Dating: Do's & Don'ts
Dating: Do's & Don'ts

Rejection and Consent

.... but am I wrong?

Rejection and Consent

Lately I've been noticing the difference when women get rejected, as opposed to men getting rejected. Although the women opinion is really just my own opinion, but I'm always wanting to read other peoples points of views and comments. :)

So, I've always been a firm believer that if you're not interested in someone, you should just be honest and say it and tell that person. However lately, I'm starting to realize why people get ghosted and why people just don't respond at all. It's not a matter of trying to spare someone's feelings, but it's more of the fact that sometimes, even telling someone no, just pushes them to try to convince you otherwise. Over the last year I've probably told.. 40-50 different men that I wasn't interested in being physical with them. (The number probably would have been higher if I wasn't in a relationship and didn't delete the few dating accounts I had) And out of that amount, about 50% took me saying that, as a challenge to try and convince me. And rather than respecting my wishes, instead they tried to convince me why it would be a good idea instead. One guy, two weeks ago, even says "I've banged 4 girls this week." okay...? is that supposed to make me want to jump on your dick even faster? Like bitch I already fucking said no. Now instead I'd rather give you an STI test.

Now this is something that absolutely baffles me. I'd really like to understand the reasoning behind it. Not to mention the fact that you're disregarding the fact that I'm not giving you consent. When a woman says no, it doesn't mean convince her. It means she doesn't want it. So trying to convince someone, is still harassment. But what I don't understand also, is why men take it so seriously. The amount of men that tell me how much they get rejected and how it affects their self-confidence, and affects their ability to even have relationships, because when men lose their self-confidence, they lose their standards and then they end up self-sabotaging when they actually find a good relationship. (I've witnessed this first hand multiple times.) And as a woman, who has rejected multiple men. I legit am not rejecting the man. I'm rejecting the conversation because at that moment, I don't want to converse. I'm rejecting the idea of making an effort for someone that isn't myself.

There's also been the experiences where I have ignored men, and then instead of them leaving me alone.. they continue to message me. Let me just throw this out there.... Not once have I ever "had a message get lost in the list" or "oops... didn't see this msg here" I can tell you, as a woman (and most women will agree with me) We've read every single message we receive. If we say that we miss some, it's to be nice. So if we don't respond... it does not mean send us the exact same message later (plus copy and paste is very overrated). If we want to message you back, we will. There's never been a time where I've read a message and decided that I want to wait before I respond back. If I'm excited about a message, I'm going to respond to it immediately.

So my question to men (and yes it sounds like this writing is attacking all men. I definitely know that there are men out there who don't behave this way and those of you I appreciate) is why do you believe that quantity is better than quality? Why are you so afraid of rejection and have this idea that you need to conquest as much as possible? Why not instead, just accept that if someone says no to you, it has absolutely nothing to do with you and to just leave her alone. Let that girl go. And wait until you find someone who can truly appreciate who you are for the person you are. Because everyone is beautiful, everyone deserves love, and if you wait patiently and decide that quality is better than quantity, then you might actually end up being truly happy.

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Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Samantha ledrew
See all posts by Samantha ledrew