Romeo's Exhausting Triathlon For Juliet Ends In Vomiting

While the prairie landscape remains the same, other things take hold of Little Romeo's brain. Textures worn. Dark and light. I'm barely able to make it through the nights.

Scene 1

I'd enter Grade 11 with my best friend, Spenny, pissed at me. He'd thrown a party the weekend before school that I'd had to sneak out for. There weren't many rules. His main one was not to "make coffee" in his bed. That seemed pretty reasonable for the amount of destruction I'd witness.

I arrived irked as he was already 3 sheets to the wind and passed out. He said I didn't have to worry about beer, but it seemed wrong for me to show up and not reconfirm. A mutual friend eventually convinced me that if he'd offered before the party, it was still alright.

Like most places, I only stuck out like a sore thumb, trying to fit into scenes I'd never fit. I'd almost lost my virginity, which led to a rumour. Someone had "made coffee" in Kenny's bed, and he heard that I lost my virginity. I'd try to convince him that I was still "Turgeon the Virgin", but it would take me nearly until I actually lost it for him to believe me. Instead, my best friend only joined a long list of people that weren't believing me about anything.

Grade 11 was different than other years; I was truly upset to have to go back. That feeling didn't take a week to sink in and I'd realize nothing was going to change. I still wanted to be a Microbiologist and now cure cancer, but my faith on my ability was waning. To take spares or not to? Originally I'd worked hard for extra credits hoping to get out early.

I opted for no spares and extra science classes not required for University. I hoped that while I might not have the same marks I had in Grade 8, maybe the extra sciences would show something on my transcript.

I'll skip the other formalities as nothing changed; my bullies were still in my homeroom and classes. I'd continue to try and find positives, but they were vastly lacking. My locker changed position again, but at least some constants were positive. This would be the third year in a row I had a locker by the same person. She became: Locker Buddy.

I grabbed my binder the first day and headed off to class. I turned the corner, and there stood a Little-Tall girl. She was looking at me and smiling when I noticed and time started to do it's weird thing. I forgot all about Locker Buddy and smiled widely as I ran to Juliet. She turned out to have a locker close to mine! What a blessing! I wasn't going to have to traverse the halls to see her!

She said we'd catch up later and I started chasing her again before I'd even realize. She walked to class, and I stood there processing with my Classic Look of Disdain. I realized I'd accomplished my goal that summer; to block out a girl I couldn't chase. Yet, somehow, it didn't feel like two months had passed. It seemed like just yesterday I'd seen her and given her an ultimatum. All she had to do was smile, and I forgave her for ruining my vibrant summer plans.

Well... Here we go again... I thought, really having no choice. After a long water break, I started the running portion of the triathlon. It might be more successful if Juliet still isn't getting the wrong impression from a weird boy rocking a Playboy T-shirt. The shirt gave Little Romeo tonnes of confidence, while we'd all laugh at the prospect that I could be a player. I couldn't picture a reality where people would want to see me naked and watching me perform in unsightly productions.

As the year began, we were all destined to become one of three things online: A farmer, mafia overlord, or a pirate once it was realized Facebook language settings could be changed to such.

Scene 2

By the end of the first month, I was already exhausted with both the running portion, and life. I was losing, at this point, mostly just my mind. Endless cycles I'd end up in with two girls. It felt like two steps forward, one step back with Juliet. She invited me to a Roughrider football game and I'd nag if we could call it our first official date. She'd say we couldn't, because she was still with Paris. The story of my high school life so far.

Her parents didn't like me and Juliet couldn't offer up the reason why. I couldn't understand why everyone liked the guy who beat up and made Juliet cry. I just wanted to study tiny microbes and make Juliet smile. Her parents secretly gave the tickets to Paris and Juliet looked sad enough about it that I gave her the benefit of the doubt, as Little Romeo always did. But I told her I was done running in place. I knew I was different and only yearned to be normal. Nothing about anything was normal.

Rose was now single, telling me she was done with her on again, off again relationship with Thanatos. We'd tried this dance a couple times before, Rose's elegant form of old English love-letter writing captured my heart while also confusing me. I'd wonder if I felt 'bigger' than normal people. I didn't talk or write for the sake of it, it always had some meaning, and so Rose's writing would only become untrustworthy.

