Love is a drug. A drug that we can’t get enough of. It’s addictive and we know it. Do we want this addiction to stop? Hell no. Love is a powerful sensation. Sometimes, we love it, and sometimes we hate it. When people think of love, typically they think of it as being happy. But love can also be sorrowful. The people we thought that loved us, betray us. They cheat, they lie, they ruin us. The person that we thought we loved, may no longer be in your life, but the pain, the memories, everything still lingers. That’s what happened to him.
His girlfriend of almost two years cheated and lied to him. She abused him emotionally and verbally. It was a toxic relationship and he knew it, but he didn’t leave her. He loved her, and he still does. But she broke him. So, he built a wall around himself and blocked everyone out. She destroyed his confidence and his ability to want to love again. He was a disaster. His friends knew it, his family knew it, everyone knew it. He was not happy, and he wasn’t going to be for a while.
I, on the other hand, would not let him be alone. I knew that being alone, brought many thoughts and memories to mind. It wasn’t healthy and it would make moving on harder. I took him to the gym, twice a week, every week. We worked out together, and all we did was talk, and occasionally run. I would take him out to eat, go swimming, or to walk the dog. I did anything in my ability to keep him busy. Then he confessed that he had feelings for another girl.
I was happy for him, I wanted him to move on and be happy. However, he was very negative about it. He didn’t have any confidence to actually try and tell her. They talked and went hiking together, but that was where it stopped. They were already friends before his breakup, but she didn’t want to be a rebound. She had someone else already and she was trying for him for a while. She told me that if it were a couple months ago, she probably would have dated him. Then he was back into a more depressive state. He was starting to get better, but knowing she would probably never date him, it tore him down again. And there I was, trying to fix his broken heart again.
At the time I was only trying to be a good friend. It made me sad knowing that my friend was sad. I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. That was when I started to focus all my time on him. Taking him out, talking to him, being a person he feels safe talking to. I wanted to be his rock, and I did. He started to open up more about his feelings. The day he did, it caught me by surprise, he just started to talk, and all I could do was listen. I was afraid to say anything in fear of him not saying anything ever again. This was around the same time I started to notice my feelings for him.
They had been there for a while, I knew that much. What I didn’t realize was how strong they were. The day I first met him was my first day of school at a new high school my junior year. I walked into history class and saw a small group of kids. Seven kids to be exact. Most of them sat in the back together and they were all talking and joking around. Then I saw him and thought, “Damn. He’s hot. He would never like me back though...” Thankfully, I was shy and quiet. I was perceptive and was able to figure out he was taken. I backed off, I would never go after someone that is already taken. I didn’t want to be a home-wrecker, it also helped that I didn’t think him and I would ever be together. Looking back now, I was so wrong.
Then I became best friends with his girlfriend. We told each other everything and we did mostly everything together. I had never been closer with anyone else. When summer came around, he got his license and we were all able to hangout more. We did everything together, and most of the time I would sleep over her house. And every single time, he would be with us, not sleeping over of course, but he would hangout with us until he had to go home—which conveniently enough, was right across the street. We were the three amigos. It was us three against the world. And that summer, I had also started to fall for my best friend's brother. When I wasn’t with her, I would text him non-stop.
I thought about him all the time. Whenever we saw each other, we would always hug and my stomach would always do flips whenever I saw or touched him. I thought I was in love with him and I thought he felt the same way back. Boy was I wrong. He started to have a dark view on life and became so negative. I did everything I could to make him happy, but I couldn’t do it. Whatever I tried wouldn’t help him at all. Then the day came where my heart was shattered. It felt like tiny shards of glass were stabbing me in the heart over and over and over again. It was February 23—the day our school had a pep rally. My senior year, his sophomore year. His class won winter carnival again and I went to go talk to him after the rally. When we saw each other, he gave me a big hug and a big kiss on the cheek. All was well until we started to walk to my car. That was when I stopped breathing. He told me that we couldn’t be together. Because I was leaving for college, which was wrong. I was going to college, but I was commuting and I would be home, near him. There was also the fact that all of our friends wanted us to date, and he felt like we would only be dating to make our friends happy, and not ourselves. The knife was already in and it was twisted even more. That made me realize that he really didn’t want to date me, that he really didn’t love me the way I thought he did.
