P.S. Love Hurts

P.S. Love Hurts is a short story in a mini series titled Short Stories About Everyday Bad Habits and Good Habits, Everything and Nothing ̶ About Us. Enjoy this story and the others and whatever they’re about.

P. S. Love Hurts

By Elaina Clark

Foreword

When you think of love, is it always a lovely thought? Is it fulfilling, satisfying, or gratifying? Well, the truth of the matter is that sometimes love hurts - or does it? Maybe love doesn’t, but the actions associated at the attempt do. So we attempt, but do we really love? Are people really in love like they say they are, or are they just pitifully trying to obtain something that is unattainable for them? These questions puzzle a lot of us and we want answers. We unknowingly search for answers with no avail. In this story, we’ll look into the life of a woman who didn’t know love was what she was missing.

Chapter 1

Meet Jane. See Jane run. See Jane run a lot. Jane runs in the morning and Jane runs at night. Sometimes she runs and works, which makes her a workaholic runner. However, she’s really a successful partner at a successful investment company and has no time for games. Business, business, business. Her personal motivator is to ask what more can be done with the time she hasn’t scheduled yet. I guess we can conclude that Jane is a workaholic who runs, but can’t seem to run her single life. Now that we've been informally introduced into Jane's life, let’s find out about her ove life or the absence thereof.

One night after work, Jane’s colleagues invited her out for drinks. She usually declines, but they were persistent and complained that she worked too much. They were right and she did enjoy her time with them. She was lucky to have such a great group of peers and she didn’t want to turn them down…again. They got a carpool together and arrived at a chic bar 30 minutes later. Jane silently realized that this may turn out to be a much needed break for her and decides to thoroughly enjoy herself. Her first order of business (she couldn't help it!) was a gin and tonic – her favorite go-to bar drink – and maybe followed up with a shot of tequila…and a vacation. The second round of Corona began flowing, but Jane knew better; she’d stick with her drinking plan and the one Corona from the first round. She took her drink to the dance floor and let the music aid her in letting go of some of the day's work anxieties. Her and her coworkers were shouting at each other from across the dance floor, but still not missing a beat! Jane hadn’t had this much fun in months and was glad she was coaxed to come.

When she was at the bar for her last drink, a tall glass of water, she noticed an expensive, tailored, dark blue suit. Her eyes lingered as she thought to herself about a different glass of water as her last drink. She shook the thought and gazed for far too long as her coworkers began coming back to the bar for their 3rd round. They tried to get her back to the dance floor, but were unsuccessful due to Jane’s loss-her eyes. She lost her eyeballs which happened to be stuck on an extremely personalized suit! She tried to ask for some help, but thought it silly and decided she was going to go get them herself. She began assessing the man responsible for this thievery and thought maybe he . Just as she was thinking of what to say to the perp, she was spotted. What was she to do? Where to go? She turned to go to the dance floor, but her coworkers had caught on to her escape plan and they quickly turned her back around as he was walking towards her. All she remembered was that she was supposed to be asking him for something, but couldn’t think. He walked right up to her and boldly asked what she was looking at. Her coworkers snickered in the background as she held back her laugh and began to think of a rude comeback. She told him that she was trying to catch a thief. He replied that he’d help her play cops and robbers later, but for now tell him her name. She looked at him and figured there was no getting around it; it was against the rules, but she had to get her eyes back. Yeah, that’s it; Jane broke a rule to get her pupils. It was like Jane didn’t know who she was or where she was going. She felt as if nothing mattered but this moment and she wanted to keep feeling that way. As crazy as it sounded, Jane wanted more of it; More of the feeling, or whatever was happening. This unfamiliar territory was captivating her entire being and topping her evening off with a cherry of excitement. Jane didn't like not knowing what she was feeling, but couldn't help being curious about it.

Chapter 2

The alarm clock went off at its usual 5:30 A.M. and Jane stared at it, but didn’t feel like it. She didn’t feel like hearing the alarm, the stress of work, or the commute to said work. This was very unusual for Jane, the workaholic. She enjoyed going to work and independently making a living for herself. Her thoughts were interrupted by the coffee maker and it began brewing her first cup of coffee for the day. Not that she had to, but she decided to make an appearance. It was Friday and so it would be a 3-day weekend for her, a sort of mini vacation. She started thinking about last night and couldn’t remember the last time she had had so much fun! To make the night even more interesting, she had met a stranger and didn’t even take any candy from him. However, she did get his number.

Jane arrived at her usual 8:30 A.M. and filed some papers. She answered emails and called her team in for a quick meeting. She began debriefing them on what she wanted finished by the end of the day, but stopped when she looked up at their weird stares. Her coworkers knew her all too well. They were wondering and wanted answers, as she knew they would. She stopped and asked what they were gawking at. There was a silence and then they all laughed and watched the biggest smile appear on her face. Then, a question came from the laughter asking if she was in love. Her thoughts trailed off as she had been barking orders all morning, but couldn’t answer the question. She couldn’t answer, but hoped that she wasn’t. She secretly despised the idea of love and never really experienced it. Her parents worked as hard as she did and when they weren’t working, they were planning to work. Maybe that’s where her work ethic comes from. How can she fault them for such an admirable attribute to her personality? Should they have made time to try and show their daughter the love that they so easily averted? Did they even know love, or worse, even love each other? So many questions; this is a much needed vacation.

When Jane got home, she had two new messages. She was one of the few people that still had an answering machine and felt that it was still good to have a home phone. She pushed the play button as she was taking off her shoes. The first was from her mom reminding her of their shopping day on Saturday and the second from her new admirer. His voice was so deep and calming, she had to play the message again. She was reluctant to return his call because she had already broke a rule for him. Although, strangely she did want to call him back. She then remembered this was the start of her mini vacation, stuck to her #2 rule, and focused on doing something that didn’t consist of work - like shopping. Jane began preparing for a normal Saturday with her mother. She actually enjoyed their time together. It was nice to talk with her and make her happy even if it was only on a material level. Jane wasn’t sure about any other levels and didn’t spare the time to know about them. She realized that excuse covered a lot for her and she accepted it as an excellent cover up. At least her bills were paid and she didn’t have to ask others for anything.

