Reflection

I realized we were getting more and more distant.

His arms never seemed to reach mine anymore. When I looked into his eyes I didn't see that light that was once there. Even our touch felt universes away. Was I loosing him? For all I know who I was no longer made sense. Who I feel inside is not reflecting anymore. I've become projectful, a word I just created. "It means: ones inability too withhold ones words, view, opinion, or actions." I've become the person who crosses the line of being the OBSERVER... This is far from the being I am wanting to embody.

I just want to scream and hide and not look back, but look back I must to see what truth speaks back. Into my cave I return to reflect and review what I am seeing, hearing, feeling and breathing in every day. Our society can use a wake up call but at what cost? At some point self reflection must become it's own thing. Life is delicate right now. Life is morphing into something more beautiful then we can imagine.

Hermit energy is good when you want to integrate what you've been experiencing. I practically live here, even in my daydreaming state, I'm paired up in thought of solving the world one problem at a time. I spend most of my time here. Honing in on what it is that sets my soul on fire. Finding my hearts true passion leads me right to my purpose. But first...

Back into my heart I go, for my kiss was too soft to wake his burning heart.

My only wish is to dissolve into what I once thought was us. The moment to moment reactions of this undying love we call each other has tormented me to my last breath. I give up. I give in. I surrender. I want nothing more than to feel what I know is love and act from there. Today I reflect. Tomorrow I act.

I am coming to the conclusion nothing exist, not in the way we view it anyway. It's like everything is a mirror. Mirroring back to you what you don't want to see in yourself. Likewise with our lovers we end up catching our opposites. We end up with all of the aspects we deem unfit. In reality this is your stuff to deal with. If you see attributes in them you do not like, well that is what you are hiding from yourself. You too, hold that energy and it's your rejection in yourself that leads you to reject it in others.

Once we become aware of this we can break that pattern and create a better one.

For example; If you do not like the fact that your partner takes a long time at the register checking out; has to double check the receipt, check the money, make sure we have all the bags... Meanwhile people are waiting and starting to sigh. This is irritating to you because you realize patience is being tested. Patience being the main thing that they have little of when it comes to others. Yet seems to take more of it for themselves.

There are two things happening...

You are becoming aware of their patterns

You are becoming aware of yourself

See, when we start to reflect we start to see the things we miss in our day to day now moments. At this time we are able to connect everything in our lives. We are able to see more clearly, thus creating better bonds and trust with others. This is great soul work. This will bring you closer to solving conflict and destress your life to the point of relaxation. I know we as humans are capable of creating harmony. I believe it so much I even dream about it.

Reflective meditation is helping me analyze what I am trying to understand between lovers. The lovers is a delicate tangle of emotions and strength. The power two people hold when in love is the greatest power known to Earth, Mama Gaia. The lovers go into battle to find each other and who knows if we get right one. We come out with someone who resonates with us or resonates with the karma you need to work off...

So do you get your other half or do you get a karmic bond that is fated to end after it's debt is paid. Where am I? Where are you?

I know that my lover and I are distant right now, I don't know what will come of this. I can feel it going two different ways and one is more stronger than the other but I have faith all things are possible. Together, we are trying to deepen our connection to each other. Our emotional connection. We have the physical part down stat! It's the inner connection we seek now. Being together nearly 20 years now. I think it's time we dive into the depths of our souls and find the truth of who we are together and as separate beings.

I do know the more I discover my true nature, It sets us even further apart. I am not sure if it's due to him not seeing parts in him that are leaking out everywhere or is that I've lost my patience to help him see it... Do I continue on my path or hold up for him to catch up? What I will do is not yet fruitful. My journey will unfold but to which understanding will I embrace....

This is a matter of how far I am willing to look at myself.