Was I simply a therapist to girls? She'd tell me her life was always crashing down around her, something people would often lament while I'd be screaming that mine really was, that I simply wasn't living in a swamp of teenage angst. I'd wonder why she didn't want our worlds to crash down around us, so we could build a better foundation together.

I decided that although Rose didn't have magical powers like Juliet did, I would take my chance in hopes of something normal, and that maybe Rose could learn to create magic. I hadn't checked off a single romantic experience in high school that was meaningful. No school dances. No special occasions. She was smart and would hopefully provide the calm in my chaotic storm. I looked on course for a steady relationship.

Since I'd committed, that only meant I couldn't chase unavailable Little-Tall girls anymore. Juliet asked why I was being distant, and I told her I'd entered a relationship. She made a scene in the halls about it. I made enough scenes, I didn't need Juliet adding to them. I screamed, asking what she wanted from me. Was it my soul?

She seemed to have spent the last year telling me I had commitment issues, only to get mad once I committed to someone else. Juliet informed Little Romeo that she'd planned to break up with Paris that very night, if not for me. I'd only heard that line a bakers' dozen times before, the dough never rose to the occasion. She'd say she didn't like doing the breaking up.

But Rose was not some side hustle. We'd started formulating plans for romantic movies we wanted to watch. She wanted to watch something about 27 Dresses, and I wanted to watch a movie that had just come out called "PS: I Love You", having been a hopeless romantic. We both loved musicals and were involved in Drama.

I asked for her middle name, an indication that I was taking things seriously, since names were hard for me to remember. I'd only want to be honest, and told Rose what had happened at school. Next thing I knew, she had a coffee date with Thanatos, and mentioned another guy I'd never heard about.

I looked confused since she'd started calling me "love", which seemed like a title one shouldn't just throw around. She'd said once that, "girls aren't interested in things until they're gone,". It seemed like both these girls just wanted to bottle up my romantic essence and stick it in their other boys, while getting mad when I did try to leave. It only added to my perception that I was 'less-than'.

I threw my hands up and told Rose we might be taking this too fast. She agreed. At least I could tell the girl with magical powers I was available again! Except I only got what could be expected. I told her I was single, and she informed me that she was back with Paris, reminding me it was because I'd gotten into a relationship.

Scene 3

The first pep rally came and I was long good on them. I'd grown to hate the school with a passion. I'd stopped buying yearbooks entirely because I somehow wasn't in most of the pictures for groups I was in. I also had to fight with my parents just to get the money for my Grade 9 yearbook.

Instead of attending the pep rally, I joined that other group of kids, the ones that didn't attend. I went out for a smoke with Milli at the smokers' pit and someone announced they were lighting up a joint. When it came around, they asked if I wanted a hit, but I turned it down.

It flew around like a paper airplane while I contemplated it. It came back with the same question aboard and added peer pressure. I battled with it, not wanting anymore reasons to be in trouble, but I started thinking about what Mother Teresa had told me about it and that conflicted with what I witnessed. One hoot wouldn't hurt.

I took the joint and inhaled it, not feeling much. I wanted to make sure I got the full effects this time, so I accepted a second offering. Everything that shouldn't have been funny, was now hilarious. I'd even laugh at the fact that I was laughing at what should be stupid. I tried to understand what Mother Teresa had been talking about, as all I'd done was smoke herbs, eat simulated cheese puffs, and laughed about laughing. Seemed harmless.

Scene 4

There were many mornings that Little Romeo would arise and roll up fake sleeves in my mind. I'd prepare myself to really give a Little-Tall girl a piece of my mind! I'd stew in it all the way to school, but as soon as I'd walk down the halls and see Juliet's back, time only did its weird thing. Juliet would twirl around with a smile and Little Romeo would turn to mush, trying to sneak in a hug. I'd look at her with stars in my eyes and forget everything I'd planned to say. How could I be mad at that smile?

I only became more depressed each day holding everything in. Over half of high school done, and not much to show for it.

"Paris gets worried when I'm with you," she'd say like I hadn't spent eternity blocking out what they did at night. A Jackie Chan meme might become very appropriate for this girl, or perhaps I should change her name to "Linda" since she just needed to listen. By now I should have dated the fridge at home! At least I'd only have to open it up to see what it really had to offer.

