Seven Questions for a Reality Check

Every so often, it’s important to assess the status of your life. Time moves along and you’re busy doing stuff. By taking the time to reflect on what’s going well – and what’s not – you can turn the steering wheel of your life and head in a different direction. If you don’t stop to assess, you might be lost on the road of life and not realize it!

Here are seven inquiries for pondering the status of your life:

The first question to ask yourself is about the direction of your life: Do you know where you are going? Without a destination in mind, any road will take you there. Does your life make sense to you? Are you living your life with meaning, direction, and purpose or are you living by default, billowing in the wind? Many people waste precious time complaining about how unhappy they are or about how life just isn’t how it’s ‘supposed’ to be. But complaining, making excuses, blaming others, or playing a victim won’t change anything. You can learn to take the actions required to get where you want to go. But first, you need to know where you want to go!

Your life is like sailing a boat. In the distance is the horizon, your point of reference for your destination. And while keeping your eye on that spot, you are also tending to the boat. Are you tending to your boat? Meaning, are you doing the things you need to do to care for yourself? In what ways might you want to improve your health and fitness? This is not about being a certain weight; it’s about your health. When was the last time you saw your primary care physician? Do you have one? Are you experiencing any physical pain that requires your attention? Are there medical tests you’ve been putting off? Are you addicted to anything? You are the most important person in your life. Without you, what do you have? Besides you, who else hurts when you delay doing what’s best for you? Does that matter to you? Most people say that family is of greatest value. Well, when you don’t take care of yourself, the people who love you the most suffer the consequences.

How are your finances? Are you in debt or are you solvent? What part of your finances requires your attention? If you’re in debt, the first thing is to stop digging yourself into more debt. Create a plan of action to get out of debt and make sure you do the inner work necessary to shift your mindset so that you never get into debt again. People often overspend due to low self-esteem or lack of knowledge about money. If all you do is change your circumstances (i.e. get out of debt) but don’t change how you think about money, you are bound to repeat the pattern.

If you are on the road to financial freedom, what other things might you need to tend to? Are you happy with the return on your investment portfolio? Does your Will need updating? Do you have a Durable Power of Attorney and a Living Will? Are you earning as much as possible given your skill set or is it time to investigate alternative job possibilities or ask for a raise? You don’t know unless you investigate. Several clients have explored their worth in the marketplace and have found they are worth much more than their current position is paying. Then they ask for raises or go for new positions. It’s worth your time and effort to check.

What kind of emotional baggage are you carrying and what do you need to do to let go of it? We live in a busy society. Having not stopped in months (or years) to experience and acknowledge the reality of your pain, you might not realize just what the pain is costing you in terms of happiness, relationships and connection, and even your physical health. Where is your pain? What things do you need to forgive yourself for? Is there someone in your life who you have yet to forgive or who deserves more trust than you’ve given them? What are you holding onto? Accepting your own humanity is a huge step in lightening your load as you walk the thousand miles of your life. Learning to let go of the pain of your past will make the present much more enjoyable.

In what ways are you "shoulding" yourself? You might focus attention on things you "should" do, you think you "have" to do, but you don’t want to do. Somewhere in your thought processes, you harbor the belief that you have no choice about how you "should" spend your time and the things you "should" have. You always have a choice. You may not like the options but there are always choices. You may have unrealistic expectations for how your life should be. The gap between this fantasy and reality causes you pain, suffering, and guilt. You can never achieve unrealistic expectations. Give yourself permission to challenge these beliefs about what life is supposed to be like. What do you think is supposed to be different?

Where’s your fear? Fear is an insidious thing. It keeps you stuck in your comfort zone and will keep you from experiencing more success and happiness in your life. If something is not the way you want it to be, examine your fears. Is money or indebtedness an issue for you? You might fear being alone or abandoned. Do you fear failure or success? Do you fear being taken advantage of or being controlled? Anything you fear runs your life. By succumbing to your fear, you give it power over you. It’s time to take control and overcome your fear do you succeed in spite of it.

What do you value the most? What is most important to you: Is it money? Surviving? Is it work? Family? Your health? Your life is a reflection of what you value the most. If there is an area that is challenging for you, look at the choices you are making; what you choose to do in any given moment is an expression of your values. Too often, people act unconsciously, without considering what is most important. Knowing what you value will help guide your decisions. Do you stay late at work or attend your daughter’s dance recital? Are you taking a vacation this year with your spouse/family or will you work straight through in order to impress others by how diligent you are? Consider what you might be valuing the next time you yell at your spouse, or lie to a friend, or choose to work late when your family is expecting you. Balance is important and being clear about what you value will help you to live true to your integrity, which helps you sleep well at night.

Whatever frustrates you and keeps you up at night, whatever difficulties you currently have, face them. By asking the tough questions, you shed some light on the issues you need to deal with so you can experience greater happiness. Awareness is very powerful. When you give yourself the gift of awareness, you open yourself up to explore the possibilities of your life and you give yourself the power to make conscious choices for yourself and your life. If you don’t ask the questions, you’ll stay in the dark. A safe place for sure, but a very shallow place to live your life.