Scamming the Scammer

Checking my spam folder + Getting another one of those “Send the Extra Money to My Shipper” email

+ A little extra time on my hands =

Let’s play Piss Off the Email Scammer!

I had this guy on the hook for a month, so it it a very long post. But well worth the read, trust me.

Day One – The Pitch

I’m leaving his email intact, just in case any of you would like to bother my new “client”. I have an email encoder that cloaks all email addresses so that bots and scrapers (assholes who gather emails to spam/scam) can’t pick them up off my site. Except “Dale’s”. I excluded Dale’s. Please feel free to email Dale. I think he’s lonely.

It starts out believable – he’s actually mentioned a piece I have on my website, but there are tell-tale signs.

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Blue-Winged Teal Drake

To: [email protected]

Good day to you,

I’m Dale Godfrey from Duluth, Minnesota. I was going through your works and my eyes caught this particular piece,I want to purchase it as I am moving to a new apartment next month. Kindly let me know if you still have the piece available and also let me know it’s final price and more information about it. I will be waiting to read from you.

Regards,

Dale.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Blue-Winged Teal Drake

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Hi Dale,

Unfortunately, that piece is sold. If you’re interested, and would like one carved, let me know. A simple pose, such as that, will start at $2000.00 and go up depending on the complexity of the pose.

If you’re interested, let me know and we can talk time frame.

Thanks for taking the time to visit my site and contact me!

Have a great evening

Lori

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Aaaaaand we’re off!

Day 2

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Payment and pick up

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Dear Lori,

Thanks for your prompt reply. Sure, go ahead and something similar carved for me.

Unfortunately, I’m on my way to France on an official trip (I’m a marketing Executive) and wont be back for another two weeks.

If you’d like to know, I’m relocating to South Africa soon and I’m trying to gather some good stuff for my new abode.

However, I’ll have to notify my shipper who’s helping me move my stuff to get set for the pick up of the piece from your place as I might be delayed depending on how things goes.

PS: In the mean time, kindly get back to me with your contact address and phone# so I can get a check prepared and have it mailed out to you right away.

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Oh, sure thing, Dale!

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Blue-Winged Teal Drake

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>:

Hi Dale,

How exciting to be able to travel, and live abroad! Maybe someday I’ll be able to travel more. I’ve always wanted to visit the Outer Hebrides.

Your request has come at a most opportune time, as I have a dog that is sorely in need of a pet psychic. He has an unusual affection for one of my goats, and continually tries to molest him. The psychic requires $500.00 upfront. I need to resolve this issue quickly, as I can’t let my dog outside, and the continual whining when he sees the object of his obsession is unbearable.

My schedule for commissions is a solid 4 months out before I can begin anything new. Because of this, I won’t accept full payment, but do require half down to secure your place in line.

My location is extremely remote, and there is no mail service, so all I have is a PO Box. I will need to meet your shipper somewhere, as there is no way to give clear directions to my abode.

If my schedule is acceptable, let me know.

Have a great day,

Lori

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Kindly get back to me asap.

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Dear Lori,

I’m just reading your email now as I have been so busy all day preparing for the conference in the office,it starts this weekend.

Actually, my shipper should be in town sometime next week and will definitely be getting in touch with you for the pick up and also to inspect it for me.

Truth is (----"Truth"?! Seriously?---Lori), I would have handled this much differently if I would be at home but I’m a bit pressed for time myself. I’m moving to South Africa this month as I’m being transferred and Promoted.

As it is, I’m sending you check which will include my shippers fees as well.He has asked for an upfront before coming and since I have no access to a lot of cash, I’m trying to kill two birds with a stone.

So, once you have received and cashed the check, deduct your funds and PLEASE help me send the remaining funds to him(shipper). I will forward his contact details to you once you have received the payment.

Now I’m concluding you are a responsible person and I can therefore entrust you with this arrangement.I’ll let you know Immediately the check is sent out to you so you should be looking out for it.

Many thanks and talk to you soon,

Dale.

P.S: kindly get back to me with your contact address and phone# so I can get a check prepared and have it mailed out to you right away.

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Oh, yes…I’m a very responsible person.

Whaddayamean doesn’t have “access to a lot of cash”? Huh? If he can send me extra cash, then why not just send it to his shipper? Dale – ya gotta fix this part of your scam.