"He doesn't like you because he lost you to me," she'd say, still dating the guy I'd apparently won her over.

"If he lost you... then you'd be with me right now!" I exclaimed.

"I guess..."

I guess?! I GUESS?! Yeah... I guess... Our late-night conversations started to extend beyond two hours. I'd be amazed at these things Juliet was capable of making me do. I couldn't remember what we'd even talked about or where I'd found the words. Her voice brought a calm over Little Romeo, who reasoned it was equally as beautiful as some of the music I'd heard. We'd start arguing about who'd hang up first, and Little Romeo would respond, "I just want to fall asleep to your voice..."

Juliet was going to be at the parent-teacher conferences although I figured she didn't need to go. My parents always insisted they go and find out what their Little Shit was doing now. I hoped if Juliet's parents met mine, their attitudes might change. But her mother only remained stark as Juliet profusely apologized after for her mothers' actions. Mother Teresa insisted it wasn't her fault.

We conversed before Juliet walked away to find her parents. I stared at her with my drooping Morty face and smiled at her grace. "Wow, she's very pretty," Mother Teresa proclaimed.

But Little Romeo couldn't be moved looking at Juliet, "Yeah... I know..." I said day-dreaming.

I'd confirm later that we were still hanging out the next day, Tuesday. "Tuesday? I thought I said Thursday? We have Friday off so I could stay out later," she said. But staying out later wasn't the issue, it was the ability to even hang out with her in the first place.

"How about both days?!" I gasped, grasping at straws.

"Well, I promised Paris I'd go to two of his hockey games,"

Not one, but two! I bit my tongue as it started to bleed, inches away from telling her to go back to dating him if she wanted to see him more. But I reasoned threatening Juliet would only encourage her to do such. I still managed to screw up some other way and she went to a party with Paris that weekend instead.

I followed suit! I had no pulls and resorted to an old, opened bottle of Crown Royal I'd found in G-Ma's basement. I heard that alcohol got better with age! This bottle only had me puking in a ditch after the first swig. Kenny showed up to the party, saying I looked like absolute shit, offering to take me away.

Scene 5

I thought things couldn't get any worse, but next, Juliet and I became related. She laughed at the prospect while I continued to lose my mind. How did everyone know all this stuff?! After a year, how were we only now finding out we might be related. That was my next way out for sure. It didn't matter how much I knew I loved a girl; I wasn't dating family.

I asked Mother Teresa and after she thought about it, she said that it could very well be possible. Probably second or third cousins at most. That's what Juliet had said! That still seemed too close! Juliet would convince me we probably weren't, but these instances combined didn't stop me from falling apart none-the-less.

Now Paris was threatening to beat up little nerdy sad weird boys if Juliet wouldn't take her lunches with him. I tried standing up for myself, but only made her upset in the process. She'd once laughed as a stubborn Little Romeo informed her I'd beat the crap out of Paris. Now she said she didn't want me to act like him. I couldn't tell what she wanted me to act like.

My ability to get out of bed in the morning was waning and she'd only take my absences as indications that I was mad. We took so many turns being mad, or thinking the other was, we probably should have just dated by now. But I started to get mad enough to make her cry after confrontations. I'd never want to and only further lost my ability to know what to do. The only time I seemed to get through to Juliet now, was when I'd make her cry.

We were scheduled to hang out one night, but she hadn't even asked her mother as the time approached, the person who held all the power. I'd assumed we were good to go. I got mad trying to understand why she'd waited so long. If she asked earlier and got a "no", I wouldn't have to wait as long for the same answer. She figured I was mad at her and went to hang out with her best-friend-next-door instead. I sat there and wondered where the manual for Juliet was. We both spoke English, but somehow still got lost in translation.

School was no-less a mess. Physics turned out to be math hidden under the veil of science. I dropped the sixth period class in favour of working, my parents now nagging me to get a job. When I got my last job, Mother Teresa had said no, saying I needed to focus on school. I wasn't sure how she didn't see my life wasn't chaotic enough. But I wanted to work and wanted money. I reasoned I needed that car to win Juliet's heart.