On Saturday, her mother picked out a few outfits that were pricey, but she hadn’t decided on anything in weeks. Jane noticed a dress she had seen a couple of weekends ago on sale and took it to the register along with her mother’s items. Her mother was quick on her feet as she was already out the door to the next store to spend about an hour and say there was nothing there. Still, it was a good shopping day. As she turned into the driveway of their suburban getaway, Jane couldn’t help but think of her financially comfortable childhood. It helped shaped Jane into the woman she was today. She wouldn’t say she was spoiled, but Jane was very used to getting what she wanted after a little finessing. Once she was settled in, Jane spent some time with her father and then helped her mother prepare for dinner. She enjoyed the times she spent on weekends with her parents. They reminded her of why she was always grateful for what and who she had in her life. She knew she cared for them and she definitely missed them through the week, but still wasn’t sure if she loved them. Who doesn’t love their parents?! She sometimes thought about it, but always found enough work to forget about it just the same. Jane had been wrestling with these thoughts since her senior at work passed a new account to her a few months ago. They were spiritual advisors that were as sweet as could be, however, no one in the office wanted to think about anyone advising their spirit. Their account had been passed like a bowl of holy water at a demon convention. She gladly accepted them, but being a female senior at a prestigious investment firm didn’t help her doubts of love. There was always an opportunity to prove why love didn’t exist, or why she shouldn’t care about the missing love for her parents. As if the cake needed icing, she was as single as a nun. She didn’t date and found that close relationships were dangerous if they weren’t with her family or coworkers. She had to figure out why her daily agendas now included her wondering about being in love and identifying those she should love.

Chapter 3

On Monday, Jane felt refreshed and ready to get back to work. She had time to relax and focus on herself over the weekend. Now it was time to get back to business. She began going over files of her clients, who were usually younger and middle class. She hadn’t graduated to high class clients yet, but she was still regarded as a senior executive. She wouldn’t be surprised if she got a promotion next evaluation. Her senior came into her office to drop off some files and she asked if there was any news on the accounts that were to be passed to her. He replied that she would have to wait a little longer because of some missing signatures, but he’d let her know as soon as the paperwork was finished. She picked up the files after he left her office and noticed that some of them were for the spiritual advisors’ account she had just picked up. Then the thoughts started again.

Jane left work determined to end these thoughts of what ifs and get back to her normal life. She called a friend of hers who was a psychology major and asked her out for coffee. They were to meet at the coffee shop a few blocks from where she lived. Jane liked it because it was quaint, quiet, and the coffee was actually good. She ordered her coffee black and extra hot as her friend came in, sat down, and began talking a mile a minute. Jane politely listened to her, but couldn’t wait to tell her why she asked her here.

When the coffee came to the table, Jane took the opportunity to jump in before it was too late and began explaining her newly found recognitions and asked her thoughts on the subject. Now her friend was speechless. Jane never heard her quiet before and was almost scared. After a few moments of silent staring, her friend asked if she had ever been in love. What was with these people and this question, Jane thought. Jane aimlessly stirred at her black coffee and shrugged her shoulders.

Jane’s friend came back to her condo as she said there were a few things she had to confirm privately. When they arrived, Jane put on some more coffee and some chocolate cookies, her favorite, in the oven. Her friend was still staring at her in disbelief as Jane tidied up the kitchen and brought a tray of snacks, including the cookies, to the living room. Her friend began asking a series of questions about her childhood that they never discussed before. Jane didn’t make that kind of time for her friends and she didn’t feel bad about it. Her friend said that maybe these new inquisitions of hers weren’t new at all and she probably just now in her age wanted to address them. That was plausible, Jane thought, but wanted to be comfortable with her own way of life.

Jane took her friend’s advice and booked an appointment with the love guru she referred. Jane didn’t care how ridiculous it sounded; she just needed some help to bring an end to these inescapable thoughts. She couldn’t be the workaholic she was with love on the brain. Meanwhile, Mr. Blue Suit had called for the third time and Jane was a little surprised. She had really wanted him to call again, but didn’t expect him to. They usually didn’t call after the second let down. One more call, and he would get to talk to the fabulous Jane who has found out she is a loveless workaholic that runs a lot.

Chapter 4

John called again and Jane tried not to pay attention to the feelings that arose when she heard his voice on her answering machine. These feelings were quite different than with other men she had dodged. This time she actually wanted to return his call. She calmed herself and dialed his number. He answered on the second ring and Jane immediately apologized for the unreturned calls as if she wasn’t doing it intentionally. There was some small talk for a few minutes, but then he got serious and asked her to dinner. He said it could be casual since she was not into returning his calls. She laughed and told him that he at least deserved a formal dinner for his persistence. They agreed to dinner at 7 that night at an Italian restaurant. When they hung up the phone, she had hoped she made the right decision.

After her evening run she showered and began searching for the right outfit for dinner that night. The dress she had bought over the weekend with her mother was perfect and she had a gorgeous clutch to go with it. She picked out some classic heels for the ensemble and began getting dressed. At 6 o’ clock, she was ready for dinner and sipping on a glass of wine. John Coltrane’s Blue Train played softly in the background as Jane noticed there was no knock on her door or ring of her bell. Maybe she was just nervous; it was 6 o’clock and a little early, even for her. She poured another glass and began wondering why she liked John so much. They only talked on the phone once and this was their first time out on a date. She had to wonder about the feelings that were taking control of her. John arrived a few minutes later and she became even more nervous. He rang the doorbell as she grabbed her keys and clutch. When she opened the door, there he was towering in a black suit. Jane reminded herself not to stare as she smiled, walked out the door, and locked it behind her.

There was a comfortable silence on the way to the restaurant that she didn’t mind and the wine also helped the edge that she otherwise would’ve had. They arrived at the restaurant at 6:45 and John handed the keys to the valet. Their reservation wasn’t until 7, but they only had to wait 5 minutes for their table. After they ordered, Jane started on her last glass of wine for the night and tried to guess the cologne John was wearing. He must’ve read her mind because he told her that she smelled and looked nice. She said thank you and told him he did too. He then asked her if she was enjoying the ambience of the restaurant to which she replied that she was. They had some light conversation and then their appetizers were brought to the table. The date was engaging and so was the conversation. Jane was enjoying herself a little too much, she thought, and held on to her reservations. She was halfway finished with her spaghetti and John asked a hard question: If he wanted to have another evening like this, would she agree to it? She told him she didn’t know, but she definitely wanted to. He smiled at her and seemed satisfied with the answer she gave him.

