Season of Friendship

She sat across from me with darkness in her eyes. My body went into shock in disbelief. I could not breathe my heart was pounding so hard I can hear it, "WHY!" I cried. The curtain was pulled in front of my face. The person that I shared my personal life, dreams, goals, children, love, heartbreak, etc. Everything that encompass my world was shared with this person. I genuinely built a friendship a connection with her instantly, with no doubt. I turned my back and she stood there with her tongue sharp and bladed, she stabbed me multiple times the pain was unbearable. I fell to the floor unable to catch myself losing my balance. Hours of shock as I laid on the floor, my strength from with in allowing my body to rise. My left arm dangled, my dominant arm was paralyzed and I walked closer to the door as a golden walkway of faith was laid out for me to exit the toxicity and finally close the door. As I closed the door I than realized that no matter how pure my heart is not everyone is meant to see my vision. Right then is when I realized my WORTH. I had to reflect back on myself and understand there are things I could of done differently as well and learn from my imperfections. Therefore, this lesson has brought me to a new outlook.

WORTH spoke louder than all words put together. My WORTH!!! concluded not everyone deserves my time. My time is valuable and I get to choose who receives it. I am, I am WHO I AM, I comfortably sit in my own skin. The new me sets healthy boundaries for myself and allows certain people in my life and others at a distance. Consequently, my journey of friendship begins and clarity settles in.

There are different types of friends: Social Media, Surface, Mom, Inner Friends each category has its own meaning. This does not mean I loose myself it just means I know how to distinguish each friend. This allows clarity and sanity in my life; especially peace with the people or situation I do not have control over.

SOCIAL MEDIA FRIENDS:

These are the friends you rarely interact with in real life. Allowing negative pressure from these friendships. Always trying to please and collect all the likes. Social Media is were everyone openly shares photos and quotes, showing others their perfect life when indeed you know the truth. Some of your friends will share the provisional reality of there life or show the anger and hate that they are feeling towards others. This is not real unless you choose to dig deep with this individual. Sometimes you can not believe everything you see on the internet. We loose our sincerity when allowing thoughts and judgment that online is substantial. This causes a lot of pressure to be perfect or be connected to the hip with our phones posting every step that you take so that others may like you; causing social anxiety. If you view social media as a way just to see how everyone is doing then this is actually an invigorating way to view friends. Reconnecting with friends from high school, previous coworkers, acquaintances, family even family from different countries, or even close friends, word of advice do not take things personal and do not believe everything you see, everyone has a story and that is totally fine and you have to learn to respect that. You are now given a choice is this a friend that I keep on a surface or do you allow this person into your life. This now brings us to the next category surface friends.

SURFACE FRIENDS:

This is a hard one for me because I had to move inner friends to surface friends because we either grew apart or did not share the same morals. At the same time I will not loose respect for these types of friends because there is an understanding within myself. There is no commitment with these friends. You call them when you want to or you can go MIA (missing in action) whenever you want to. This is a broad category, these are people you party with and laugh with. It is an orgasmic time, temporary fun. Small talk is required for these types of friends, which you should be okay with. Do not get to complacent because as again they are surface friends and no pressure. Coworkers also fall into this category because you can not mix work life with personal life because it gets ugly sometimes. People come into our lives for a reason and you may cross paths at sometime in your life, and during this season you may need that person to learn and grow from. When we come across circumstantial friends, we learn to appreciate and perhaps even seek a lifetime friendship. Advice for Surface friends also known as your social friends, have a good time with them and do not take it personal because you know your boundaries and morals, do not loose YOU in this process of Friendship.

MOM FRIENDS:

This is always the fun ones, these friends somehow become temporary family. I am a mother of 4 in all different type of age groups. Since I had my first two children at a young age I was always considered the young mom. I always fit in because I had to mature at a very young age. My two younger ones I had at an appropriate age so I noticed all the nonsense with some of these friends, so it took me a while to interact with these types of friends. My kids were in sports (competitive swimming) at an early age so of course when being at practice for so many hours and so many days you start connecting with other moms. We would go out to breakfast or dinners, coffee dates, grocery while the kids are at practice even get fit together (this never lasted). I loved the conversations because its the only time you can get together with other woman and vent about kids and the most popular one about our husbands. This is important because we all share the same interest and beliefs. We would plan holiday parties together, birthday parties and potlucks with the team. My children's classmate friends and their moms also fall into this category. Play dates are establish and now you are spending time with the other child's mother and build a friendship. This category may eventually fall into either Surface friends or Inner friends depending on what connection is made. Be comfortable in your own skin and understand your barriers. You get better at this as you mature in building friends. Advice, be the real you because these mothers understand your struggle with kids and a husband. My Mom friends from swim was the best. Our get togetherness’s was a therapy session, which brings you to a healthy way of living.

INNER FRIENDS:

I actually keep a limited spot for these friends. These friends are organic, the ones who know you like the back of your hand and can finish your sentences. One particular characteristic I have noticed about these friends, they can handle the ugly side of you. You share your whole being with this person and you both have an understanding when things do not go as planned. Its like having a relationship with your spouse right? You check in with them to see how they are doing, listen to their drama and not judge them. Be the ear to listen and voice to give advice. Be okay with the lifestyle they live but also be upfront about the way you feel. Inner friends are the ones who will hold your hand during a doctors appointment, they are able to FORGIVE, because that friend is worth it. I will keep this short and simple because they know the good, the bad and the ugly side of who you are. Advice, for these types of friends be perverse about the ones you choose because inner friends are lifelong friends. They are important to you and your loved ones so ask yourself before having an inner friend. Is it worth it?

This concludes my Season of Friendship, I have grown so much in this journey and hoping to give others clarity. I found a part of myself in this process, that I never knew existed. Be you, love you, and do not loose you. Your being is what keeps your world spinning for the ones that you love. Friends-giving is a time to gather around a table and share with individuals who you are grateful for, take advantage of those moments. It's healthy and fluid to have friends in each category just be smart about it, know your WORTH. Share your WORTH with the ones who deserve your time, remember time is valuable.