Reflections on 2020

As I am writing this, it is the fourth day of 2021. New years and all of that are great for reflection on the previous year and for growth and blah blah blah. I won’t be the first to say it - 2020 sucked. And I’m not just talking about the pandemic, a shitty election, more black deaths at the hands of police, and record breaking natural disasters. No, 2020 sucked for me, personally.

Let’s see, what did I do in 2020? Well, I was hospitalized right at the very beginning of 2020 for my Crohn’s disease. And then again. And again. And then I was hospitalized because I was suicidal sometime in February. The whole time I was being hospitalized, I was barely working. And then I got thrown out for being short $65 on rent. I ended my relationship with my mother, moved in with my aunt, eventually quit my job because I was too depressed to go. Got thrown out of my aunts’ house because my room was slightly messy and I stood up for myself in regards to how I would be treated. Moved in with my wife and her parents for the first time, stayed about a week and then moved into my wife’s ex’s apartment for about 3 months. Got a job working with antiques, fell in love with the industry, but my boss was transphobic so that ended real quick. Our lease was up, we moved back in with my wife’s parents, me with no job. On the upside, I got my medical bills mostly taken care of, but on the down side, I’m still unemployed, and have been to the hospital yet again. I pissed my mom off so much by getting her a petty gift (Keto diet books, for anyone interested) that she abandoned my brother without any transportation to work over Christmas, so I lent him my car, which is in voluntary repossession and bound to be taken any moment. Now my wife and I are both trying to get on our feet and everything feels kind of hopeless.

So yeah, 2020 sucked.

Weirdly, I have hope that 2021 will be better.

Even with everything shitty that has happened to me (not to mention my wife, but if she wants to tell that story, that’s her prerogative), I’ve come to a place that feels stable and full of possibility. My in-laws have made it pretty clear that we don’t have to pay rent, we’re welcome for at least 2 years, and that they’re willing to help with some of our bills. We’re both on medicaid at this point, and have combined our shared bills to help cut some of that down. It’s been suggested I go on disability until such time as my Crohn’s disease has been completely taken care of and I’m in remission and, to be honest, I’m seriously considering it. But on top of that, I have a budding business as an antique and vintage dealer, I’ve got this writing side hustle thing, I’ve started a Tiktok documenting my Crohn’s journey… My wife is a sex worker, she’s also looking to start schooling for massage therapy, and she could probably also get on some sort of disability due to her depression.

So I guess what I’m saying is that like, yeah, 2020 collectively kicked our asses. And maybe I’m lucky, but I like to think a lot of the nation is in this place where they are tired of the same old same old, and they’re not gonna take it any more. This pandemic will bring change and opportunity. Yes, it fucking sucks and it’s going to continue to fucking suck. But you have people like me, people like my wife, people like Madison Schnieder (started a coffee shop), Ileana Valdez (launched a dating app), Danielle Payton (launched an online workout platform), and Janizze Masacayan (started a mask making business) who are seeing this lull in the economy and this failure of the government to do anything productive for its citizens as the perfect opportunity to create something wonderful and meaningful.

Some of us quit and some of us were forced to take off from our regular nine to five and that got us thinking. How do we fill our time now? What can we do? What are we passionate about? What makes me happy? Not only that - this stimulus check isn’t enough - how do we continue to pay our bills? And that right there was the fatal mistake the government and 1% made. If they had given their workers enough money to stay at home comfortably during the middle of a global pandemic, they’d have as many coming back to work for them when it’s all over. But they won’t. Because we had to survive. So we took our creativity and our gumption and our fucking audacity and we made something.

And honestly? I think that all these little, wonderful start up businesses are gonna be so much more successful than their billionaire run counterparts. I think that they’re going to have better working conditions and climates, I think that they’re going to have fairer wages, I think that they’re going to have better hiring practices, and I think they’re going to bring more joy to the world than everything Jeff Bezos touches with his nasty little fingers. You know why I think that? Because these businesses are created by people who have worked for the Jeff Bezos’ and the Former President Donald Trumps’ and the Mark Zuckerbergs’ and large business conglomerates and have known how poorly they treat employees, know how much it sucks to work in those places and have said “Hey, I’ve had just about enough of that.”

When we think of 2020 in the future, we’ll probably all think back and be thinking of the pandemic and how it ruined a lot for us. When I think of 2020 in the future, I hope that I think back and will be thinking of all the pandemic gave us: all of the small businesses and entrepreneurs that began and flourished in this time, all of the creativity and love that went into these businesses… and of course, the one thing that we can agree on, no matter what side of the aisle we’re on - keeping our favorite small business restaurants open, and the sense of community that built for all of us.

Even beyond all of that, there’s the protests for human rights that happened in such large numbers because suddenly people were free to go to protests because they didn’t have work in the morning. We saw so much political activism from so many different areas, and while I don’t agree with all of those areas, I can’t say I’m not impressed. Volunteerism has also been up, with the rate double what it was in 2017.

Sure, 2020 took a lot from us. But it gave a lot too. As we look to the future and make our plans, goals and resolutions, we should remember that while a majority of 2020 sucked ass… there were maybe some okay parts in there, too.

Sources: https://www.wsj.com/articles/is-it-insane-to-start-a-business-during-coronavirus-millions-of-americans-dont-think-so-11601092841

https://www.sanjoseca.gov/Home/Components/News/News/1803/4765