I went to my car after he walked away and I let it all out. I bawled my eyes out in the middle of the senior parking lot with my windows rolled up while students walked by and some gave me strange looks. I didn’t care though, I was sad and at the time, I only wanted my two best friends. When they came over to my car, I was supposed to drive them home, they knew immediately something was wrong. They got in the car and I drove them home, along with my best friend's sister. I was still crying and I barely made it half way to her house when I had to pull over because I couldn’t drive anymore. We dropped off my best friend's sister and we drove to my house and we just relaxed in my room. I was still crying and I felt like I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to do anything, I just wanted to lay down and forget the world. My friends, however, would not let me do that. The next thing I knew, we were going out to Friendly’s to try and cheer me up. And at the moment, it did make me feel better. The days and weeks after were a complete mess however. I didn’t want to do anything, I stopped paying attention in class, I didn’t want to talk to my friends or family. I told my other friends what had happened and they were angered at him. They had thought that us being together would be a good thing. Most thought it was a crappy situation to be in and they really helped me through it.
A week after my birthday, my entire friend group threw a surprise birthday party at my house. After an event at the school, we went back to my best friend’s house so she could grab a couple things. I didn’t have my car at the time, so they were driving me. I was trying to get home as soon as I could so my parents wouldn’t get mad. Then I wanted to talk to my mom, I wanted her and I wanted to be left alone. Michael had come up to me when I walked in my best friend’s house and gave me a hug like everything was alright. He then wished me a late happy birthday. It had only been three weeks since the last time I talked to him and I was still hurting. I went upstairs to my best friend’s room and I started to cry. It hurt so much still and it wasn’t going to be something I would forget easily. They both comforted me before we had to leave, and I couldn’t be more grateful. They were always there for me.
Especially him, the one I want to be with now. At the time, he was still with my best friend and they both kept me busy. We really do have that in common with each other. We don’t like seeing our friends sad. Even now, we aren’t together mainly due to the fact he is still getting over his breakup, even after four months. I completely understand why he is taking so long to get over her. One, they were together for almost two years. Two, he would’ve done anything for her. And three, she cheated on him because she thought that he cheated on her. She was obviously wrong. He is too kind and loving of a guy to cheat on someone. The whole thing that is wrong with the situation is that she didn’t confront him about it and assumed. In a relationship you’re supposed to communicate. She didn’t know how to communicate and decided to act first, talk later.
I lost all respect for her the moment I found out. My first reaction was shock and then it turned into sadness and then finally into anger. The day I found out she had cheated on him, I was in work and my co-worker who happens to be the new boyfriends brother told me when they had kissed. It happened to be before they broke up. I turned numb. I just stood there not knowing how to feel about the situation. I didn’t know if I should tell her ex or not. I was conflicted. Then I finally decided to tell him myself. I didn’t want to, but his friendship was now more important than her's ever was.
I don’t have any tolerance for cheating. I have never been cheated on myself, but I know that no one deserves to be put through something so vulgar. It shouldn’t matter what the situation is, there is no excuse for being a cheater. On October 16, 2018, I was talking to my ex-best friend's brother but I had to walk away before I started to yell. He talked about sleeping around with girls like it was nothing. With one of them, she still has a boyfriend and he defended that he wasn’t good to her. I practically yelled at him for that, especially when HE was in the room with us. He was very nonchalant about how him and his siblings are alike in that way. He knew he had hurt me in the past, and there was always going to be that sliver of love I once had for him. So, it hurt, but his sister’s ex was also in the room, which made it all worse. They’re break up was still recent, and he still wasn’t completely over the fact that she cheated and lied to him. It also doesn’t help that they were together for so long and there are so many memories that run through his head daily. He is still a wreck, but he is my wreck.
The past two months have been kind of dull, in a good way. The ex-girlfriend hasn’t talked to us or tried to contact us a whole lot. We’ve been pretty content for the most part. We spend most of our time together, either at my place or his. These past couple of months have been the best months of my life. I’ve been in long-term relationships before, but those have never been like our relationship, and we aren’t even together. I feel like a princess when I’m with him, he treats we with so much respect and shows me so much love, that it hurts my heart. I’ve never had feelings this strong for anyone else in my life. I would do anything for him. Even if I have to wait a thousand years. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I love him with my entire heart, and I will never stop loving him. Always and forever.