I started work on the tip of the city where a new Tim Hortons had been built. It was still a decent drive from the out-of-district school so my options for rides were limited having no vehicle or license. I'd be grateful when another kid from school, Walnut, would drive me, otherwise I'd have to rely on my cousin. She overcharged for gas, but at least pulled my smokes and alcohol. I prayed for the day I could drive myself.

I took up position at the drive thru window, letting people know we were the newest location, "Good evening and welcome to the new Prince of Wales Tim Hortons. My names Romeo, how may I be of service?" I wanted to drag it out, while being too nice for anyone to complain.

I liked the work but only started a long string of management I wouldn't get along with. She'd tell me to shave my barely visible peach fuzz and expected it done every second day. I told her that wouldn't work with this weird boy. I walked in for a shift, and hadn't made it past the front counter; she was waiting for me.

She told me and my peach fuzz to wait there, coming back with a disposable razor and can of shaving cream. She threw them at me and the can fell as I flinched trying to catch them, having not expected her to actually throw them at me. She said I wasn't allowed to clock in until I shaved and made me do it at the front sink in front of customers. I was embarrassed.

It would only add to my general confusion. I'd do the most work while getting the most flak. I'd encourage others to work, insisting it made shifts go by faster. The location wasn't getting enough overnight service though, so they started closing down for nights. I was already working full time and now I'd get an extra hour of overtime each day to get it shut down.

I'd bring homework that was in high demand, but my breaks were mostly reserved for smoking, unwinding, and my free Chocolate Glazed donut! I'd saved up over $1000 and that was something. Cash burnt holes in my pockets. I wanted everything, and I wanted it when I wanted it. Montague tried to explain the difference between what you wanted, and what you needed. It didn't make much sense, but assumed I'd gotten it right in wanting a beater over the sports cars I'd dreamed of.

I couldn't get my license for a couple more weeks, but that money was red hot. I worried I might waste if on something useless instead of Juliet. I went to Montague, hoping we could talk like we had about the half naked girls on my wall. I told him he could keep the keys until I got my license and reminded him of my terrible spending habits.

Instead, he told me about how his sister had saved up for a Camero SS as her first car. He said I'd be much happier if I saved up for something, or built one myself. I hated fixing cars, let alone building them! I only continued to hear that I was supposed to be living other people's lives, not my own.

Everything only continued contradicting itself, like how he'd told me those differences between wants and needs. Other adults had also said to purchase something you didn't mind damaging for your first car.

Instead of buying $1000 beater, I bought an ounce of pot from the night time baker who I used to go to school with. Now I smelt like teen spirit and marijuana mixed in with absurd amounts of axe. I continued to lose my mind, but got my license on the first try two weeks later. At least I had something to brag about, although I now had a ziploc bag of weed instead of a car to drive.

Scene 6

Hearing that Juliet wasn't any good for hopeless romantic boys wasn't heeded and I became a new breed of dog; a lap dog.

Up until high school, I'd long been known as teachers' pet and a brown noser. The two in conjunction seemed to indicate I was a dog. Now I'd only found a new reason to be called a dog. It wore down a boy who really just wanted to be a man.

I started smoking pot daily but always needed a reason to do something that seemed wrong. I'd hoped that something might click with my parents and they might finally let me go to a city school. But I'd also found it slowed down my brain, most noticeably at night when confronting that movie-like reel. Instead of thousands of memories racing by, it slowed it down so I could focus and deal with a few at a time. The pots dopey effects in-line with being able to confront the problem often made me tired.

It even had benefits at school, much like stealing had in elementary; I'd gained some right of passage. My bullies mostly diminished, except for a group off Juliet's bus. One of my regulars had stopped me to lay a verbal assault before being stopped by another boy, "Whooooa! Didn't you know? Romeo smokes pot! He's cool now!"

I grew my Classic Look of Disdain confronted with usual conflicts. I wasn't smoking pot to be cool, nor did I feel cool. But if that's all it took...

This school only required the students to write finals for core classes, electives only came with a final assignment. Our Creative Writing final assignment started early and was to fill a portfolio full of different kinds of writing. The teacher encouraged us to go out into the world and get inspired! We'd find our inspiration at the end of a joint.