Dale doesn’t read too closely. Tell Dale he’s an imbecile.

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Subject: Re: Kindly get back to me asap.

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Cc:

Hi Dale,

Congratulations on your promotion!

As I stated in my last email, I can’t start a new commission for another 4 months. If you insist on having the piece sooner, I can move you to the front of the list, but I’m afraid that will cost about triple my quoted cost of $2000. This is because I must do double the work to meet your demands, as well as honor the current customer’s deadline.

Here is my phone number

208-382-5968 (----That spells out (208) FUC-KYOU----Lori)

My pet psychic is scheduled for next week, and this money is greatly appreciated. Since our last conversation, my amorous dog got loose and managed to penetrate my billy goat’s bum, and now I have a vet bill added to the pet psychic. He’s a large dog – an English mastiff. If you can imagine the trauma my poor goat felt when 200 pounds of dog pinned him and mounted him. I may need a pet psychic for my goat, as well.

Let me know if the new cost is acceptable,

Lori

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Day 3

He’s usually prompt in replying, so I’ll hold off on my goat problem (just in case), and finesse him back.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Kindly get back to me asap.

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Hi Dale,

I’m just following up to see if my new terms are acceptable, as I haven’t heard back. I understand that you’re very busy getting ready for your meeting this weekend, your business trip to France, and your big move to South Africa. I just need to know in order to schedule my time.

My work is in high demand, and I have another inquiry.

I would love to be able to tell prospective collectors that I have work in a private collection in South Africa! I’d be willing to knock $1000.00 off the rush price just to be able to make that claim. So, the rush would be $5000.00 instead of $6000.00, and I will work day and night to finish it.

I gave you my phone number in my last email, but forgot to include my mailing address. The number I gave is my cell number, but given the remoteness of my home, I don’t get very good service. In fact, even just sending this email necessitates a drive to find a signal.

If you would like to provide me with your number, I could call to work out the details.

Once we have something finalized, I can provide you with an address to send the check. You can count on me to be honest, and not take more than I’m due. I don’t have it in me to scam people…plus, my reputation would be damaged, and as an artist, I can’t afford that.

Anyway, let me know your decision, so I can give my other potential collector a date for starting.

Have a great day!

Lori

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Day 4

Got him!

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: I await your response

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Cc:

Hello Lori,

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate your help and honesty.

Sure I’m fine with the price so you can go ahead with working on the piece.

Once I have the address check should be sent to, I’ll get the check prepared and have it sent out to you right away then I’ll let you know as soon as I have it sent to you and probably give you a tracking number.

I hope your goat wasn’t that hurt…I’m sure the pet psychic will figure that out. (Awww…isn’t that sweet? He remembers my goat. What a nice man . )

Thanks and I’ll talk to you soon,

Dale.

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Day 5

Doing some major ass-kissing, here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lori Corbett <[email protected]> wrote:

Hi Dale,

That’s fantastic you want to move forward! I can’t tell you how much this means to me, both career-wise, and for the well-being of my animals. Thank you for your trust! I won’t let you down.

Your well wishes for my goat touched me, and tells me that you are an animal lover, too. A kind heart like yours deserves my trust, as well.

I’m sure you wouldn’t mind an update on the situation. My vet assured me that my billy goat was relatively unharmed. He is a little sore, and I must apply ointment to his bum three times a day because he does have a case of hemorrhoids from his attempts to hold off the impending penetration by my mastiff. I’m not looking forward to that, let me tell you.

By the way, my goat’s name is Ladykiller, and he is a prize-winning breeding goat. My mastiff’s name is Cupcake, which really fits him, with the exception of his attitude towards Ladykiller.

The pet psychic is waiting for my call to schedule the appointment, and she even said she would work with Ladykiller at no extra charge. I feel so blessed there are such kind people in my life at this time.

As I mentioned, I live in a very remote area, with no delivery service, so all I have is a PO box. However, I need this money quickly, so may I impose upon you to send the check via FedEx, or other overnight service? Since they can’t deliver to PO boxes, I’ll give you the address of my brother, Roger:

Roger S. Butts (----Look up “roger” in British slang---- Lori)

420 N Bridge Street

XXXXX XXXXX, ID 83445

(----That is the address of the Saint Anthony P.D.---- Lori)

I’ll come off my mountain to retrieve the check, and make sure I get your shipper’s payment sent off, as well.

