Partners and Polycules: Polyamorous Designations Based Off Dungeons and Dragons Dice
An Amusing System For All The Ethical Non-Monogamists
There's a joke in dating circles that the true intention of polyamorous people is not to host debaucherous weekend orgies, but to simply acquire enough partners that they'll always be able to muster a full party for a game of Dungeons and Dragons. Those who are (or who have dated) polyamorous gamers know there's more than a little truth to this particular knee-slapper.
Because on the one hand, polyamory is just having (or the desire to have) intimate relationships with more than one person, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. And, as Healthline points out, that doesn't usually include wild weekends of crazed group sex. It can, of course, but it's far more likely that members of a polycule will actually have board game nights on Thursdays, movie nights on the weekends, or get together to roll some funny-shaped dice while pretending to be elves and wizards if they can find a time that everyone can agree on.
Polyamorous relationships come in all shapes, styles, and kinds. This classification system is mostly meant to be funny, but for those who find it to be a useful shorthand I say to embrace it going forward!
Also, if you enjoy this piece, make sure to stop by my gaming blog Improved Initiative, and to give the rest of my Vocal archive a browse. I'm adding new stuff all the time to both of them, so check back often!
D20: The Primary
The d20 is the partner that's by your side the most often. They might be your legal spouse, or they may simply be the partner whose life is most intertwined with yours. Even if you don't ascribe to the idea of a primary partner (because not everyone does), this is likely the one that you've got as a roommate, with whom you have a shared bank account, or which has a point of prominence in your will. The nesting partner, if you prefer that term.
Of course, it's important to remember that more than one partner might fit into this category depending on your situation. Some of us roll with Advantage, after all.
D12: The Cryptid
In most games the 12-sided die almost never comes into play. It's rolled for the great ax's damage, and for a barbarian's hit points, and as such there are some players who've never found cause to reach for it. That doesn't make it any less important, though, and when it does show up people tend to take notice.
The same is true for the d12. These partners tend to have extremely busy work schedules, to live far away, or some combination of the two. You may only get a chance to see each other once in a blue moon, or perhaps a few times a year at conventions, but you likely keep in touch digitally on a regular basis. And when you are in the same place it's like opening up a book to where you last left off; you're right back in it like no time has passed at all.
D10s: The Bond and The Metamour
Polyamory doesn't happen in a vacuum, as anyone who's ever seen a polycule chart can testify. When you find a new partner that acts as a bridge between you and their network of partners, that person is your d10; the bond.
While this partner likely fits into another category as well, this distinction is important because the d10 always comes with the percentile die as well, which is the metamour. For those not familiar with the term, the metamour is your partner's partner, whom you do not have an intimate relationship with yourself. So if your new girlfriend is married, then her spouse is your metamour if the two of you are not actually involved.
Because you may roll the d10 by itself sometimes, but the percentiles come as a package deal.
D8: The Activity Partner
One of the most common reasons that polyamorous people seek out new partners is they have an interest their current partner or partners just doesn't share. While that might sound titillating to some readers, it's just as often about painting miniatures for tabletop war games or going to see musicals as it is about anything going on in the bedroom.
That's where the d8 comes in. The d8 is that partner you bonded over something particular with, and it's now your thing. Maybe it's horse racing, or fantasy football, or sword fighting, but it's likely how you met each other in the first place. The flip side of d8 partners, though, is that you may not work well in other areas. It's important to set boundaries with a d8, and for both of you to agree what parts of your lives are enjoyable to mix, and what parts aren't. That's one of the great things about polyamory, after all; you don't need any one partner to be your everything!
D6: The Partner in Crime
The most well-known die type out there, the d6 is probably the second most-involved in any game after the d20... and the same goes for the d6 as a partner. They're a part of most events, they show up pretty often, and they are intimately involved with the details of your life (just as you, presumably, are in theirs). The major difference between a d6 and a d20 is that while d6s might stay for a while, you don't typically cohabitate with them. Your lives are still separate, even if they're intertwined.
That being said, it's far from unheard of for someone to have a pool of d6s they roll instead of one or two d20s. Some of us prefer different systems, and if it works for you, don't stop rolling!
D4: The Casual
Not everything in polyamory is about deep connections, heavy emotional lifting, and bonding at an intimate level... some of it is honestly just for fun! That's where the d4 comes into the picture.
D4s, as partners, tend to want to keep things simple. If you want to get some dinner and chat about movies and sports, the d4 is usually game. If you have a rare evening to yourself and no one's around, the d4 is more than happy to come hang out. In a pinch they'll even help you move, or handle any of life's small adventures. D4s care about you, but they usually stay in the shallow end of the pool... or sometimes just in the hot tub, if you can follow the metaphor.
The thing about d4s is that this category is one of the most fluid on the list. A lot of partners start out as d4s while you're getting to know each other, and feeling out where your comfort levels are. Other partners may step back into the d4 section if they need a break, or if things got a little too messy. Some partners will just be comfortable here, but designations will shift over time and change... just like how many partners may simultaneously have one foot in more than one category.
It's not alignment, after all. Poly relationships tend to have several facets at once... it's why we try to come up with new language and terms to define and understand them, after all!
About the Creator
Neal Litherland
Neal Litherland is an author, freelance blogger, and RPG designer. A regular on the Chicago convention circuit, he works in a variety of genres.
Blog: Improved Initiative and The Literary Mercenary
Comments (1)
Love the analogy. Perfect explanation 😃I’m so tired of explaining. Glad I’m not the only one doing the explaining.