I'd go to math class blazed but be too burnt out for Biology in third. I'd walk in while Kilo would laugh each morning and ask if I was high again. Our other friends smoked pot, why did everyone find it so funny that I did? Getting high became a daily occurrence so I didn't understand the shock factor.

He'd say that I was addicted to Marijuana while telling me you couldn't get addicted to something like World of Warcraft. I'd point out to him that it was the apparent addict who was lending him money to pay for his monthly subscription to kill boars.

Biology was supposed to be my class, the only one I'd really looked forward to although it lacked the micro tag. I quickly grew bored of learning about food webs. I quickly got the point; Everything eats shit to survive. I'd sleep through class, recharging my battery for the afternoon and whatever confrontation lay ahead with Juliet.

I was finding surmounting evidence Little Romeo was a "weird boy", but what was a "weird boy"? I'd start to describe my brain as being wired differently and wished I could plug people into my mainframe and vice versa. I'd start relying heavily on pop culture. Where my language would fail, pop culture references only stuck. I'd only assumed people had known I was pulling my language out of TV and Movies.

Scene 7

Juliet went to another party with Paris as winter approached so I went to a friends' birthday party. Mother Teresa let me take the van and Marge was going to be there. She was growing a rebellious nature unto her family customs. I'd told her she was missing out on the best parts of love; the innocent stage.

I sat beside her and she flirted for once. I asked to hold her hand. We became giddy kids and I didn't want to disrupt the movie. I asked if she'd like to go for a walk. The idea was good, but the night was cold and windy. We didn't make it far before we opted to double back.

We stopped beside my parents' van. Marge was biting her lip and I figured she wanted to kiss. Our first one after a whole lot of years. I didn't want to move to fast for her, and asked to make sure. She nodded. I went in most of the way, and she followed the rest. We locked lips and than I stopped, taken back by a smell. My brain screamed, wondering why the majority of girls I kissed had this odor.

We looked at each other awkwardly, me having felt like I kissed my cousin. I wasn't sure how to proceed, so we went back to watch the movie like nothing happened. I only turned out to be in a triangle with Marge anyways. 100% of my relationships, at the very least, started as one.

She'd only started considering the idea of dating. I was surprised to find out she was kissing other boys too. It wasn't a jealousy thing, just more reasons to leave me confused.

Scene 8

Rules only started to make less sense. Stabbing someone was definitely wrong, but social rules seemed to come in different varieties. I'd start polls in my head and popular opinion ruled. One poll was out; if I smoked pot alone, I was addicted. The solution was easy; don't smoke alone.

It came with it's own consequences. I had to supply more pot and hang out with shady characters I wouldn't have otherwise. Those groups tended to lead to trouble.

Mother Teresa started noticing that I was usually asleep by the time she got home from work. I was addicted now because it was no longer just a social thing. Smoking with people not to be addicted seemed like a social thing. I'd ask for the definition, but she wouldn't have the answer.

Costs only went up every time paraphernalia was confiscated. Mother Teresa would insist I was wasting my money, and I'd ask her not to take $110 worth of stuff from me. It was either smoking out of a glass pipe, or apparently getting potential Alzheimer's from smoking out of can pipes.

Once she found it in the house, she said that I couldn't have it IN the house because of Tiny Hannah. That made sense to Little Romeo who loved my sister dearly. Although I did reason she would grow to respect and stay out of her big brother's room. The next solution was equally as logical as any; hide my pot outside.

Montague found it and Mother Teresa got mad, stating she told me no pot AT the house. I insisted that she'd only said IN, but she would insist Little Romeo was mistaken, only raising my levels of general mass confusion. Did she want me to hide it across the street at the park where a bunch of other kids might find it? The reality of a boy trying to talk in an adult manner about a substance I'd been using to slow down my brain.

I had taken Journalism class, and had a project to interview an Olympic athlete who the school was bringing in. I wanted to do it professionally; by having a tape recorder. I also reasoned I could use the recorder to catch my parents forgetting what they were saying. But life was too hectic as all these things played out simultaneously. I couldn't grasp them like I could writing it as an adult. I reasoned I'd never know when Mother Teresa would say something she'd later forget. If I didn't have regular time, I definitely didn't have time to scrub through 24 hours of recordings.