Thank you so much!

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Day 6

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: I await your response

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Dear Lori,

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate your help and honesty.

I’ll get the check prepared and have it sent out to you asap.Then I’ll let you know as soon as I have it sent to you.

What’s the phone# to reach you and what’s the full name to be written on the check?

Dale.

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…and I appreciate YOUR honesty too, Dale…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lori Corbett <[email protected]> wrote:

Oh, Dale, you ARE an angel!

I will call the pet psychic today, and make the appointment!

As you know, my cell service is spotty, so I will give you my brother Roger’s cell number, as well.

Mine: 208-382-5968 (Remember what that spells, folks?)

Roger: 208-386-2277 (This one spells (208) DUM-BASS )

The name on the check since it’s a business transaction is:

Eagle Whisperer Studio

I’m so excited! I’ve bandsawed out your blue winged teal this morning. Since I trust you completely, I plan on starting your piece tonight.

Once again, thank you! I just don’t know what I would do without kind people like you. I will look for the tracking number. OH…and don’t forget to include your shipper’s mailing address!

Lori

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: I await your response

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Okay. I’ll let you know once the check is prepared and mailed out to you.

Dale.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, waiting with ‘bated breath, Dale

Day 9

I’m a little worried since I haven’t heard anything from Dale. Maybe I need to email him and see what’s going on, dontcha think?

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Lori Corbett <[email protected]> wrote:

Hi Dale,

I know you’re busy, but I was wondering if you sent out the check? My brother said he hasn’t received a delivery, and I’m concerned. Not about you, because you seem to be a person who’s on top of things. Perhaps it got delayed enroute.

Things are a little crazy here at my place. The situation with Ladykiller and Cupcake is getting serious, and I’m needing that pet psychic desperately. I think you would appreciate a little update, since you took the time to wish my goat good things. You’re so kind-hearted.

Ladykiller decided that he doesn’t like me anywhere near his bum, and,understandably so. He’s starting to just sit on his haunches when he sees me coming, so now I have to tie his head to the fence, so I can work on his bum.

WELL…no sooner than I finished, here comes Cupcake like a furry missile with a hard on, and nailed poor Ladykiller, again.

Penetration was aided by the lubricating properties of the hemorrhoid ointment, and the unfortunate fact that Ladykiller was still tied up. Cupcake hit him so hard that Ladykiller’s head shot through the fence rails, breaking a horn in the process, and his rear legs lifted about 6 inches off the ground, kicking futilely as it was impossible to gain any traction to resist. I’m just thankful Cupcake doesn’t have much staying power, if you get my drift.

I apologize for sounding desperate, but I’ve got to do something fast. I’m at my wit’s end.

Wishing you the good things you deserve (for being an animal lover),

Lori

PS: Your teal is coming along nicely. Would you like me to send you progress photos?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YAY! An answer!

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Update on Check?

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Lori,

The check has been prepared and mailed out to you already and should be delivered any time this weekend.

Kindly let me know once your brother gets the check so I can forward to you my shipper’s information including how to get his funds across to him and then set up best time and date with you for pick up.

Dale

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Aw…he didn’t ask about my problems. Well, I’ll just tell him anyway.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Update on Check?

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Thank you, Dale!

You sent the check via regular post, and not overnight, then? You indicated you would give me a tracking number, which is why I made that assumption. My brother doesn’t work this weekend, and a tracking number would have been nice to have so that he would know whether or not he needed to stop by his work while running errands.

Oh well, small mixup. I know you’re a busy guy.

Would you please be kind enough to keep my animals in your prayers?

My poor goat, especially. He was so traumatized yesterday that he spent the rest of the day huddled in the corner of his pen. My vet suggested that I put a diaper(!) on Ladykiller as protection, but that only served to inflame my mastiff’s passion. Forbidden fruit, and all.

Keeping 200 pounds of whining testosterone cooped up in the house proved to be a bad idea, and I have an abused thigh to prove it. And my goat refuses to walk on all fours. He drags himself around with his front legs. It’s pitiful.

This morning I found Ladykiller missing. He somehow got his gate opened, but he wasn’t too difficult to find. I just followed the trail of shredded diaper and smashed goat turds to a chokecherry shrub.

