Open Letter to the Boy Who Didn't Deserve Me

They say being in love with one person while you’re dating someone else is wrong. I agree with this statement, but I also have done that very thing. People were right; I couldn’t decide what I wanted. Between you and him, I obviously chose the worse partner. But this is about the conventionally better partner, you.

Not to say you were good for me, because you were absolutely not. You were the embodiment of every other pathetic person I have dated. You knew what you wanted in life and expected it to be handed to you on a silver platter. Before we dated, you told me of how you worked so hard at your big factory job and I was impressed, but somehow, two months later, you were in your apartment, lying on a couch, jobless.

Absolutely, things happen. Absolutely, it was just a bad time for you. I was there for you, I put food on your table, and I gave you the care you so desperately craved. However, I pulled myself out of worse situations. I pulled myself out of near death. I pulled myself out of bed on days where I was hurting more than you’ve ever hurt in your entire life, and I did so on my very own. Because when I needed someone there, you were with your wife you were too scared to leave.

That is, until you decided I could give you more than her. Therein lies your hypocrisy, by the way. You’re angry and bitter nearly a year after the fact because I chose to be honest with you about my feelings for someone else. However, when you got your feelings for me, you just decided it was best to try to stay married and have me as the side dish to your little cookie-cutter life.

But yes, I’m the evil seductress who wanted two boyfriends, despite the fact I never actually cheated, and you did.

Nevertheless, I’m over it and thank you for making me realize you were never worth the time of day. I have been asleep for years, and you decided to help me wake up. I did wake up, and I knew upon waking I will never devalue myself as much to even look at a man who can’t say what he wants. A man who can’t chase what he wants, a man who thinks having women cook for him is necessary. A sexist piece of garbage who tried to fight over me like I was an object.

How selfish of me to ask for time to think about which person I wanted to be with. Excuse me for wanting to consider what’s best for myself in life. I should have spent every waking moment appeasing you, right?

The most disgusted with myself I’ve ever been is thinking I wanted you back. In the months after, when you were ignoring my calls, I realized you’d never actually been in love. I realized you probably couldn’t wait to be away; your internet sexcapades awaited you, right?

You filled the void in your chest with other women. I filled mine with a thunderstorm. I am stronger than you ever will be, and ironically that’s because of you. So, in essence, thank you for your contribution to the kind of woman I am now. If it makes you feel better, if I could go back now and be faced with my choice between you and the other guy, I’d leave you both.

Neither of you deserve me or will ever deserve me. After those years of being blind to what it is to really be loved, I can’t believe I ever thought I was happy settling for a boy with delusions of grandeur and the level of vanity you had. I won’t always love you, I don’t remember the good times, and you were toxic.

Sincerely,

The Best Partner You Threw Away