Jane arrived at home about 9:30 after declining the walk to her door. She didn’t need his cologne lingering in her nose or hallway. Whether he knew it or not, he was already stalking her thoughts. She had thought of him every day since they met at the bar, and she doesn’t even think of her parents that much. Either way, she enjoyed their time together and thought how long it would be before she saw him again. It was almost 10 o’ clock when she got into bed and she knew she would be up well past her bedtime; She had to find some more work to do.

Chapter 5

It was another typical day at the office with two meetings in the morning and one before lunch. Jane wondered sometimes how she handled all the testosterone swirling throughout the office. They left a trail of smoke every time they came out to interact with their subordinates. She enjoyed it though; It helped her stay on her toes and she didn’t come this far worrying about any gender setbacks. Jane went to lunch and had multiple messages when she returned. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before she replied to any of them. When she opened her eyes, she felt more relaxed and ready to tackle the rest of the day. She picked up the first message and a chill ran through her spine. It was from John. She had talked to him the day before and he asked her again when were they to spend some time together. She had to give him an answer.

Jane answered the rest of her calls so she could have some free time to talk to John. She told her assistant to hold her calls for about 45 minutes and dialed his number. He answered promptly with a sweet hello and thanked her for returning his call. She smiled and said that she had been a little busy, but was eager to return it. He was very persistent as he explained what he had called for as if she didn’t already know. She told him she had thought about it and had decided that they could. He seemed excited and asked if she would like to go see a movie that Saturday. She agreed and thought she hadn’t seen a good movie in a while anyway. He said he would be there to pick her up at 8. She hung up the phone looking forward to another non-work weekend.

She usually had to show face at a mandatory office party, so there were plenty of formal dresses and pant suits in her closet. There weren’t any toned down clothes, though - she wasn’t the toned down type. She was usually always professional because she was usually always working. So, this shopping day, she would actually be looking for something to wear. Her mother said she should wear a dress, but she decided against it. After the 3rd store they ventured into, Jane saw a jean skirt that looked promising. It was long and looked comfortable. She picked out the rest of the outfit and was finally satisfied with the results.

When John arrived at 8 o’ clock and knocked on the door, she had just finished putting dishes away. She yelled just a minute and ran to get her purse from the bedroom. She turned out the lights and opened the door. He was looking very handsome in a leather jacket and dark blue jeans. He smiled and said she looked very nice. She said thank you and became very giddy like a school girl. He did that to her. He seemed to always keep a smile on her face. They got to the movie theater at 8:30. They went to concessions and bought her popcorn and coke, then went into the theater to just catch the start of the movie. It was a comedy, her favorite, and was very entertaining. She was a sucker for a good comedy. He was a gentleman and put his coat around her arms. She had a light sweater on, but it still felt good.

When they got to her condo, she asked him up for coffee. It was the weekend, and she usually was up late preparing for work the next week. This would be a change for her. He agreed and went to park his car. When she got to her door, she unlocked it and thought that this should be interesting. She put her purse on the counter and started on the coffee. She had coffee for herself, but used store bought coffee for guests. For some reason she decided to put in some of her coffee to brew. She heard him coming down the hallway sniffing the air. She smiled and thought this should end the night perfectly. He came in and closed the door behind him. She told him he could sit down in the living room and get comfortable. She brought the coffee and some cookies she had warmed up to the living room and poured him a cup. He thanked her and took a slow sip. She laughed and told him it looked like he needed that. He told her he was nervous. She was afraid to ask why, but she did. He told her he couldn’t stop thinking about her and wanted to spend more time with her. She said she was enjoying their time together too, but was obligated to her work. She told him she knew nothing else, but to keep climbing this ladder. He said he figured as much, but still wanted to be included in her life.

The night ended perfect as she thought it would, but he seemed to know her better than she knew herself. When he left for the night, he left her with another invite. He said they could go wherever she wanted; he just wanted to spend time with her. She said she would think about it and told him goodnight as she closed the door. She waited about an hour when she knew he was far away from her and sent him a text telling him she enjoyed the movies and to be careful. He sent a text back that said he did too and to hurry up and give an answer. She smiled and texted him back goodnight. She lay in bed thinking of where they would go next and realized she already had the answer. This was turning out to be an enjoyable relationship.

Chapter 6

Jane arrived at the doctor’s office 15 minutes early and checked in with the receptionist. She sat down in the waiting room and wondered if she could get the answers she desired. She figured she better at $75 a pop. It was a bit steep, but he was recommended by her friend and she trusted her friend’s opinion. The receptionist came over to her 10 minutes later and said she could go in. Jane stood up and walked down a short hallway and opened the door. She stepped into a very calming office and from the looks of it business was good. There weren’t many pictures on the wall, but the few there did catch her eye. There was a huge mint green sofa in the middle of the room and she walked towards it assuming that is where she was to sit. The doctor came out of a bathroom Jane guessed being that he was drying his hands. He greeted her and apologized for not shaking hands because his were wet. She said it was okay because she was usually early for her appointments. He replied that it was a respectable trait and to never lose it. He invited her to sit where she wanted except in his seat as he sat down. She smiled and sat on the plush, mint green sofa. The doctor started off by giving his name and credentials. She listened intently, but had already researched all of his information. When he was finished, he asked how long she had been pondering about her love life. She told him just the last few months. She let him know about one of her coworkers asking her if she was in love and she didn’t know how to answer. She started explaining the thoughts she had supposedly been evading her entire life when he abruptly put his hand up for her to stop.

Jane stopped mid-sentence and stared at the doctor and waited for him to explain the interruption. He began by saying that he couldn’t go any further without asking if she had ever been in love. She looked away from him and told him that she didn’t know. He then asked if she knew what it was to love or be in love past normal friend, coworker, or family love. She replied that she didn’t know about that either. The accredited love doctor began explaining that as a relationship therapist his job is to provide insight as to why relationships aren’t working. However, in her case, it seems she has never had a relationship to give insight on. Jane looked at him and realized that he might be on to something. He continued to say that for whatever reason she had been living a robotic life. He asked what she did for a living and she told him she was a senior partner at an investment firm. He smiled and asked if that was as demanding as it sounds. Jane shook her head yes in awe of the epiphany her and the love doctor just happened unto. Yes, she was definitely coming back.

