Read Me If You're in Love
I'll fester up all sorts of warm, fuzzy feelings
Please don't read this if you're not in love, or if you have the unfortunate situation of being in the middle of any sort of heartbreak. This is a love story with a goal of making you feel as warm and fuzzy and full of happy emotions as I have on the inside. This is the story—poetically told—of how I fell for you, and how I keep falling for you every single day.
I met him one warm summer's evening, as the wind was gliding over my face, pushing strands of hair between my eyelashes and across my nose as I lay down at the local park in among the tall grass. Friends of mine were sitting a bit away, but I took some time to myself to lay down for a cigarette.
I opened my eyes to reveal a perfect blue sky, full of life's energy and big puffy, cotton candy clouds. I squinted my eyes at how bright the sky was, taking another drag from my burning cigarette.
I put my headphones in again, listening to Bon Iver, and closed my eyes, listening to how the rhythm of the music intertwined with the rhythm of the wind and outdoor sounds. A perfect melody, universe created and patented. Absolutely beautiful.
Opening my eyes a sliver, I jolted upright as there was a man that I didn't know standing above me, smiling. Yanking the earbuds out of my ears, he began speaking, "Woah, I'm so sorry to startle you! I was just going to ask if you have an extra cigarette—I just got here and my friends over there said that you might have an extra," he said, pointing to my group of friends over by the tall maple trees.
Catching my breath, I managed to exclaim, "You owe me a cat life, Sir! One out of nine lives down."
He sits down next to me, half-laughing, "I really didn't mean to scare you, I'm seriously sorry." And that's when I really saw him. Curly brown hair, crew cut, soft green eyes, tan skin. He was wearing a black loose-fitting T-shirt and dark, faded jeans with Chuck Taylors on. More beautiful than the sound of the universe intertwining with my favorite songs.
That's when I knew. In that moment. And if you haven't felt it before, you really have no idea what I'm talking about.
I handed him the cigarette.
And to this day, five years later, he inspires such joy in my heart. For once again I am able to be free, but free with someone else to share the free-ness with. I had always been so used to having douchy-rapey men trying to get with me for whatever reason. But with him...it was always different.
When you look at me, I feel whole. So connected to you in every possible way that my heart fills up like a big read balloon that could never pop. Just keeps filling up with so many emotions that it bursts from my chest and lifts us higher and higher into the sky where anything is possible and nothing has a limit.
When you touch me, even the smallest caress, I know that I am home. That we are meant to touch and exchange and know and understand and hope and dream and love...together. We connect like electricity.
When you...just are yourself.
Whether that's lounging on the house, high out of your mind, eating chips and laughing at a stupid television show that I will never understand. I love you.
Whether that's jumping so high on a trampoline that you start doing crazy superhero stances, my heart races. I hope you don't fall off, because although I would love to say that I'd catch you when you fall, it would be strictly metaphoric since I really have no upper body strength. I'd still love you if you squished me.
Whether it's so deeply into your book that you forget that time, food, the dog, or even me exists. I just watch as you flip the pages, page after page until it's done. You always stand up and stretch after and say "well that was a good one!" and then go about your life. I love you still.
Whether it's when you make a complete fool of yourself getting too excited over Christmas and dancing around the mall like you're an elf in Santa's village... I love you.
This all flashed before my eyes as today—almost exactly five years later—you asked me to marry you.
I said, yes.
When you are with me, I feel inspired. The only thing I regret in my life was thinking that I should settle for any less than this feeling.
Cheers to the rest of our lives.