Only you know

I hope you read this and know I’m talking to you. With every word streaming from my mind comes out a memory of you. Your big heart, your soft hands. Your smile flashing back against my energetic energy. Making you feel young again. Maybe it was my rebellion that started your attraction for me. Maybe it was my way of showing maturity in little things I did. It could be anything, but only you know.

I trusted you with everything and you knew it. Every dark secret that tore me apart, you knew it. You read private words that came from the deepest crevice of my oceanic mind. Only you knew, only you understood. You touched my lips like I was the only one you ever dreamed of having. We were saying good-bye under the starlit sky, and it was enchanting. You were a spell that cursed my life in the most captivating way. I didn’t want it to go, but we both knew it had to.

You were my escape and I was yours. When life became too hard to handle, I’d see your joy from being with me and I forgot what I was so worried about. You were depicted as my own personal happiness. It seems selfish, but we both craved it in a desperate sense. We understood each other. We knew how to make each other love, how to make each other cry, laugh, and dance. Together, we were powerful. Maybe too powerful, and that’s why we couldn’t stay in our secret world.

Sometimes I wonder if you knew what would have happened between us if you would’ve done it anyway. If you had the ability to unmeet me, would you? When a certain song plays through our radio station, do you wish you could delete my movement from your memory? No matter how many times you wash your hands, my skin never seems to leave your fingertips. The smell of my hair, the sound of my voice, the curve of my hips. I can’t leave your senses, no matter how hard you try. Does it drive you insane? If you could, would you un-know me?

We have hidden memories that will forever be engraved in my soul. You were, at one point, the only one for me. You were everything I wanted in a human, you were a dream. But eventually, we wake up, reality calls, and dreams fade, they even change. But you know those dreams you wake up from, and you try and try to fall back asleep, but you can’t. That’s what you are. The dream I sometimes wish I could fall back into. Though I’m happy and my dreams have changed, there is still a part of me that wishes I could fall back into a deep sleep of sadness mixed with an unknowing joy. I still hold close to our dream and I don’t regret any moment I shared with you. I need you to know that.

I wonder where I would be if circumstances were different. Would I be married, would I have babies, would I be rich in a penthouse, writing books alongside you? Only He knows. He sent us separate ways for a reason. Perhaps we were both bad for each other. Maybe we both needed more in different ways. Perhaps, maybe we both miss it. Our love was fun. Our love was secret. Our love was deep and beautiful, even for a short while. It was more than drives in my car that always had a dirty windshield. More than kissing under the stars, and more than date nights in far away places. It was us and only we knew.