Paperback Writer: The Beatles Song in Short Story Form

“Hey, excuse me? Can someone help? I need somebody to read my book!”

I look around at the busy publishing center. People are rushing like mad to sort files and take phone calls. It’s pretty chaotic. Thankfully, someone’s at the front desk to take care of the clients that come in looking for their magnum opus to be released to the public and maybe become a bestseller, if they’re lucky. The nametag on his desk says “Mr. Kite.” He takes a second to look me up and down.

“You have to make an appointment with us to get your manuscript read. You got an appointment today?”

“No… but I leave town for a vacation tomorrow and I finished this yesterday. I know this is last minute, but please, sir, can you just take a look before I leave?”

He sighs and reaches his hand out, signaling me to hand the book to him. I'm elated that he accepted it. I hand him the book, and he sets it on his desk.

“First things first, kid… what’s this book about?”

“Well, it’s based on a novel by Edward Lear. He’s one of my favorite authors, and this story particularly inspired me. Here’s how it goes: It’s a dirty story of a dirty man whose wife just doesn't understand him. His son is working for the Daily Mail, which admittedly is a nice, steady job that pays the bills. However, he doesn’t want to work for what he views as a stingy newspaper company. He wants to be a paperback writer.” I throw my hands up in the air, excited as I’m telling this story.

“So, let me get this straight. You wrote this giant novel based off of another novel that’s already been written and published?”

“Yes, sir.”

He looks at the thickness of the book. “How long is this thing, anyway?”

“It’s around a thousand pages, give or take a few.”

“Well… what new elements did you bring to the story? Any new twists or turns? Any subtler elements that weren’t in the original story? Anything that changes the story up at least a little?”

I look at him blankly for a second. “Uh…”

“Look, kid. This book already exists. I really don’t think this is gonna sell if people realize it’s just another book redone.”

“Look, this book took me years to write. And believe it or not, I have other ideas for the story that I couldn't incorporate into this first draft. Over the next week or two, I can write and add more to it. I can make it longer if you like the writing style, change it around so that the narrative feels fresher. Any changes you want, we can work it out. And if you really like the story in any of its forms, you could have the rights and it could make a million for you overnight. Who knows? If you can just give it a chance, read it and see what you think…”

“I don’t know if it’s worth my time.”

“Please… just… look it over. I need a new job once I get back, I need a break from my old boring life, and I want to be a paperback writer. If you need to return the book because you don’t like it, then fine, you can send it here…” I write my address on a sticky note and place it on his desk. “...but I want you to at least read it.”

Mr. Kite thinks for a second, wondering what to do next. “Fine. There’s nothing wrong in giving it a look. Leave your phone number on my desk and I’ll call you later today when I’m finished?”

“Really? Oh, thank you, sir! You won’t regret it, I promise.” I shake his hand, enthusiastically write my number on a sticky, place it on his desk, and start to leave.

“Hey! What’s your name, by the way?”

“Paul,” I say.

“Alright, I’ll call you later tonight, Paul.” He grabs the book and opens it to the first page as I shut the door behind me.

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I sit anxiously by the phone. I just want him to call. I want him to let me know what he thought. The phone rings. I quickly pick it up. “Hello?”

“You know what? I was wrong about your book. As soon as I got to the end of the first chapter, I couldn’t put the book down.”

“Really?!” I blurted that one-word question out. “So, would you say you had a favorite part?”

“Yes, actually. I liked the main character’s view of the world. ‘Because the world is round, it turns me on.” That he just loves the world the way it is.”

I was hoping he would say that. “Well… thank you!”

“This book is gonna be a big hit, kid. It’s gonna fly off the shelves.”

“So you’ll publish it?”

“Absolutely.”

I pumped my fist in the air. I did it. I was now a published novelist.

“Have you got any more ideas for stories?”

“Well… I did have this random idea of this guy who learns the tale of a man who sailed to sea, living beneath the waves in a yellow submarine.”

“Interesting. What happens to him?”

“Well… maybe he finds a secret garden of octopuses in the sea, maybe he’s somehow led to believe he is a walrus… I don’t know, something magical and mysterious like that.”

“Interesting. I like where that idea’s going. Keep working on it. I’ll let you know when the book will be officially published.”

“Amazing! Thank you so much, Mr. Kite. I appreciate you giving my book a chance.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad I did.” He hangs up. I now know my trip to Vienna is going to be lightning quick. I want to get back home as soon as possible to see my magnum opus released to the public.