I bought this goddamned dog to protect my goats from bears, but I’m thinking that he’d probably try to screw the bear, too.

On a brighter note, your little teal is shaping up nicely. You never did let me know if you wanted progress photos. Most of my clients love to see their piece in progress.

Let me know, OK?

Lori

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Day 11

Still no word from Dale. But I’m tenacious. It’s just the way my OCD rolls.

Uh-oh. Maybe Dale is a lying prick. He needs to know.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Update on Check?

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Hi Dale,

I haven’t received your check. How did you send it? This is getting worrisome, because I pushed back other commissions in order to expedite yours. The blue winged teal isn’t a commonly commissioned specie, so it isn’t going to be easy to sell if this falls through. I’m about halfway done at this point.

Please let me know the situation. I feel I can trust you, so maybe things got pushed to the back burner due to how busy you are getting ready to move. Are you still in France, or home preparing to move, now?

Thanks for any update you can provide.

Peace,

Lori

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Day 13

Still no check. You don’t think Dale is lying to me, do you? I mean, he was so prompt and efficient up ’til now. Time for another email. Better lay off the goats again.

Yeah, it’s a little boring right now, but I gotta keep him on the line. It’s like fly fishing – you don’t want to jerk the hook and lose the fish. It gets better. A lot better.

I don’t like it when Dale makes me wait. Tell Dale that’s not very nice

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Subject: Re: Update on Check?

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Hi Dale,

Still no check. Do you have a tracking number? I’m getting a little nervous, here. I hope it didn’t get lost, or misdirected. That would be a huge pain for you, being as how you’re very busy with your move.

How was your trip to France? Did you get to mix a little pleasure with your business?

Please let me know the status of the check, if you have a tracking number. Our you could send me the number, and I’ll do the checking.

Have a great (and productive) day!

Peace,

Lori

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Day 16

Still nothing, but I ain’t giving up

Ya think he’s doing this on purpose? Congratulate him for his patience, then.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Subject: Still Nothing

To: [email protected]

Hi Dale,

I’m getting really worried, now. I still haven’t received your check, and your teal is finished. I started this in good faith, and pushed my other commissions back in order to accommodate your short time frame.

Please don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind. I’m up to my ears in chaos and this situation isn’t helping. It’s going to be difficult to find another buyer for this piece. At least let me know if you’re no longer interested.

Peace (the gods know I need some right now)

Lori

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Day 17

Well, whaddaya know? He did send it, but somehow it couldn’t be delivered.

Email Dale and tell him to check his addresses better.

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Payment ( check) UPS tracking# H974 160 400 1

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Dear Lori,

I’m sorry for my slow response, it was due to some living circumstances and my conference that was shifted forward. The check was supposed to be delivered yesterday but was informed the street number is incorrect so you will have to contact UPS office close

Kindly go with the tracking ( H974 160 400 1 ) and then pick up the check from them.

Status: EXCEPTION

Last Scan: 6/19/2014 6:11:00 PM THE STREET NUMBER IS INCORRECT. THIS MAY DELAY DELIVERY. WE’RE ATTEMPTING TO UPDATE THE ADDRESS. / WE’VE CONTACTED THE RECEIVER TO REQUEST ADDITIONAL INFORMATION. REXBURG, ID US

REXBURG, ID US

Carrier: UPS

Service: UPS SAVER

UPS Tracking Number: H9741604001

------------------------------------------------

And a second email in the same day! Now dude’s getting with the program.

I bet he’s dreaming about the cool stuff he can buy. Ask him what he’s going to buy.

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Shipper’s information…kindly get back to me asap.

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Dear Lori,

Once you pick up the check from UPS, Kindly go ahead and have the

check deposited once its deposited with your bank, you can go ahead and have the remaining funds sent to my shipper via MoneyGram.

You can walk into any of their agent locations around you and have the funds sent to him. Below is the shipper’s information the funds should be sent to via MoneyGram;

Name: Wayne Hunter

Address: 2831 Mosehill Rd

Lenexa, Kansas 66215.

Once you have the funds sent, do get back to me with the necessary information which will be needed for the collection of the funds I.e;

Sender’s name

Amount sent

Reference#

Then I’ll have it sent to the shipper and he would instruct their local agent to get in touch with you and also set up best time and date with you for pick up.

Thanks for your help and understanding and I await your quick response soon.