I told Mother Teresa about the move-like reel that played in my head, but she only took it as her unique boys' imagination. I'd posted on social media that "I must be the most depressed boy...". Who can one talk to in Grade 11, if not your own parents? By November, my bedroom had become my fortress of solitude, and my bed, my sanctuary.

Scene 9

The tables had turned and it was now Paris who was in Juliet's bad books. Weird Little Romeo started literally skipping down the halls towards the end of November. I was convinced that Juliet was finally going to date me, but I wouldn't admit it, I didn't want to jinx it. Her best friend-next-door walked in front of me and I bumped into him, being in my own world.

"Oh hey!" I said. He didn't seem to like me, but I'd try hard with anyone that mattered to Juliet.

"What do you even see in Juliet? She's not even that good looking or anything..." he said and I snapped back to reality. That didn't make any sense! How could he be putting her down like that?! They'd dated once. Why was I the only guy that appeared to be chasing her? What did everyone know that I didn't? This was Miss Universe!

"What are you talking about?!" I said with a huge smile, "She's the most beautiful girl in the world!"

Now it was him that looked confused, "Okay... Whatever you say..." and he stepped aside.

I processed with my Classic Look of Disdain and reasoned this was something Juliet ought to know. That I thought she was beautiful for reasons I couldn't understand. But she was busy writing a test so I only found Grumpy Greta who started inquiring on Rose. Everyone was curious today, but there was never much to say about Rose.

"Is she hot?" Grumpy Greta asked.

The gears started turning in my head, "Well... Yes..." I said, thinking, treading lightly.

"Who's hotter?"

Uh-oh. My logic mainframe had question marks flying everywhere. I reasoned that I didn't like the terms 'hot' or 'sexy' for Juliet. There were far better words that felt less demeaning. Instead, I put Juliet's friend in my brainscape and let him choose who was hotter. He chose Rose for all the stereotypical reasons I'd become aware of.

"Uh... Rose?" I said confused, "But I think Juliet is beautiful for a whole bunch of different reasons! She beats the hotness of any girl," but that did not go over well. All Juliet heard from Grumpy Greta was that I thought other girls were hotter. I received my usual lashing and she informed me that she'd been close to dating me had I not screwed it up, walking away without an opportunity for Little Romeo to explain.

As soon as I'd see the finish line, it disappeared. I threw my hands up, but not before I got two packs of premium smokes! I was hanging out with Spenny in our usual spot; a field in the trailer court. I caught him up to speed.

"She's no good man. She's just stringing you along,"

"Well shit... You got an extra smoke?" I asked.

But he could do me one better, "How about two packs of Export A Blue?" but I knew nothing in life came for free, "You just have to call her up, right here, right now, and tell her you can't do this anymore,"

I didn't want to hurt Juliet, but she seemed ill conceived about my feelings. I didn't ask for a fine agreement, figuring he was just looking for a spot of entertainment. I wasn't sure I could follow through. "No thinking, just do it," he said.

I first texted to make sure she was available. Then I called and told her I couldn't do it anymore. She said, "Okay..." but I could hear her holding back tears and it made me want to cry. If she could cry for me, why wouldn't she communicate her feelings better? I said I had to go and hung up.

I got the smokes, but they didn't last long.

Scene 10

And I continued losing it, most often my things. I'd forgotten my keys shortly after and just wanted in my room, the only place I had to escape. The house was locked down tight and I couldn't find an easy way in. I inspected an old, basement window under the deck.

I'd hoped I could pry it open enough to reach my tiny hands in and grab the level. The window only smashed upon force as I shouted out to the world. I called Mother Teresa immediately who tried to remain as calm as someone could with an erratic kid such as myself.

I'd already grown a fair share of material things I owed people and my two smoking habits weren't cheap. Somehow, in the course of one month, I'd gone from having been able to buy a vehicle, to being dead broke and owing my parents $2000 nearing the end of semester 1 of Grade 11.

Scene 11

All I wanted for Christmas was Juliet and I told her that, but now Paris' was using suicide as a form of abuse. I told Juliet that it wasn't fair to either of us. Her for the obvious reasons, and me because I wondered if he really was, which I didn't think was fair to me. I was expected to be strong. I was only adding to the confusion of what I was allowed to talk about.

