Over My Head

*Disclaimer: Random story tid-bit. If you're into commitment, do not read, it will likely never be finished.*

I sat with her in the sand, wondering if the tide would reach us soon, pull us in under the water. I thought that maybe that would be better. Actually, to be honest, at the time I thought that there was nothing in the whole world better than sitting there getting cold next to her.

I would really like to say that I knew better. I really, truly would…but that would be a lie and I’m not one for lying. Alright you caught me, that was a lie. I lie all the time but I’m not saying that I like to. I don’t, honest. That is actually the truth. It just so happens that with my life I am forced into lying way more often than I would like…or at least, withholding the truth.

Instead of knowing better and using even a lick of sense, I found that the corner of my mouth was turned up in a lopsided smile and my charming half of a smile made her entire face light up. Seriously, she looked like she just won the lottery, all because she made my frown turn right on upside down. I shook my head at her, and she started to bite her bottom lip as if that could hide her grin but all it did was make her look even more attractive than she did to begin with. How was that even possibly?

She buried her toes into the sand, probably wiggling them around down there were the sand was cold and damp. Her eyes became fixated on the ocean and her lit up face never faltered. I forced my eyes towards the horizon, watching the waves the way that she did but the view was nothing compared to her. The sunset sky dancing on the waves just could not compete. I tried to see it the way she saw it, with such wonder and excitement like the whole wide world was this magical place. Maybe she hasn’t seen the things I’ve seen, grasped onto the darkness I’ve let grown inside me. Maybe she just knew secrets that I didn’t understand, secrets that told her that the world was more than just shadows. I thought that maybe I loved that about her.

Loved? I was in over my head in a way that I had never been before. In a way that scared me much more than anything else in my life ever had. It wasn’t like me to feel the way I felt, and the realization was mildly terrifying. That was the moment that I knew something was going to go terribly wrong.

By now the sun was almost dripping into the waves, the moon would be joining us soon. It was getting darker and darker, I watched her pull her knees up to her chest as she wrapped her arms around her legs. I wondered if she was cold, but I didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want her to notice that our time was almost up. Things were going too well.

Maybe that would have been a good time to pick up and leave…I’d smile at her again so she could hold onto whatever sunshine she saw in me, maybe even give her a kiss, then I would just pick up and walk over to the waves. I would keep on walking while she watched the sun go down, until the water was over my head. I’d walk even farther letting my lungs scream for relief until finally they relaxed. I could just tell her that I had to go and then jump into the ocean and let the waves swallow me whole.