Dale.

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Day 19

I still don’t have the check, but that’s because I ain’t gonna put the effort into picking up the phone and calling them. I did go online to check the tracking number, and it was legit. BONUS: It was sent overnight from Canada! So now, I want to cost him some more money.

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Lori Corbett <[email protected]> wrote:

Hi Dale,

I’m so sorry for the mixup! My brother went on vacation, so he was unable to pick up the package. Unfortunately, I gave you the wrong address. That was his old workplace, and there were hard feelings on their part when he left – he sells one little baggie of marijuana in the parking lot and 6 months of employment goes down the drain. That’s the longest he’s ever had a job since his manslaughter conviction.

I tried to pick up the check but UPS apparently sent it back to you.

Could I please impose on you to cancel that check and send another? This is my sister’s address – I should have done this in the first place.

Windy Butts

XXX XXX X XXXXX

XXXXX XXXXXX, Idaho 83445

Tel: 208-345-4323 (This one spells (208) DIK-HEAD )

I noticed that you sent the check from Canada. That must mean you were on another business trip? I am SO sorry – that had to cost a fortune for International Next Day service! I feel so guilty for the mixup, so I will deduct $200.00 from the cost of your teal to cover your time and expense.

My mind has been such a mess with all that’s been going on. Am I forgiven?

Wishing you peace and wonderful things that money can’t buy,

Lori

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Day 21

Alrighty then – looks like another check is on the way.

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Payment (check ) delivered??

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Lori,

The check has been prepared and mailed out to your sister’s address and should have been delivered by now. Kindly get in touch with her to find out if the check is delivered and do get back to me once she have the check.

Thanks and I await your response. (----Well, of COURSE you are , Dear----Lori)

Dale.

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Day 22

And the check has arrived. Also sent from Canada overnight. I love this guy.

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Payment (check ) delivery status

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Your Tracking Information

Status: DELIVEREd

Last Scan: 6/24/2014 12:39:00 PM DELIVERED SAINT ANTHONY, ID US

SAINT ANTHONY, ID US

Delivered To: SAINT ANTHONY, ID US

Delivery Date: Tuesday, June 24

Delivery Time: 12:39 PM

Delivery Location: RESIDENTIAL

Signed By: EAGLE WHISPERER

Carrier: UPS

Service: UPS SAVER

UPS Tracking Number: H9741603708

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(I received it the day before, on the 24th, but didn’t feel like letting him know ).

Holy shit, now he’s getting all impatient with me!

Tell Dale that he needs to exercise patience.

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Shipper’s information…please respond!!

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Lori,

The check delivered to your sister yesterday and been trying to reach you on the phone and refused to pick up my calls…what’s going on?? (----Judas-titting-priest…patience, Dale!----Lori)

Please pick up the check from your sister and have it deposited at your bank, and once deposited, go ahead and have the remaining funds sent to my shipper via MoneyGram.

You can walk into any of their agent locations around you and have the funds sent to Judith as Wayne is out of the office and will no longer be doing the pick up therefore, the funds must be sent to Judith through the below information;

Name: Judith Keesecker (----I guess “Wayne” got arrested?----Lori)

Address: 351 15th st.

Oakland, CA. 94612

Once you have the funds sent, do get back to me with the necessary information which will be needed for the collection of the funds I.e;

Sender’s name

Amount sent

Reference# (----How many times does he need to tell me how to send a MoneyGram?----Lori)

Then I’ll have it sent to the shipper and they would instruct their local agent to get in touch with you and also set up best time and date with you for pick up.

Thanks for your help and understanding and I await your quick response soon.

Dale.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]

Subject: Re: Shipper’s information…please respond!!

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Hi Dale,

Yes, my sister received your check yesterday. Thank you!!!

I apologize for missing your calls. As you know, my reception here on the mountain is spotty at best. I will be coming down to pick up the check sometime today.

I see that it’s for $7800.00. Do you want me to take out my full $4800.00, leaving $3000.00 to be sent to your shipper? I know I requested $1000.00 as a down payment when we initially began contact, but your piece is finished now. However, I remember you mentioning that your shipper needed his full fee upfront – that would mean that I would instead send him $6800.00?

If that’s the route you want to go, that’s fine with me. I trust you would be good for the balance of $3800.00 to me.I have a good feeling about you, and my intuition is rarely wrong.