She inquired on an absence from school one day and if I was alright.

"Hun, I haven't been alright in a long while..." I sent her.

As Christmas approached, it was clear she wasn't breaking up with him and I just wanted someone special to celebrate Christmas with. Time was of the essence, and I was only heading into semester two without anything positive to show for it.

I decided to give Rose another chance, and she was adamant that there wasn't any other guys except me. Except she'd told me that three times before, and each time turned out to be a farce. We started dating shortly before Christmas and then she informed me that she was leaving for Quebec for 3 months.

I'd tried the distance thing and it was too much. She'd try to assure me no suave French guys would sweep her off her feet, but three months seemed like an awful long time for that to happen at this point of what I'd known about love. I knew I'd be a mess if I invested in a romantic Christmas and than she vacated after. Uncertainty; it became something I couldn't battle with.

I approached with logic, knowing that even when we did get close, she never managed to see me alone. Quite like a girl had asked me, I asked how often I'd even get to see her between now and when she left. Rose said, "Maybe we are taking this too fast again," as I rolled my eyes. All I could gather from that statement, was that neither of these girls could figure out a middle ground, yet no one would spell out the problem.

Mother Teresa was on my case about an $80 tow truck for the van, which was all my chequeing account contained. Montague was also mad that I hadn't thanked him for coming to get me. But my reality was different, so I never understood why he wanted me to thank him for my wrecking the vehicle. Initially I'd been excited about how much I could work and still get school done. Now it was only the opposite. I was overworked, found myself broke, dealing with the same manager, still paying my way just to get to work. Reality was only clear; the only way out of debt was to continue to work.

Scene 11

Due to my reliance on my cousin, I'd soon be introduced to hood parties. My cousin would ask me to babysit a lot, and I'd see much of the darker side of society. She asked if I could watch her child on New Years Eve. I told her I couldn't, having formed my own plans and reasoning I needed to let loose and have a vacation from life.

She made the offer too juicy: after her kid went to bed, I could party with the adults. She'd buy me smokes, alcohol, and still pay me for babysitting. It sounded good to me, but I was in for a shock. While I babysat the kids, I also seemed to be babysitting adults.

All the kids fell asleep in the living room while their parents did drugs in the kitchen. I was studying and while they accepted me, I couldn't see where I fit in. A fight started over one girl which got the police involved. They informed us if they had to come back, they'd be shutting it down. I spent most of the night listening to different girls tell me how terrible their boyfriends were.

I'd reasoned I could have lost my virginity if I pulled out suave Romeo, but was always that boy with too big of a heart and wouldn't take advantage of my situation, even if one told me she'd rock my world while crying on my shoulder. Instead, I got drunk and hung out in a car, not caring to witness much of the party after a certain point. It was just morality central and I was confused as always.

I'd given up on most things by the time school started up again after the winter break, even asking to switch schools. I prayed on a miracle. There was only a year and half left before I'd rid myself of these idiots. But I was about to make my biggest mistake yet.

A girl had been hard enough to understand before. Now she told me that she'd been so worried about my state, she had to call her mom to come get her from school. I reasoned that only meant parents who already hated me, weren't garnering any more reasons to like me. I got excited because I gained an inference that Juliet actually cared. I was more confused because she seemingly was interested in big boys that hit her, abused her, and made her cry. Now she was more interested in boys that got really high and puked all over the school. Could I just be a nerd and Microbiologist?

I never really knew how the whole thing went down. I'd get the entire blame, and it would go around that I ratted on everyone. Over the course of a few years and intuitive reporting, I'd find out that everyone had ratted on everyone. Like most things, it was much easier to pin it on me. I only had to attend community service with Koki. Either they split us up, or only us two received the harsher punishment.

Washing down library shelves, Koki, my guru, started to get real with me. I spell out my life and she says, "Little Romeo, you're growing up too fast. Slow down, be a kid awhile,"

"I have to grow up..." I said, and my brain pattern shifting, a goal now just to escape high school, "This place is destroying me, Koki... but if I can make it on the outside world... I know I'm going to do something big..."