SEX IS DEAD

Has your sex life diminished since the beginning of the pandemic? How about just your dating life? We’ll you’re not alone! Millions of Americas just like yourself have been suffering during the pandemic (tragic) and much of it is due to fact the that people don’t know how to ACTUALLY date. Before we get down and dirty and hear from some experts in the field (aka my lonely sexless/dateless friends), I’ve put together a list to help explain what’s going on.

Pre-Pandemic

• Does my side thing know about my main piece?
• Condom or no condom?
• Should I split the bill or make them pay?
• Is this a catfish?

Pandemic

• Where do I even go on a date?
• How does sex work?
• If I go on a date and we kiss will I catch COVID?
• Will my zoom date notice I'm not wearing pants?

Both/Similarities

• Is this worth going out in public for?
• Terrified of catching a virus/disease
• Which way does the condom go on?
• Still lonely AF

Now more than ever, young people’s dating and sex lives have taken a toll due to the coronavirus. Now that we’re 8 inches deep…er months…into the pandemic, every single person at this point has downloaded at least one dating app (if not more) to see if they could find the bae of their quaran-dreams. ‘Cause let’s be honest, those cheesy one liners aren’t doing the trick like they used to.

To get a pulse on the COVIDating scene, we polled some friends for their expert opinion. Here’s what they had to say:

“Most of the people our age are living at home with their parents because they can’t afford an apartment, where are we supposed to go at the end of the night?”

“Zoom dates are horrible, you can’t get a feel for someone like you can in person”

“Dating in the pandemic is like trying to pick up girls pre-pandemic at a restaurant”

While many of our friends complain about the struggle of dating during the pandemic, we can’t help but come to the conclusions as to why that is:

1. Young people have no idea how to have a real date.

“You’re telling me we can’t just have sex and call it a night?” No, you can’t Jimmy. Have some class a go to a nice restaurant, spark up good conversation and actually get to know your date.

2. We spend all day on apps and laptops, but somehow can’t figure out Zoom authentically.

No, we don’t want to see the way your room looks. Yes, we can tell you’re not wearing pants…wait..is that…. another girl’s hair tie in the background?!

3. COVID-19 more like CATFISH-2020. *Queue Nev Schulman*

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by a catfish. Raise your hand if you’re naive enough to say no during online dating in 2020. 🙋🏼🙋🏻‍♀️

4. Can I touch it?

Here’s the deal. The answer is yes. But the answer is no, not in that way. But the answer is YES… so ask me about…so the answer is YES but the answer is also NO. So which… the answer you’re looking for is yes, but also no. Basically, 🥴. We all know the risks of the ‘rona but just keep in mind the um, medical, risks of dating.

5. Dating sucks.

Let’s be honest… dating sucks! Even before the pandemic. You have to get ready, spend some money and hope for the best all while barely knowing the other person. And ‘rona isn’t doing us any favors.

In conclusion, is sex dead? No one really knows...