s scary to me. To know the she isn't the same girl that I always wanted to see. But not because of how bone chilling her eyes are. But because I’m scared of seeing myself in those eyes. But that is another reason for me to want to help her. I just want to hold her. To hear her voice again. To help her come back to her beautiful, loving and bright self.

So today I’m going to do it. I’m gonna bring her back. I’m going to be the sun that defrosts that icy wall she built up so nice. Like that frozen pond that never got to see the light. I will be the spring to her winter so that I can experience all of the seasons with her.

She was the winter. And I want to be her spring. I don't want her to fall any longer, unless it's for me. I want her to shine bright like the brightest sun, at the beginning of summer. I will be the light that takes the dark away from her. I will find a way for her to let me love her.

She was the winter. And I want to be her spring. I will be the Anna to her Elsa, and that will be our thing.