Relationship Entanglements

So, I met this guy on Instagram. First of all, this is totally out of character for me. I usually delete all advances, but when I got to this one something said to engage him. He said hello. I responded in kind. A conversation began to flow and I found he was easy to talk to. He let me know right away that he is a widower. I am a widow so this is something we have in common. We began corresponding daily, covering a gamut of topics, learning new things about each other. You know, the typical things you want to know about someone: job, home, family, goals, aspirations. We found out we are both believers in God through Jesus Christ, so that was definitely a plus for me. That was something I needed to know early on in this conversation process because it was futile to continue the conversation if this was not a mutual part of our lives. We learned that we live in the same state, but different cities. Pretty soon we exchanged telephone numbers and began communicating by text. We had a couple of phone conversations, but for the most part texting was our conversation mode of choice. When I would awaken each day I would have a beautiful poetic word from him speaking about how beautiful I am or perhaps a scripture or just some word of wisdom. He really began to flatter me with these words and I got to the place where I was looking forward to them every morning.

He began talking about being lonely and wanting to be married again. I have always wanted to be married again as well, but my life is complete, joyful, and full without a husband. I have not been in pursuit or on the hunt for a man. I decided that if I did get married again, the man would definitely have to find me. He began to tell me that he loved me, and I must admit I had begun to feel something for him as well. I told him, 'do not play with my heart.' He assured me he was not. We decided that in order for this relationship to go any further we would have to meet, of course. So, he made arrangements to come and meet me in my city. The week before he was coming he sent me flowers. I, of course had been praying because I needed to know if this was God's will for my life. We already had an agenda for what we would do for the weekend. He asked me to find him a hotel close to where I live and said he would make reservations for himself. He asked me to find us a nice restaurant where we would meet that Friday night. I was truly excited and looking forward to meeting him.

He owns his own company and had put in a bid for a contract. Mid-week he texts me extremely excited because he got the contract. He wanted to send me a picture of it so I could see what all it entailed. The contract required him to go to Dubai and he would have to leave the weekend he was supposed to be coming here.

I said, "So what does this entail?"

He said, "You need to read the contract."

I said, "I did, but I'm asking you a question. So does that mean you won't be coming here that weekend?"

He tried to evade the question but eventually had to answer, "Yes."

I said, "Well that's great. I'm happy for you, but in order to have a relationship you have to get to know a person and that can truly only be done in person."

He was trying to move the relationship at a fast pace, but I told him I cannot commit to someone I don't even know. Words are nice to a point, but love is an action word. You're going to have to put action to what you're saying.

So, what this all boils down to is he's saying he loves me and wants to marry me, but he wants me to hold on to idle words from a man I don't really know and commit myself to him while he's in Dubai. Oh, and by the way this contract is for 32 weeks (eight months). I told him I'm not going to be waiting around for him for eight months. He gave me a specific date by when he would like for us to get married. I said in order to do that we're going to have to know each other and that's going to require you coming back to the States from Dubai often. He keeps going round the mulberry bush with empty "maybes" and "probablys." This is not acceptable for me.

He has set a definite date a month from now for when he's coming back to the States to meet me for the first time. Because it was like pulling teeth to get him to set that date, I'll believe it when I see it. I am carrying on with my life from this point forward and we will see what the future holds. Waiting for a man I have never laid eyes on is not something I am willing to do. So at this point, I'm not going to hold. I'm going to fold. Life is too short to get caught up in an emotional fantasy.