Old Pine Memories

She hated her, she wanted to believe otherwise and say that she loved her but in reality, James hated Arden more than anything in the universe itself. How could she leave her like that? They’ve been through hell and back together, somehow this second journey to hell and Arden decided to walk out. And how dare she? James put her life on the line, not once or twice, but every single time Arden walked out to lure in a new victim.

She’d been in Oregon for almost six months, and while the police were on the hunt for her and Arden, she was conducting her own search in hopes of finding her wife. James didn’t have any luck so far, not even with a sliver of information, but she persisted. Often returning to her little room at night with nothing but tears streaming down her face.

For the past few months tears only streamed down her face in the confinement of her own room, but on a daily basis James did nothing but bust the sweat on her brow to have a semi-normal life, even if another now secret life lined up right in front of it; the collision will be brutal once it happens, but James just hoped for the best until the day comes.

Three and a half years ago.

“James,” Arden whispered, wrapped in a sleeping bag just a few inches away from James, the young girl was mesmerized by the stars and tree branches above her, and yet again Arden’s whispers echoed in her head and she turned to face her girlfriend’s shimmering eyes. “Yes,” she whispered back, smiling softly at the woman in front of her. This was James’ first camping trip, one that Arden made sure was perfect although she wasn’t aware of it being James’ first.

“I’m horny!” she exclaimed, which caused James’ to burst out laughing, “and here, I thought you were going to say I love you. Oh, how romantic!” James said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. The two women had proclaimed their feelings to each other a while back, so this little comment wasn’t going to cause any harm, James just found it amusing.

“Well anyway, I’m horny too but I’m a little sleepy too,” she said, sighing desperately although fully aware that this wouldn’t stop her horny girlfriend. Arden within seconds pushed herself off the grass and now hovered over James’ figure. James saw her girlfriend glow in the moonlight, almost similar to a euphoric sighting of God, she stared in awe with a soft smile appearing on her face. “Yes?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around Arden.

At that moment Arden smiled back, leaning so close that her lips practically hovered over James’ “I do love you,” Arden whispered before kissing her girlfriend, a hand grasping James’ side firmly and pulling her close.

Thirty minutes to an hour later.

Their demeanor changed massively since the beginning of this session, the girls’ hairs were both in a tangled mess now, sweat dripping down their faces, and the sleeping bags were nothing but rags below them on the floors as they’ve already unzipped themselves out of them and f***ed under the moonlight.

Now on the other hand, James lay in her girl’s arms sighing deeply as she relaxed her body into Arden’s arms. She stared up into the sky with her, breathing in unison. “You’re perfect,” James whispered, unsure if Arden heard her but was secretly hoping that she did. “No, I’m not!” Arden immediately said, almost leaping out from the cuddling position she was in. James in turn raised her brows, looking up at the woman from where she lay, “okay?”

To be honest, James hated how the woman reacted to how she was being viewed by James, but there was a side of her that somewhat understood and was curious about Arden’s feelings. “I just don’t like being put on a pedestal, I’m not perfect, James. Please.” Arden said and without a second thought James sighed, nodded, then cupped Arden’s face and leaned in for a kiss. “Of course, I know, darling. But you’re imperfectly perfect to me.” She said, hoping this was a good enough answer for Arden.

Present Day.

She’d been a walking human shell for a while now, but what else did she have to do in her life to get buy? She often faked a smile, faked interested, faked small-talk, for hell’s sake. But the one thing that never left her mind was her wife. Where was Arden? Why hasn’t she tried contacting her? Was she so stupid that maybe James didn’t get Arden’s clues? Or better yet, did Arden leave any traces and clues to be found?

Questions plagued her all day and night, she often needed to be snapped out to reality but that didn’t leave her from living a semi-normal life where she worked, went home, slept, and did it all over again. Not the best, exciting, life but a life nevertheless. James didn’t want to complain, even though she had plenty of reasons to.

She finished her shift and walked quietly and sadly back to her room, lay there in bed with a half empty bottle of tequila sitting on the nightstand, chill indie folk music playing in the background as she staired into the abyss of the ceiling above her head, seeing nothing but memories of Arden.

* Song lyrics: "Tears don't fall down" by Terrible Sons.