Our Chapter Has Ended

I met Robin from a dating app in the last days of 2019. I went out with him by the lake, and we ate at his friend's Restaurant.

He was different from the guys I have met. Robin was a gentleman, and he never let me pay for anything and never let me open the door. He never allows me to walk on the sidewalk close to the road.

How sweet of him for thinking about my safety? He said that he wouldn't let me go home by bus, and since we both didn't have a car, we took an Uber home. 

He has a sense of humour. I laughed at everything he says as a joke. I love his smile, his white teeth, green eyes, curly blond hair. 

He captured my heart because Robin has everything that I was looking for a guy. He speaks both English and his native language, and that made him even more attractive.

Unfortunately, he didn't like me the way I wanted him. 

I became available to him because I liked him so much, and I played games I thought would work for him. I would show him that I had a new guy because I didn't want to lose Robin, and I wanted him to chase me. But all I need wasn't worth it. It didn't make him stay.

I let him manipulate me, and I had to humble myself to stroke his ego, but none of it made him stay. He was using me. He was using me to move on from his ex-girlfriend.

In June 2020, we were supposed to meet, but he cancelled. He said that he wasn't ready for a relationship. He wasn't ready to commit to me, which I never asked him to be with me. He was the one who asked me out, then he cancelled it last minute, and he said things that broke my heart.

A few weeks later, I went out with another guy and posted him on my Instagram; Robin messaged me saying, "Wow, you replaced me real quick!". I didn't know what to respond to him. I thought, why did he say that to me if he wasn't ready to be in a relationship with me.

We didn't talk for months until, in October of 2020, he messaged me saying that he misses me. We met the next day. I still had feelings for him, which was why it was easy for me to go out with him after all those times that we didn't talk.

We went to the hotel, and I could honestly say that it was one of the best days ever! I haven't seen him for months, and I missed him a lot. 

We kissed, hugged, cuddled, and everything that couples do, we did it that day. I was so happy, but I was worried that he wouldn't talk to me after that day.

The day ended, and so was our situationship (a danger zone between platonic relationship and romantic relationships).

He ghosted me for months. He deleted his Instagram account for a week. We didn't talk until one day, my friend asked me about Robin.

She asked me if I knew who Robin was, and the reason she asked was that they both met on an online dating app. She said that she liked him, and they both hit it off.

I couldn't do anything.

I couldn't say anything.

I couldn't stop them from falling for each other. I let them go, and I wish we didn't end like that.

After two weeks, my friend told me that they both stopped talking. She said that she ghosted him for me, and she felt weird with Robin. I'm not going to lie, but I was happy knowing that they both stopped talking. It meant that I had a chance with him again. 

Robin and I both followed each other on Instagram again, but we never talked. I was dying to speak with him. I was craving for his presence. All I know is that we ended our so-called situationship in the wrong way. 

It ended things that broke my heart, and no one could ever fix that - not even me. 

How do I wish we ended our chapter in a way that nobody gets hurt? How do I wish that I never knew him? How do I wish I didn't swipe right on the dating app when I saw his profile? How do I wish to go back and correct my mistakes and go to the other path that never leads to this brokenness?

I had too many questions to ask why it happened to me, but all I know is I have to let him go, close the chapter, and create a new chapter.