P for Pregnant
challenges I have gone through as a single pregnant woman.
Hello, and welcome. I haven't had the easiest life. 4 years Ago I was almost murdered. I have done a LOT of work to get to where I am today. I have an 8 year old son who is my absolute world. Everything I have done in my life has been so I can be there for him. So I can provide for him the things he needs to develop into a strong healthy young man inside and out. So let me just say that being Single and Pregnant was not by choice.
Well a little over a year ago, I met someone. Someone who yet again presented themselves as someone I could trust not to lie to me. Someone I could trust not to jeopardize Mine or my sons life in any way. Someone who is a father and presented himself to be a good dad. presented himself to be a dad who was present in his kids lives. Someone who I respected for that and for the honesty he had been seemingly so willing to give.
I fell in love with this person. I respected him for his honesty and kind nature. He seemed to be a good, well adjusted Man. There was one little issue though. It turned out that the information he was giving me was not exactly 100% true. Which I didn't find out until it was too late. A year after we started dating I became pregnant.
He did eventually start drinking at home but never when my son was around cause I wouldn't allow that. He would have a few beers and a few shots and tell me he was sober. I never knew exactly how much he was drinking because he would hide most of it, and this was only in the last 2 or 3 months we were together. Around the time I was fed up to the point of thinking about breaking it off with him, I found out that I was pregnant. during which time I had to go in and get weened off of my own meds i was on for my PTSD.
Also during this time we had house guests that were using our 2nd bedroom and bathroom. He would come home from work and go to the bathroom and stay in there for about 3 or 4 hours. That was completely selfish cause the only time I could really move was when I was running to the bathroom to vomit. My stomach was always in knots and most of the time it felt like i had a lump in my throat as I had to hold it in and wait for him to get out of the bathroom. so I told him to start using the other bathroom cause between him staying in there for so long and the smell I couldn't handle it at the time. So he would go in the other bathroom and stay in there for 3 or 4 hours not even considering if someone else might need to use it.
I also couldn't handle his snoring so eventually it got to the point that I was waking him up several times during the night so he would stop snoring. He started sleeping on the floor cause sometimes it would help him not snore and at the time I no longer wanted him in the bed with me at all. That lasted until he finally left but we were still together.
As I continued to be sick and get myself to doctor appointments and do everything I needed to do to keep myself healthy. My boyfriend told me that He had sold drugs a few times from my vehicle and tried to kill himself. Then I told him that it was over. I cant have that kind of behavior around my kid and I told him that was extremely selfish of him because if he had gotten caught he could have gotten my son taken away. He pleaded with me to work things out with him. I told him that he has completely lost my trust and that if he wants to gain it back there were a few things he was gonna have to do. which were all things to better himself and to show that he cares enough to change things for the benefit of his kids. He was not taking good care of himself the entire time we were together as far as getting his health insurance and getting himself to the doctor when needed (he has a bad heart) and getting his tooth taken care of that has been hurting him for over a year, which was a huge issue. I told him he was also gonna have to quit drinking and smoking and to no longer have any involvement with any drugs of any kind.
He continued to call me drunk and deny it at first and then eventually confess to it. even though I asked him several times not to. He would call me up to start arguments because I would never say what he wanted to hear. which was its ok, but its not ok. His actions were never and will never be ok. I did tell him that if he wants to regain my trust then he is gonna have to take care of himself better. I even at one point told him that i wanted to work on things and work on getting back into a good spot. Then again I told him in order to do that he was gonna have to at least get his health insurance and quit drinking. Which 2 weeks later he started dating someone else and told me he thought I had broken up with him but at that point we had never gotten back together. I know its because he doesn't want to put in the work on himself to get better, so he made his choice. He chose substances and himself.
Fast forward a few weeks of barely talking with him except for on days he got paid cause not only does he need to help out with the pregnancy and the baby, he still owes me from when he lived here. I paid the internet bill with the card that was on file. The bill is in his name but I was given access to it previously. He then contacted me telling me that I effed up. He said he wouldn't press charges of fraud if I started talking to him but he was gonna have to report it to his bank and to the internet company. He also demanded that I give the baby his last name. That I put his name on the birth certificate and that he would be allowed to be at the hospital when she is born. I didn't know what to do but I knew that before I did anything to make him mad I needed to pay him back (which i did and he took it) and talk to my lawyer to get advice on what I should do. He told me he was going to use it as leverage to get what he wants. Then he also told me that when he gets the money back that he was gonna send it to me.
After consulting with my lawyer and I knew he couldn't in fact do anything to me. I paid him back and he accepted it. I told him to stop what he was doing. he then threatened me several times in which I again asked him to stop. Then I quit talking to him and when i did that he proceeded to call and message my friends and threaten them if they didn't have me talk to him. I then had to call the police and make a report. The police called him and told him he needs to leave me alone, but almost a week later I got a message from my sister saying he messaged her.
During this whole pregnancy I've been sick and feeling mostly alone and scared. I get the most judgement from a few friends and My sons dad and his family. I haven't been able to finish school due to being sick and dizzy, and always out of breath. I have finally found a therapist I can currently afford. I do currently have some help from some friends but all of my family is in Michigan. my living situation isn't ideal at the moment which I have been doing what I can to work on. So let me just say, It sucks being single and pregnant and it's NEVER planned that way.