It had been two days since Jane spoke with John and she expected that he was pouting. She still hadn’t given him the answer he wanted. She knew where she wanted to go and she knew who she wanted to go with, but were they moving too fast? He expressed his feelings for her, but she has definitely heard that before. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, but she had rules. She wasn’t going to break all of them for him. Was she? Jane had already went on a second date with him sooner than what the rules had called for. He knew what he wanted and he was persistent. All of the necessary accoutrements checked out too: own place, own car, career, and even a very good tailor. This experience was different; she actually cared about his feelings and she guessed he felt the same about her. Maybe she should call him and at least give him an answer. He deserved that.

The next day at work she was swamped as usual and she wondered what the other partners were doing since she had so much work piling up. It didn’t matter though because she was a good investor. She knows this because she is always complimented on her own portfolio, even if she wasn’t recognized by her own colleagues. After lunch, she returned to her office feeling a little more refreshed after a light massage. She sometimes went to her masseuse during lunch to ease some stress, which helped immensely. When she walked into her office, there was a vase of red roses on her desk. She smiled and picked up the card that was with it and it read ‘Please answer me.’

She sat at her desk feeling bad. Was he doing this on purpose? She looked at her messages and decided to call the love doctor back to make an appointment before she returned Mr. Impatient’s call. She booked the appointment for Wednesday on her lunch break with the receptionist. John would have to wait until after her costly session with the love doctor before their next date. She picked up the phone to call him and give him an answer, but froze up when she heard his voice and no longer wanted to give him any bad news. She closed her eyes tight and thanked him for the flowers. He asked if she liked them and she smiled and said yes. She told him she decided to leave them in her office so she could look at them throughout the day. He asked how her day was and she said fine, but she needed to talk to him about something.

There was a silence and he then asked what about. She explained that she hadn’t been this far in a dating relationship in a few years. She told him about her rules, including the ones she had broken for him, and that the third date was serious. There was silence again as she waited for a response because as she was used to always closing. He finally impatiently said go on. She continued and said that they could go out again, but there would be no more coffee or any other come upstairs night caps. At least not until they were clear and truthful about what they wanted from each other. He sighed and said that he figured she had rules and he hadn’t tried to make her break them. He told her that the moment he saw her he knew he wanted to be with her on a long-term basis and that he enjoyed just spending time with her. To Jane’s amazement, he then said that they could just remain friends if she wanted. He said that he was a pretty straightforward guy if she didn’t notice. She laughed and told him it was very noticeable, but she didn’t mind. It meant that he knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to go for it. The phone call lasted 15 more minutes before she remembered that she was at work. He told her to stop being scared and come out and have some fun with him. She laughed and said that she’d call him back with the details. She hung up the phone and decided to plan a fun-filled Sunday they both would enjoy. Her workload was backed up now after the call with John and she would be there late, but it was worth it. He seemed worth it.

She was too tired for an evening run that night and did 15 minutes on the treadmill at the gym in her building instead. She went back to her condo and ordered some pizza from her desk in her home office. She printed some papers to take with her to work and saw the reminder to call John back. The fair would be in town for another week, so Sunday would be a good day to go. She had her appointment with Dr. Feel Good the day after tomorrow at lunch as she looked at her calendar. She hadn’t told the doctor about her new fast lane relationship with Mr. Right yet, so that should be interesting. She bought the tickets online and printed them out. They had plenty to eat at the fair, but they could go to a restaurant that was close by if he was still hungry. It should be a fun time, Jane thought. She smiled at the thought of riding roller coasters, bumper cars, and eating cotton candy. She texted him to get ready for the fair Sunday at 6 and this time it was on her. He texted her back insisting that he be a gentlemen and take care of the bill. She replied that he was, but she didn't mind.

He took a minute, but texted her back ‘fine then’ like a spoiled brat. She texted for him to not pout and that it will be fun. He sent her a smiley face and her night was complete as the pizza man knocked on the door.

Chapter 7

Jane arrived at the doctor’s office and signed in. The receptionist greeted her and said that she would let the doctor know. Jane thanked her and sat down to patiently wait. A few minutes later the receptionist told her to go on and Jane proceeded down the hallway. She entered the serene office and felt a little more relaxed for some reason. They greeted each other and the doctor went straight to the point and asked her to tell him why she decided to come see a therapist. She told him about the spiritual advisors she now were in contact with and how they always wished her peace and love. He smiled and asked if that was a good thing. She said that of course it was, but she had actually considered it to be imposing when she came across it before. The doctor said that either they were very good at their craft, or it was time for her to be aware of something she had never experienced before, or possibly both. Either way, it was definitely a new experience for her. She then told him about her newfound dating partner. She explained that this would be their third date on Sunday and she was very excited about it. The doctor asked if it was serious and she said not quite, but he’s expressed his desire for their relationship to be long-term. The doctor wrote away on his notepad for an unusual amount of time, and then went to his desk. He looked at what was probably his calendar and asked if she was free Monday at the same time. She told him she’d have to ask her bank account to which he laughed and said that this one would be free. She then happily agreed.

When Saturday came, Jane found herself looking for another outfit while her mother denied most of the items she pulled off the rack. She thought about telling her mother about her third date with John, but decided to keep it to herself. It wasn’t that she minded her parents knowing who she was dating, but Jane didn’t want to feel like it was that serious. To tell your parents would mean that it’s serious. Maybe she would know more after the fair. When Jane finally dropped her mom off at home, she stopped at the grocery store before the long drive to her condo. She still shopped at the same grocery store where she grew up; she knew where things were and she was on a first-name basis with the veteran employees. The fruit and vegetables were usually fresh and local, which was good for her body and the community. Jane wanted to cook something at home and noticed these were the kind of changes that have been happening since her knowing John.

