Seeing the Light in Everything

Have you ever met someone and instantly click with them? That’s exactly what happened between my best friend and I. The start of junior year was rough for me. I attend a small private school (26 girls total) and all of my friends graduated the previous year. I was starting fresh. A new girl came and our levels of sarcasm met each other. We became connected at the hip. We never did anything without each other. To the extent that when she had a life-altering surgery in her home state, I flew out to be with her. Then senior year started. I began to realize I was more negative around this best friend and more pessimistic. I started to see that she made me push away all of my friends that she didn’t like. I started distancing myself slowly, as not to make a mess of an already messy situation. Then one night she snapped. She started treating me like I murdered her family. She began to reveal my secrets that I told ONLY to her. She started befriending people she couldn’t stand that she made me separate from.

So, I ask, “Hey what’s up?” To which I receive a loooonnngg text, which in short said: You’re not enough, I don’t like you, you can’t expect me to be there for you, and I don’t like the person you’re in a relationship with (mind you I had been with that person for a year prior to meeting this best friend); she then tried cushioning the fall by saying, “I don’t want us to not be friends, but we need a break.”

I truly didn’t know how to react so I said, “okay.” In reality, I was heartbroken. It hurt because she knew exactly what to say and which buttons to press to hurt me, and she used everything she knew against me. When I came to the bus the next morning, I was expecting life to be normal. She walked directly past me to sit next to someone else she hated. I blinked back tears. I got to school and overheard her laughing about my response to her text and I lost it. I ran to the bathroom crying. She then walked in, saw me, and bolted. It was like she had been replaced with an entirely different human being. Over the next two months, she went around telling just about everyone about the situation at hand. She had always been the kind of girl who needed excessive validation. I sat quietly and let her do her thing.

It hurt me to come to school and walk through the halls where everyone hated me. But I did. I didn’t let her stifle my growth. There were so many ways I could’ve gotten back at her, and many times I was tempted to, but I realized that the best way to get revenge was to flourish. And I did exactly that. I stopped mourning our friendship and I pushed myself to grow.

I started to see myself turn back into the happy, optimistic person I was before being friends with her. Then it happened.

One weekend, her new friends weren’t around. I was sitting in the dorms with my friend when she sat down and joined in our conversation. At first, I thought it was an olive branch and I was excited she was willing to have me back. Then when her friends arrived, it was back to regular programming. That was rubbing salt in the almost-healed wound.

I put myself back on the healing track. She saw me flourishing and it angered her. She tried weaseling her way back into my life. I was not about to let that happen. So I told her the truth. I told her how her immature approach of ending our friendship hurt and how I am not ready to let her back into my life because I associate her with pain. She was dumbfounded. I walked away and lived my own healthy life.

The point of this is that everything happens for a reason. In the moment I was hurt and confused. I didn’t understand why my closest friend started hating me. My closest friend hating me resulted in my own personal growth and happiness. Had I stayed in that toxic relationship, I would not be the person I am today. I learned from this that before grieving and crying, it’s best to try to see the light.