Well, except for the time I hired that goat whisperer.

He was good, let me tell you. I looked out my window and saw him skipping down the hill, blowing his goddamned Pan flute, and my little herd goat-stepping in time behind him, single file, nose-to-butt, like some bleating hippie kumba-fucking-ya parade.

The aftermath was my brother’s manslaughter conviction.

Anyway, back to the amount you want me to wire to your shipper – let me know on that, OK?

Thanks again, and peace to you,

Lori

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Shipper’s information…please respond!!

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Lori,

Deduct your full amount for the piece which is $4800.00 and kindly

help me send the remaining funds to my shipper via MoneyGram and once you have it sent, do get back to me with the moneygram details I.e

Sender’s name

amount sent after moneygram charges

reference# (----I goddam get it already!----Lori)

Then I will forward it to the shipper and they will get in touch with you and set up best time and date with you for pick up.

Thanks for the understanding and I await your response.

Dale.

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Day 25

Time to start screwing with him for real.

I don’t think Dale likes my goats. Let him know what happens to goat-haters.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]

Subject: Re: Shipper’s information…please respond!!

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Hi Dale,

I deposited your check Friday. I tried to verify your agent and her address, prior to sending the Moneygram, and there is no such person at that address. That was alarming – I wouldn’t want you to get scammed. Is there any way we can verify if this person /company is real? I will hold onto your money until I get proof, just to be on the safe side.

I did go ahead and book the pet psychic, and she did a reading on both Ladykiller and Cupcake, bless her generous heart. It seems that Cupcake had a traumatic puppyhood. Cupcake told the psychic that he was abandoned by his mom – she wouldn’t feed him, so he was turned out with the dog breeder’s goat herd in the hope that one would take him in (remember that he’s a goat-guard). So he’s imprinted on goats. But it gets ugly – he was bullied by the billies, and secretly hates goats, and vowed revenge. I guess billy bullies are especially cruel. They would wait until he hunched up to take a dump and then one would charge him from behind, knowing full well that he couldn’t just pinch it off and run.

One would wedge Cupcake’s bum between its horns and push him around like a wheelbarrow, and poor Cupcake was unable to stop dropping turds. I guess they took bets on how long it would take Cupcake to empty out.

Anyway, enough about Cupcake. I am so grateful that you came along when you did that I decided to pay the favor forward. I have a friend in the shipping business who told me that he would be happy to do the shipping, and he would work you into his schedule because I spoke so highly of you. I’ll forward your email address to him, and you two can discuss the details. At least I know he’s legit. I hate the thought of a person as good as you getting taken advantage of.

Have an awesome weekend, and thanks again.

Lori

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Day 26

Got him a little worried, now.

Tell Dale that he doesn’t have to worry. His money is safe.

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Shipper’s information…please respond!!

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Lori,

I do not want you to involve any other shipper in this transaction as I want you to understand that I had an agreement with my shipper and would not want to breach the agreement in the contract so lets do it as they want everything done in order not to complicate issues.

I informed the shipper concerning what you mentioned in your email and was told that Wayne Hunter is out of the office due to vacation leave and the money must be sent to their head office in South Africa and then they will have one of their agents get in touch with you and set up best time and date with you for pick up.

(----Whoa! Good save there, Dale, but you forgot about Judith----Lori)

Below is the information the funds should be sent to via MoneyGram;

Name : TSUNDZUKANI KHOSA

Address : Unit 618 Sunset Hill

Maxwell dr. Mirand, 1685

Johannesburg, South Africa.

Once you have the money sent via MoneyGram, do email me all the MoneyGram details which will be needed for the collection of the money

I.e;

Sender’s name

Amount sent after MoneyGram fees

Reference#

(----Are you sure these are the details? Jesus – remind me again, will you?----Lori)

Once the funds is received, they will have their local agent to give you a call and also set up best time and date with you for pick up.

Thanks for your understanding and I await your response soon.

Dale.

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Not cool Dale. Let Dale know that he’s a moron.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]

Subject: Re: Shipper’s information…please respond!!