At home, the pot began to boil and Jane added in the potatoes. She was cooking steak, mash potatoes, and broccoli. She also decided to sauté some asparagus in case she would want that too. The steak was already marinating in a simple sauce she had pre-made from scratch. She had bought some garlic bread to go with the steak and of course chocolate chip cookies as dessert. As she was preheating the oven, the phone rang. She answered on the third ring and it was John. She smiled and asked how he was. He said good and that he was calling to ask if she was ready for the fair tomorrow. She said that she was definitely excited and ready. He said that he couldn’t wait to see her and was glad to hear her voice. She said that it was going to be loads of fun. She told him that her mother had asked about him, but she told her nothing. He laughed and asked why because he would like to meet her parents. She told him that it was too soon for that and she liked the pace they were at now. He said alright and that he didn’t want to rush her. Jane told him she was cooking and had to get off the phone before she burned something. He ended the conversation telling her not to run from him and hung up the phone. He knew how to keep her smiling, but she couldn’t let things move too fast. She hadn’t been so-called hurt before, as people say, and she definitely didn’t want to start now.

Jane woke up Sunday morning having slept a full 8 hours, which hadn’t happened in a long time. She felt like she had been hibernating for the winter like a bear...or a bat. She sure worked like she was saving up for the winter. Maybe she would start sleeping regularly so she could get a good night’s rest. She got dressed for her morning run and set her alarm clock for one hour; she had to be back by then. The park she jogged in was a 3 minute walk and she enjoyed the scenery so much that it was the determining factor in buying the condo. She stretched a few minutes before and after her run. She did run a lot, but it helped her focus and she enjoyed it. She was back in her condo before the alarm went off and started her shower. She put on something comfortable and made a plate of fruit and cheese. She planned on a salad for lunch. She was hoping the evening would be enjoyable at the fair, but she was sure it would. John said he was looking forward to spending time with her and she was feeling the same. Jane wasn’t sure if she should be allowing herself to feel this comfortable thinking about their time together. He was still sort of a stranger even though she invited him up for coffee. She told herself to get over it because she wouldn’t be running this evening.

Jane dressed in the outfit she had bought the day before and sprayed on some perfume. She had a small wallet that accompanied her outfit instead of her purse. She sipped on her green tea and noticed that it was 5 ‘til 6. She begin turning off the lights and checking things as John seemed to be on time. On cue, the doorbell rang as she tried to ignore the chill that went up her spine again and went to the door. John looked handsome in a sport coat and jeans. She told him he looked nice and he gave the same compliments to her. She said thank you and they started walking down the hall to his car. Jane asked him if he was scared of roller coasters and he exclaimed no way and asked her if she was. She said she thought that was the point. They laughed, got into the car, and left the garage. They arrived at the fair about 40 minutes later. It was more crowded than Jane expected, but she still knew it would be fun. They went to the ticket booth where she showed them her receipt and they both received wrist bands for any of the rides.

The first ride was as scary as it looked and the second was even worse! Jane thought that maybe her heart couldn’t take roller coasters anymore as she didn’t want to ride any more. They stopped at a food truck and got some hamburgers and hot dogs, which were surprisingly delicious. Jane was enjoying this since she usually tried to eat healthy. John seemed to be enjoying himself laughing at how they were screaming on the ride. The rest of the evening went as planned and they thoroughly enjoyed their selves. By 9:30, Jane was tired and ready to go and so was John. They laughed and talked on the way to Jane’s and she was glad she agreed to go out with him again. They got to her condo and Jane thanked him for the teddy bear he had won her. He gave her a hug and told her to have a good night. He said he would call her tomorrow when she got home. She said okay and walked inside. It was a fun evening and she enjoyed her time with her new, handsome friend.

Chapter 8

As Jane went through files and emails, she tried to ignore the constant reminder of last night and the fun she had. Almost everything she did reminded her of him. She tried fooling her thoughts to believe he was too good to be true, but it didn’t work. The actual truth was that he was polite, courteous, adventurous, and even funny; not to mention handsome and well dressed. Oh yeah, and also a career, home, and 401k. Of course she checked his portfolio – what kind of financial advisor wouldn’t? He wasn’t even skeptical about letting her when she asked him. She definitely had to add a few touch ups, but it was a decent portfolio. He also made good decisions obviously, being that he passed her 4th call rule. Lunchtime was nearing and Jane readied herself for what the doc had to say.

She arrived at the same time as she did last week and signed in. The receptionist told her to go in after 15 minutes of waiting. Jane entered his office and immediately felt reassured about coming. The doctor was sitting at his desk finishing up a phone call when she came in and he signaled for her to sit down. He got off the phone a few seconds later and apologized. She said that she didn’t mind as he sat in his usual seat. He began by saying that he offered the free session because he wanted to discuss her coming in regularly and maybe getting used to the décor. She smiled and said that she was curious to know what this visit would be about. He said that she was new to love and he wanted to get more in-depth with her childhood. Jane figured that she would probably have to decide if she wanted to keep coming and she guessed the doc decided that for her. He went on to say that these things were best explored slowly. She agreed and said that it would probably not be at lunch as she sometimes had to work. He said that could be discussed as long as it was weekly. They agreed that Wednesdays were good at lunch unless otherwise scheduled. He then wanted to know how things were going with John. Jane smiled and told him about the fair yesterday and the bear he had won her. He replied that it sounded serious. She shrugged his point off and said that she looked forward to bringing him about $300 a month. He laughed and told her love was worth it as she walked out the door.

There was more work waiting for her when she got back from lunch. Jane knew she wouldn’t be able to stay too long at her weekly visits to the doctor, but it seemed to be helping. She wondered about the coincidences that were happening seemingly all at the same time. Jane would be finished with this entire days’ worth of workload by this evening, which is what she was good at. She wasn’t good at love. Maybe she could start knowing better with the help of her therapy sessions. Jane finished a stack of paperwork by 4 and started on the mountain of files that had piled up. She asked her assistant to order her some Chinese food before he left for the night because she would be there late. He asked if she wanted him to stay and help and she thought to say no, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea. She told him it would be a great help if he could. He said no problem and he would come in with the food when it came. When she hung up the phone, she decided to call John and let him know she would be working late. She was finishing up an email and some paperwork and her phone rang. She realized an hour had gone by and when she picked up the phone John asked if she was working late. She told him yes, but she would be finished in a couple of hours. He asked if she had something to eat yet and she said that Chinese had been ordered. He said okay, but not to work too hard. They talked a few more minutes and then hung up. It actually felt good to talk to someone that wasn’t her family or coworker. She felt a little better and began tackling all the work that had backed up.

