Relationships: The XY-Axis

Every relationship I have been in has eventually become disappointing.

They didn't start out that way of course.

I always thought they would improve and progress this way...

...but as time progressed, the relationship regressed and ended up like this:

Now the first time this happened, I simply concluded that it was my partner who sabotaged the relationship... or... it was simply not meant to be.

I persisted on holding onto this conclusion after the second relationship failed... yes, I'm a slow learner.

After many years and many carbon copy relationship results, I am finally coming around to one of two conclusions:

1. I'm not capable of having a relationship or...
2. Most relationships are doomed because we are not built to endure long-term romantic connections.

In fact, taking a minute to look at these two reasons, I realize that they are one: I'm not capable of having a long-term relationship because I'm not built that way.

But... some people are.

I recently met a couple who have been together for 46 years. I was startled when they told me that because they both looked too young to have been together that long and… the real reason I was startled:

Because they interacted like a couple that has been together for only a short period of time.

I must admit I was somewhat jealous.

I both admired what they had accomplished and regretted the fact that I had not, and never will, experience that (logistically at my age it would also be impossible).

Why would I wish to experience a 46-year relationship?

Well, I suppose it would mean I was in some complete way satisfied with the arrangement. I would most likely feel whole—no missing parts—no looking on the other side of the fence.

Or would it?

Would surviving a long-term relationship mean I had compromised my true self to the point that there was no longer a true self?

Would it mean I had the ability to ignore the inner naggings... to ignore the feelings of being incomplete?

Perhaps those nagging feelings were a result of my insecurities/complexes and not related to the relationship???

Perhaps my inability to maintain a relationship is a result of me not being a whole person?

I’d better do some checking…

In her post, Here’s The Heartbreaking Truth To Feeling ‘Whole’, Lauren Hall refers to attempts to achieve the feeling of being ‘whole’ as "brutal and awful and scary and intense."

Lauren claims, "There isn’t even a definition…" of a ‘whole’ person.

Wow! I reach for the remote—this certainly is not an incentive to attempt whole person development.

However, perhaps there is a definition… I scrounge around the internet and find one.

Bloom Leadership defines Whole Person Development as:

"… nurturing all the different components that make a person who they are: emotional intelligence, physical, spiritual, social, psychological, and professional. Understanding each aspect of ourselves is the key to success at work, at home, and in our overall lives."

I read the short article and quickly determine it is rather superficial.

"Understanding each aspect…"—how could I possibly do that?

First, I would need to know what each component involves (another set of definitions) and then I would have to be capable of self-analyzing to know if I was deficient in some way—or not.

This article only touches briefly on the physical and mental components and here are the kickers:

1. "It can take years to reach a place of positive mind-body balance and physical wellness."
2. "Just remember to be patient and to listen to your body."

Not exactly chicken soup for the soul.

I’ve been listening to myself for years… this is why I’m messed up.

I need to reset my thinking…but that will take some time and I don’t know if I have the will or the fortitude.

Who knows?

For me the reality of a long-term relationship is purely theoretical... a fantasy... unrelated to reality.

Perhaps I should leave it at that?