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Hi Dale,

This is a different name than the last email. Her name was Judith, and she was in California. What happened to her?? I’m really confused, now. This shipping company sounds very disorganized, always giving you different names to send the money to. I tried to verify this last person, and I’m still coming up empty handed. Please be careful – this bunch sounds very suspicious. I mean really, an agent in Kansas, California and South Africa? Aren’t you even a little concerned that you’re getting conflicting information? Have you even spoken to any of these people in person?

I can’t be coming off the mountain every day to try to send money to nonexistent people. This is costing me precious time and gas money. I NEED DEFINITE proof that these people exist, or for your sake, I will arrange shipping with my friend’s company.

I need a photo ID of WayneJudithTsundzukani with them holding it, andit must be legible in the photo , as well as a photo of WayneJudithTsundzukani holding a sign that reads “Hulle noem my Cupcake, en ek is ‘n boknaair”.

(----Thank you to my South African friend, Clint Sutton for the translation. The sign reads “Hello, my name is Cupcake, and I’m a goat-fucker.”----Lori)

This must be provided by tomorrow – Tuesday at the latest, or I’m going to make other arrangements to protect us both. In fact, I’m going to ask my pet psychic’s advice on this – I’m sure she could read people if she can read animals.

Also, why would your agent need to inspect your piece? Is (s)he familiar with waterfowl? Does (s)he know the difference between a blue winged teal and the very similar blue cloaca teal? Or is it that you don’t trust me? If, in fact, your agent can tell me the difference between the two species, I will release the piece.

Peace,

Lori

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: Shipper’s information…please respond!!

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Lori,

Stop being so reluctant as this is not a game or some child’s play okay. The shipper’s names exists as this is the people I have been dealing with and been using to move my stuff from one place to another for almost a decade now so stop making joke out of this.

(----Oh, this isn’t a joke, Dale?----Lori)

I trust them as this is the way I want everything done.

Go ahead and have the remaining money sent to Tsundzukani via moneygram as I mentioned in the previous email and I do not want you to tell me what shipper to use, who to trust or how things should be handled.

----A little testy, there, Dale?----Lori)

Once you have the funds sent to Tsundzukani, do get back to me with the moneygram details which will be needed for the collection of the money so I can have it forwadred to the shipper and they get in touch with you for pick up.

(---What were those details again?----Lori)

Dale.

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Day 27

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Lori Corbett <[email protected]> wrote:

Dale,

I’m not treating this as a joke. My concerns are legitimate. I need some sort of proof, and the photo will prove to me that this company is above board. The last thing I need is for them to be shady, and then you losing your money and blaming me.

No photo with sign, no MoneyGram. No telling me the difference between the two species of waterfowl, no pickup appointment. I’m a little insulted that the piece requires inspection in the first place.

It’s not like I’m gonna slip a different specie like a green rottenpecker in its place. These are simple requests – it’s not like I’m asking for the world, here. I will gladly send you pictures of the finished piece for YOUR inspection. As I mentioned several times, I live in a remote area that is difficult to give instructions to find. If you like the piece, I’ll send it directly.

All I ask is two little things. I’m under enough stress with my goats. Please don’t add to it – I know you’re a reasonable person.

While you’re at it, could you please say a small prayer for my little herd? My three dairy goats are in season, and when I turned Ladykiller into their pen, two of the does wouldn’t have a thing do do with him. I guess if I were a goat, I wouldn’t want anything to do with a one-horned, dog-fucking, diaper-wearing buck either. The one doe who IS interested, Ladykiller wants nothing to do with. I guess she’s the ugly one, or maybe her udder isn’t big enough for him.

I know you're a good person, so please tell me you’ll pray that everything will be OK. That’s so important for me right now.

I’ll be happy to send the MoneyGram once I have your prayers, and those two little items.

Looking forward to your response,

Lori

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Shaking in my shoes, now…

Honest! Feel free to send this fucktard an email

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: LOCAL AUTHORITIES!!!

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Hey Lori!

I spoke with my bank and I have been informed that the funds has been debited from my account and you have refused to have my shipper’s money sent to them.

(----Nice try, twat-waffle---- Lori)

My shipper has been waiting to receive the money from you so he can get in touch with you and set up best time and date with you for pick up.

I would appreciate if you get back to me and let me know when this transaction would come to an end.