The next few days went by in a blur as Jane was getting back into her groove of working and running. She had spoken with John a couple of times, but decided to wait after next week’s session before stepping any further into the unknown abyss that their relationship seemed to be. It was only 10 ‘o clock, so she had a couple of hours to finish up for the day. Any new work that came in she could finish after lunch. It had been a surprisingly calm week so far unless something changed drastically on the market. Jane had some ideas about bringing in new clients, but decided to keep them to herself. She knew it was time for her to be an actual senior partner instead of just doing the workload as one. She would have that and other ideas to bring to the table. Jane would have to admit that she was nervous about her evaluation in a couple of weeks. She would have to set a reminder to do a pre-evaluation on herself and smiled at how much of a workaholic she was. Although, if she was prepared enough, how could anything go wrong? Still, she was in a predominately male working environment and that could be a deciding factor even if it shouldn’t. Many other large corporate firms weren’t as dominated by the male gender as hers was, but she actually liked the workload and somewhat isolation. She didn’t mingle as much with her coworkers and it helped her focus. Of course she was closer to her assistant who had been a big help the last few days. So much so that she decided to give him a bonus. He was ecstatic about it when he got the news and invited her to lunch at their favorite restaurant. She happily accepted because the Puerto Rican restaurant was absolutely delicious.

When they arrived, the hostess lead them back to their usual table. Jane ordered water for them both to start. Her assistant asked her to order for them while he went to the bathroom. She ordered his usual dish and Bacalao for herself. Her phone rang as her assistant was sitting back down at the table. She answered it and immediately smiled. Her assistant looked at her curiously wanting to know who it was. She mouthed that it was John. He was calling to invite her to lunch. She told John that she was at lunch already and that maybe they could go sometime next week. He told her to not start with dodging him again. She said that she wasn’t and that she would call him when she got home. When she hung up the phone, her assistant began bombarding her with questions as she began to blush. She finally broke and told him that they had been on another date. Her assistant probed for the details to which she happily disclosed over lunch.

Chapter 9

Jane decided on what to cook for dinner and thought that baked potatoes would be enough. She put some water on to boil and went to get the phone. She had been deliberating on what excuse to give John since she knew what he was going to say. When he answered, she immediately told him that her dodging him wasn’t entirely a bad thing. He told her to go on and she explained that she was really enjoying their time together and she wanted to make sure that should continue. He asked why wouldn’t it and she told him about her ideas on the subject of relationships. They talked for a while and she was finishing up the potatoes when he asked if he could come and cook for her this weekend. It sounded so good to her that she almost agreed, but told him she couldn’t let him. She said that she had to prepare for next week and didn’t have the time to entertain, but next week they would definitely work it out. He seemed disappointed and she didn’t like it. She knew it was no longer humorous to him that she was a track star, but it was evident he was disappointed. Even still, Jane was sticking to her intuition and wouldn’t change her mind until after more therapy.

Jane’s mother suggested they try a different shopping mall when she picked her up on Saturday. Jane was definitely up to it since her mother always denied so many nice things. So, they took a turn to a different area of the city to explore new shopping arenas. They decided on a shopping outlet right outside the city not too far from her office. Jane was happy about the change in scenery. The first thing they bought was some walking shoes as there was a large area to cover. Jane figured that her mother couldn’t walk away with empty bags here. It was almost lunch time when they arrived, so they went to a restaurant to eat. The first store was an exercise store, which Jane enjoyed. She got some exercise clothes for herself and her mom decided on lightweight dumbbells. The next few hours were a breeze since her mother was generously adding items to the bill. Jane rationalized that because it was an outlet, the prices were better to cope with and her mother was able to choose more items. Jane herself was definitely taking advantage of the somewhat discounted prices. She got some new cookware, office supplies, and even a gift for John. She smiled as she picked it up from gift wrapping and snuck it in with the other shopping bags. They definitely made the best out of this shopping day.

Jane woke up refreshed and ready for a morning run on Sunday. She set her alarm and put on her new exercise clothes. They were a little tight, but they would stretch out for sure. She set the alarm and set out the door and made it back in time to hear the alarm go off. Jane sat in her favorite chair that she put in her room to relax a few moments before her shower. She had to smile at the idea of her work ethic because she had no work to do, but could think of work to do. When she got out of the shower, her phone started to ring. She let the machine get it wondering who it was. To her surprise, it was John. He asked her to call him as soon as the machine cut off as he knew she was listening at that very moment. She laughed at his humorous fact and got dressed for the day. She usually spent Sundays at home and today wouldn’t be any different. She also noticed that John was getting used to her schedule. She decided on fruit for breakfast on one of her new plates and picked up the phone to return his call. When he answered, they both began laughing as he just knew she was at home. She told him she had just got out the shower when he called and was getting dressed, but his message helped to brighten her day. He said he knew she was up and decided to see how she was doing. She said she was going to eat some fruit for breakfast and get started on some paperwork for tomorrow. He asked what she was eating for dinner and she told him she didn’t know yet. He offered to bring something and cook for her again, and she gratefully declined, again. She changed the subject and told him that she bought him a gift as a sort of peace offering for her busy schedule and champion track record. He asked what it was and she told him he would find out next week when they saw each other again.

Jane’s appointment with the doctor was for Wednesday, but she decided to change it to today for lunch so she could see John sooner. The receptionist said that today would be okay at the same time. Jane knew that it was almost half the time for the same cost, but she needed some advice on her next steps. She hadn’t been this far in a relationship before and didn’t have any rules set up, so she was going to have her new therapist give her pointers on what to do next. She wrote down some notes to take with her to the appointment so she would have all the details available for discussion. Jane decided to have her assistant order some food for her lunch when she was returning so she wouldn’t get behind like she did last week. Jane started on some files as she listened to the morning news. She updated her clients’ numbers twice daily at minimum: once at open and once at close. If there were any direct changes or she felt it necessary, she updated theit investment report in addition to that minimum. It was a great system for her and her clients enjoyed the daily refresh. As she jotted down ideas for her client retaining process, her office phone rang. When she answered it, she was delighted to hear the spiritual advisors’ voices. They often called in conference since it was their account together. They thanked her for the morning refresher and asked how she was doing. She told them that she was well and that she was glad to include them in on her daily updates with their account. She told them to let her know if it was too many notifications and she would gladly cut back. They said that they were glad for them and then asked about her inner being - as they often did. She told them that she actually had an appointment with a relationship therapist at lunch today and the sessions were helping her a lot. They seemed delighted to that fact and told her to let them know if there was something they could help with. She thanked them for their concern and kindness, but she would definitely let them know if the therapy wasn’t enough! They all laughed about it and eventually ended the call. Jane actually enjoyed talking to them and might take them up on their offer.

Jane walked into the serene office with her notes in hand and ready to take new ones. The doctor greeted her with a smile and a firm hand shake. He asked if she was going to take notes on him and she said not exactly. She sat down and explained why she wanted to come earlier this week. He replied that it was understandable because he knew she had questions and wanted answers. She took out her pen and asked the first question she had. He laughed and said that maybe they should switch seats. She smiled, but wanted to make sure he knew she was serious. He definitely noticed and said that her rules aren’t unusual as sometimes we need those barriers. He said that she should definitely think of a better strategy at this point, to which she agreed. She told him that she was out of rules and excuses to postpone a continuing dating situation with John. He told her that it was time to face that fear. She looked up and realized that she certainly did not want to admit that it was a fear. He told her to go ahead and write that down. She did, but was reluctant to hear what was next. He said that he was glad that she decided to wait before going on another date with him, but she couldn’t keep him hanging on. She asked if she should continue the relationship. He told her that was a decision she had to make, but that he didn’t see anything wrong with enjoying herself. He told her to keep an honest, open relationship and she shouldn’t have any problems. Jane left his office satisfied with the results and equipped with enough notes to face her new relationship head on.

Chapter 10

Jane decided that she would call John as soon as she got home so that she could give him the news. She felt good talking to him about her progress in knowing about how to be close to others. In the past Jane wouldn’t have even wanted to talk to her friends about it, but this has been a bit of a social awakening for her. She barely even talked to her parents through the week and could also be an introvert, however exploring the boundaries of her love capabilities has made her more of a social catepillar. It was a small, but humorous epiphany. She stepped in her condo and began undressing; literally and metaphorically taking off the burdens of work. She went to the kitchen to start dinner and took out some hamburger for meat loaf. She took her notebook from therapy to the living room with the phone so she could try and explain it to John. He answered the phone asking what was for dinner. She giggled and told him meatloaf with broccoli and corn on the cob. He said sounds delicious and that he was being lazy and ordering Chinese. She said that sometimes that was okay, but she wanted to tell him something about today’s venture. Jane told him all about why she wasn’t into rushing things with him and that she had some notes on the next steps in her life if he still wanted to be a part of it. He asked if he should be taking notes too. She laughed and said that was actually not a bad idea. She explained that the next date they went on would be important because it was a deciding point in their relationship. They could either keep it casual or began being more romantic and they would have to each decide on the fate of their relationship at that point. It would subsequently be their 4th date anniversary she continued and then paused to hear his thoughts. There was a long sigh and he told her he was fine with it as long as she was happy. He said he just wanted to see her smile and enjoy their time together. She said that it would make her happy to have their relationship move forward in a continuing upward climb. He said good because he would like to have her continue talking about how to do that.

Jane was at work at 8 o’clock the next morning to try and get a little head start on everybody. Mostly everyone in the office was always professional and up to par on their obligations. She enjoyed it because she didn’t have to worry too much about others not doing their part, which is a common mishap in working environments. She just hoped they would give her the promotion she so aptly deserved. She sent her morning updates and answered some emails that came in last night after she went home. It was only Tuesday and she had a full week ahead of her. She wondered where the next date would be for her and John. She was eager to go because she actually missed him and wanted to give him his gift. As she was sitting on her sofa thinking, her assistant came in with some flowers. She looked at him questioningly and he picked the card out of the flowers and handed it to her. The card read ‘Thinking of You’ and was signed by John. She smiled and quickly grabbed the flowers from her assistant to smell them. Her assistant folded his arms and said that it looked serious. She ignored the comment and said it was so sweet to send flowers. She put them in water and walked her assistant out with some filing to do. She would call John and thank him before lunch because she actually had some work to do herself.

At 11:30 Jane had gotten caught up and was waiting for anything to come in before she called John to thank him for the beautiful flowers. She called him and there was no answer. She left a message thanking him and to call her when he got the chance. She didn’t know what to do for lunch, but decided to leave the office for a while anyway. Maybe she would pick up something while she was out. She told her assistant she would be back in about an hour and a half, but he could take his hour when he was ready. She got into the elevator and decided to go to a nearby park and relax for a while. There was a duck pond there and sometimes passersby would leave something to feed them. Jane sat down and fed them what had been left there. Maybe no one had been by since the last time they ate because they had an appetite! It was calming and relaxing for her; she didn’t think about work or planning to work. She did think about John, though, and if he had got her message. There seemed to be an endless stream of thoughts about him. She didn’t mind at all, however, because she didn’t mind anything about him. She thought about inviting him over for dinner, but thought against it. Jane liked the idea of taking things slow and decided to wait a while before she let him cook for her. She actually enjoyed her time out with him and felt it was necessary for their relationship to grow how they both wanted it to.

Back at the office, she had some emails to answer and started on the lunch she had bought. It was a vegetarian sub, but tasty and she had worked up an appetite walking around. It was very relaxing for her though, when she made the time; maybe she was a healthy workaholic. Either way, the relaxation was very necessary for her to keep her sanity in coming back to such a demanding office. The rest of the day wasn’t as busy as she thought it was going to be and 4 o’ clock was coming slowly. She busied herself with updating her schedule for the rest of the week and by the time she was finished, it was 4:30. Jane began to pack up to go home. She thought that she might bake cookies tonight since she had a vegetarian sub for lunch as if that would balance out her weakness for them. She was headed out the door when her phone rang. It was John apologizing for the missed call. He usually had his phone with him and answered when she called, so she hardly had to leave a message. Before she could say anything, he asked if he could take her to dinner tonight. She playfully whined that she was going to make cookies tonight. He said that she could bake them later because he wanted to see her. She paused and thought about it, then agreed. He said he would be there at 7 promptly. She smiled and said of course you will and they hung up.