(----Not too soon, I hope. Lori----)

If you don’t release my money with you and help me have it sent to my shipper as I mentioned in the previous email via MoneyGram and I don’t have a positive response from you within the next 24hours I think I might be forced to involve my attorney and the local authorities in this transaction and forward all your contact information I’m having with me and also forward a copy to my attorney so they can get in touch with you in case they have questions for you because this seem to me like you are trying to run away with my money and pull some scam.

----(Shit! That was all a single sentence!)----

Sincerely,

Dale.

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Day 28

So let’s see if I can soften him up a little, shall we?

Dale is scary. Send Dale an email and tell him he’s scary.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]

Subject: Re: LOCAL AUTHORITIES!!!

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Hey Dale!

On the contrary – all I ask is a photo with the sign to prove that the person I’m sending the money to is real. The other two weren’t, and that’s a lot of money to send with no conformation that the recipient is a living, breathing person, and not some scamming pig’s twat. I have a big wad of cash sitting in front of me right now just waiting.

That’s not so much to ask. I’m in tears because all I wanted to do was make you happy. I thought we were going to be friends, and now you’re mad at me. I was just trying to look out for us both. I’m sobbing so hard, I can barely type this. I hate losing friends. It’s been a long day, waiting for that photo. I thought that since we were going to be such good friends, you would accommodate my small request. I mean, I put so many long hours into finishing your carving, the least you could do for me was calm my anxiety and give me that small, but tangible proof. That’s what friends do, isn’t it? Watch out for each other?

I’m so upset that I had to take two Xanax just to answer your email.

I’m shaking, and I don’t know what to do. I almost sent your money today, but the MoneyGram agent was sending thoughts into my head not to do it until I knew for sure it was legit. That was scary, having someone I don't know in my head.

Oh hey! I have a great idea! I still have the shipping label from the check. This will make things so much easier! I’m going to box up your carving, and put the $3000.00 in with it, and send it directly to you! That will save having your agent making a trip to the MoneyGram place.

You could just send the money yourself. I’ll not declare the money, and call the carving a gift, so you won’t have to pay duty. I’ve shipped lots of stuff to Canada, so I know how that duty thing works. And you wouldn’t need to trouble your shipper to send me that photo. You may trust that company, but I don’t. I wouldn’t need to worry about anything going wrong that would make you mad at me again.

Would that make us friends again? Please say it would. I would tell the people in my head to make room for one more. You’d like being my friend, and they would enjoy you, too.

I’m going to bed, now. I feel better.

Lori

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Day 29

I got another check from Dumbass today! Overnight – from Canada. He needs to keep better records. Dipshit is gonna spend all his profits fucking up.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]

Subject: What’s the Deal?

To: [email protected]

Dale,

I haven’t heard back from you since I answered your last email, and I’m sitting here with a bunch of cash. I suggested that I could pack up both the bird and the money and send it to you at the address I have for you in Canada. I’ve attached a photo for you to prove I have your cash.

Now, despite your email threatening to turn me into the authorities and your attorney, I believe you are a reasonable person, and you really want to be my friend. How do I know this? Is because I received another check from you yesterday! THANK YOU!! That was so generous of you to send me another $7800.00! Is it because you felt so bad for making me cry? If you were closer, I would give you a big hug.

All my friends in my head agree that they would like to be your friend, too. But they are arguing whether or not I should send the $3000.00 until I get proof of identity. There’s one big bruiser of a woman in my head who makes me run into the wall over and over again until she gets her way. So please, Dale, now that we’re friends again –

SEND LORI A PHOTO HOLDING THE SIGN THAT SAYS: “HULLE NOEM MY CUPCAKE, EN EK IS ‘N BOKNAAIR” OR I’LL BASH HER SENSELESS AND SPEND YOUR MONEY.

Oh, gods, sorry about that – that was The Bruiser talking. I really

want to send you the money, but I need proof. Please? I’m asking nicely.

I’m getting really nervous with all this cash in the house.

Please respond soon.

Your friend(s),

Lori

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Day 31

I wonder what he’ll say?

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Dale Godfrey <[email protected]> wrote:

FUCK YOU!! ----(oh-wasn't expecting that)----

Good day to you

----(AH hahahah! Well, good day to you, too, Dale)----

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That was original.

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From: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: PLEASE RESPOND

To: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

NO!!

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From: Dale Godfrey <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: PLEASE RESPOND

To: Lori Corbett <[email protected]>

FUCK YOU STILL!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Well, I guess our little relationship is over.