This was a surprise to Jane – a spontaneous dinner date. She didn’t know what type of restaurant they were going to and didn’t know what to wear. She was excited and nervous at the same time. She was used to planning things ahead of time, but enjoyed the spontaneity. Nevertheless, she was still glad he wanted to go to dinner. Jane got home and changed to her running clothes to do 20 minutes on the treadmill in the gym. She figured it was maybe time for her to consider doing only 20 minutes on the treadmill in the evenings. She was getting up in age and didn’t want to ruin her body from over exercising, even if it did offer her some type of peace. She hurried into the shower when she was finished running while she decided on what to wear. She didn’t know if it was going to be formal or casual, so she would try to balance it out as much as she could. It was almost 6:30 when she finished dressing, so she began to tidy up her condo before John got there. John knocked on the door promptly at 7 o’ clock. Jane opened the door to a stunningly handsome man in black and white. He obviously wanted to be formal tonight, which Jane figured. She was proud of her well put together ensemble that was black and complimented his. He greeted her as he looked at her and romantically spun her around. She replied that it should be an exciting evening and handed him his gift. She told him not to open it until he got home as they walked to the garage.

When they pulled up to the restaurant, Jane told him he was going all out tonight due to the 5 star rating she happened to know that the restaurant boasted. He reminded her of the gold medals she should be given for her amazing track meet skills. She laughed and told him it was not that serious. They stopped at the valet and received the ticket. Once they were inside, the place smelled and looked expensive. The hostess asked for their reservation name and directed them to the VIP suites. Jane looked at John and he shrugged his shoulders smiling as if he didn’t know what was going on. They entered the back portion of the restaurant where there was a long corridor of closed off areas. The hostess led them into one of these areas which had rose petals all over the floor. There were plenty of candles burning, a cheese plate, and chocolate cookies! The candles were one thing, but chocolate cookies? The lights were dim and the mood was right. Jane knew then that John wanted to keep her happy and would spare no expense in doing so.

CHAPTER 11

Jane lay in bed mesmerized by the night she had just experienced; it was lavish, romantic, and majestic. She felt like a princess who had been on a date with a handsome and wealthy prince. The food was prepared, cooked, and presented so well that the restaurant deserved the five star status they boasted about. They enjoyed each other’s company and relished in the atmosphere of the elegant restaurant. It was an unforgettable evening with a perfect gentleman and she felt ready to make a serious decision about their relationship. After thinking about it, however, she blamed the alcohol and dozed off to sleep.

She was wakened by her alarm blaring and realized she hadn’t got up to reset it before it sounded this time. Her morning run was refreshing and exhilarating as it always was. She had gotten use to the routine embellishment of exercising and didn’t want to ever be where she couldn’t indulge. Either way, it was Tuesday morning and Jane had to find something to wear to her demanding career. After long deliberation, Jane decided on a light blue pant suit, dark blue heels, and a dark blue blouse. She had a silver pendant her mother gave her that she pinned on the lapel. She took a moment to decide on the ice blue fur shawl, but then wondered why she even questioned it. She looked and felt like a senior partner ̶ why wasn’t she? After taking another glance at herself in the mirror before leaving, Jane decided that today would be the day of her evaluation.

When she arrived to work, everyone was in the sitting area huddled in front of the T.V. They often entertained guests and potential clients there to keep a comfortable atmosphere. There was a bar, a small kitchen, and of course the 72-inch T.V. that coupled a huge leather lounger. It was a charming space that their rivals envied. Jane walked slowly back to her office while her coworkers stared intently at the huge screen and sat at her desk. She reluctantly turned on her own television and marveled at the broadcast. It was amazing how fast things could turn in this market but she was paid to face it whether good or bad. The news anchor spoke of market plummets and hypothetical chaos while Jane thought that she might have wasted a would-be senior partner outfit.

Jane felt so tiny sitting in the lushness of the pillows which happened to mirror the life she had made for herself; however, the sofa seemed condescending this time. She felt too spoiled. The last date was extravagant to say the least and John hinted that there was more where that had come from. She explained her feelings in way too much detail while she nervously jotted down what her love therapist should respond. The doctor glared at the notebook she had brought in again and then at her. He spoke abruptly as he told her that she was at a crossroads and to stop dragging her love life along like an unwilling child that wasn’t ready to leave the playground. How rude. How condescending, like a soft couch. It was accurate though; she had been thinking about herself the whole time and forgot she was in a developing relationship with someone who enjoyed her company. She thanked the doctor for the one sentence he could get in during the whole session as she hurried out the door.

Jane had cut the session short because of the busyness back at the office; she had numbers to crunch, calls to make, and portfolios to prep. There were things to do and she didn’t have time to pout about her feelings, but Jane was in workaholic mode and didn’t notice the tall figure standing in her doorway. She stood up to put some files away and froze in her tracks. John was standing there looking as handsome as ever in his most tailored suit yet. She just stared blankingly wondering what he was doing there and figured that her assistant definitely had something to do with it. He invited himself in and kissed her on the cheek, roses in hand. She smiled at him curiously and smelled the roses guessing it was time to wake up. He looked around at the files everywhere and asked if he could take her to lunch before an apocalypse started. Jane sat down to steady herself as she felt an overwhelming sensation of luck, joy, happiness, and privilege all at once. She was so happy to have John in her life and realized she didn’t want to lose him. The decision was clear. She hoped this spoilage or whatever he was doing to her would continue and she would start to do the same for him.

Afterward

In life there are choices to make and Jane was used to making them…just not about love. She had met an honest, dependable potential life partner and didn’t want to lose him or the care he showed her. Love is an amazing rollercoaster ride that allows us the experience if we’re lucky enough to get on.

You Had Me At Chocolate Cookies; Coffee’s On The House